Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?

[Deleted User]

We're including the following card inserts with our invitations to our 20th wedding anniversary party: "Wine, Champagne & Non-Alcoholic Punch Will be Served, but you may bring your own bottle or drinks in addition if you would like"

We will be inviting a few people who are 19 and 20 years old so my question is, is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert in small font: "You must be 21 to drink"?

kmmssg

The insert as you have it written really isn't in line with proper etiquette.  You should be hosting these people with what you can afford, NOT mentioning that they can BYOB.  As far as the 21 to drink thing, I would not do that.  Have your bartender card people.

If this is an issue in your crowd, get the word out now that it isn't a liability you will accept.

ETA - my post originally sad "mentioning that they can BYOB".  Had to come back to say "NOT mentioning....."  Typing fail.

mica178

In general, it's rude to state the obvious.  Unless you have a lot of guests traveling from countries where the legal drinking age is lower than 21, I think most people know that they cannot drink if they are 19 and 20.  Putting that in your invitation is telling those guests that you don't think very highly of their common sense.

Also, I think it's weird and poor etiquette to tell guests to bring their own alcohol.  If the party is fancy enough for you to issue invitations, it's fancy enough for you to host whatever drinks are being served and not have people BYO.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for your reply! I know that it isn't really proper etiquette. We've spent $300.00 on wine and champagne so far for 45-70 people (of course not including the food, desserts, cake and party itself). I know that isn't much for wine and champagne, but it's all we can do. I think there will be enough for everyone, just not enough for people to get too loopy I was tryng to let people know there will be drinks, but if they bring their own they can drink all they want.

A family friend will be our beverage server. I don't think it's necessary to card our guests because everyone we're inviting we know very well. This isn't extremely formal, but definelty moreso than a back yard bbq.

After reading your response I don't feel we need to add the 21+ thing to the invitation inserts afterall.. thanks again!

Do others feel the same way??

nextrightthing

I agree with PP that you shouldn't include a card stating that no one over 21 may drink.  I also agree that it isn't the best etiquette to invite guests to bring bottles, but in my opinion, it isn't a hugggge deal the way it would be at a wedding. I've been to plenty of parties where people brought their own drinks.  Maybe it would be better to spread that news by word of mouth rather than through the invitations.

HockeyFan4

I would lose that whole insert.

and agree with the pp about word of mouth.

Simply Fated

I agree, as well. I'd forget the insert. I mean, they know 21 year olds can't drink, but if they were planning on doing it, anyway, an insert isn't going to help. Let your friend know to turn away underage people. (Some people would let it slide.) Where is your anniversary party being held? Because either you or the venue could get in trouble, depending on where it's held.

As far as the whole BYOB thing goes, I'd use word of mouth, too.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:ec30883b-9139-4b4a-a615-a29752549a05">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your reply! I know that it isn't really proper etiquette. Posted by dannamet[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You do realize you're on the Etiquette board, right? <div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:ec30883b-9139-4b4a-a615-a29752549a05">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
<div>[QUOTE]I was tryng to let people know there will be drinks, <strong>but if they bring their own they can drink all they want</strong>.Posted by dannamet[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>IMO, this is scary. Do you really want people plastered at your wedding? I've been to one too many weddings where people got sloppy drunk and it got a little disastrous.</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:ec30883b-9139-4b4a-a615-a29752549a05">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
<div>[QUOTE]A family friend will be our beverage server. I don't think it's necessary to card our guests because everyone we're inviting we know very well. 
Posted by dannamet[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>If you're concerned about the underaged drinking, then just let the bartender card, friend or not, that way the bartender (and you) aren't held responsible for underaged drinking.

</div></div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:1c89e2c9-b47c-47ff-9042-a096d02575c4">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"? : You do realize you're on the Etiquette board, right?  In Response to  Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"? : IMO, this is scary. Do you really want people plastered at your wedding? I've been to one too many weddings where people got sloppy drunk and it got a little disastrous. In Response to  Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"? : <strong>If you're concerned about the underaged drinking, then just let the bartender card, friend or not, that way the bartender (and you) aren't held responsible for underaged drinking.</strong>
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]
This.
Also, just because you put "You must be 21 to drink" on the invite, does not mean that the underaged people won't try anyway...and by not carding, they'll get away with it.

courtski2004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:ec30883b-9139-4b4a-a615-a29752549a05">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
[QUOTE] A family friend will be our beverage server. I don't think it's necessary to card our guests because everyone we're inviting we know very well. This isn't extremely formal, but definelty moreso than a back yard bbq. Posted by dannamet[/QUOTE]

If you know everyone that you're inviting well enough to think that you would have to indicate on the invitation that they must be 21 to drink, that tells me that you have a good portion of underage folks invited that may have poor judgment and would try to either bring their own liquor, or try to drink underage to begin with. Having someone NOT card for drinks is dangerous because in the event that one of those minors were to drink and get pulled over on their way home, this unsuspecting family friend who served them could be on the hook, along with whomever supplied the alcohol in the first place. It is one thing for them to sip on unfinished drinks while people are dancing, but something completely different if it is actually served to them.

pkontk

It is definitely much safer to just have the bartender card than to spread the word that under 21-year-olds should not drink.  If your 20 year old cousin Joe grows a beard he might look older and get served if he isn't carded.

We've all had to pay our dues before 21 and be unable to drink at various occasions.  These kids should understand.

[Deleted User]

Thanks again everyone! I decided not to add the 21+ thing. I appreciate everyone's feedback on the BYO insert, although that wasn't my original question But yes haha, I know.. I do realize this is the etiquette board And like I said really appreciate your feedback on that too.

As I said I realize the BYO isn't really proper, it just seemed easier and less awkward than spreading by word of mouth. I want to provide enough drinks but am just worried about running out. I think that would be embarassing. But I know how fast a bottle of wine or champagne can go.

If you were invited to an anniversary party would you think it would be rude of the hosts if wine and champagne ran out???

Would you only have 1 or 2 glasses or would you expect more? (We're not doing a toast or speech where 1 glass would traditionally be served).

We're not providing an 'open bar' so I guess most people would understand?

This a 20th anniversary party, not a wedding reception. It will be at our home. We're serving fruit trays and desserts, and will be having various events throughout the party - husband and I will exchange gifts, someone will sing, someone will play piano, we will play 1 or 2 games, and we will visit and play outdoor games towards the end.

ems27

Gosh, you guys are so snobby about the open bar or no bar thing. I hope this all or nothing attitude doesn't extend to all areas of your lives.

 Please, tell people that they are welcome to bring their own- if they don't like the selection, they'll appreciate the absolute certainty that they are allowed what they want to drink.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:2b0f36fe-1a0a-4b3b-ad0d-da0c6254dfbc">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Gosh, you guys are so snobby about the open bar or no bar thing. I hope this all or nothing attitude doesn't extend to all areas of your lives.  Please, tell people that they are welcome to bring their own- if they don't like the selection, they'll appreciate the absolutely certainty that they are allowed what they want to drink.
Posted by ems27[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=6753140457097165&plckUserId=6753140457097165" target="_blank" class="username_knot">ems27</a>, your response is appreciated morrrrrre than you know. THANK YOU.

polichik

FFS, are you serious? Why did you even bother asking a question if the only answer you'll listen to is the one that you wanted to hear and that you know is against etiquette? Seriously, why waste our time?

HandBanana

Since it is at your home, I think there is a big difference.  When you mentioned BYOB and I assumed it was a hall all I could think of was liability issues with the vendor or if they even allow outside booze.

No one that posted before was wrong.  If this was a party at a hall putting BYOB on an insert would be a horrible idea for all those previous reasons.I still wouldn't put BYOB on the invite.  I would handle it word of mouth. Also, I am sure some guests will bring their own to a party at your home no matter if it was BYOB or not.

Simply Fated

As I said I realize the BYO isn't really proper, it just seemed easier and less awkward than spreading by word of mouth. I want to provide enough drinks but am just worried about running out. I think that would be embarassing. But I know how fast a bottle of wine or champagne can go.
You don't have to tell people, "BYOB because I might run out." Just tell people, "Hey if there are any kinds of beer or mixed drinks you like, feel free to bring some over because my friend is bartending and he can make what ever you want!"
If people don't bring anything, that's fine. Don't freak if you run out. Just make sure you have plenty of other drinks, like iced teas or lemonades.



If you were invited to an anniversary party would you think it would be rude of the hosts if wine and champagne ran out???
I don't think it would be rude. I mean, things happen.

Would you only have 1 or 2 glasses or would you expect more? (We're not doing a toast or speech where 1 glass would traditionally be served).
It depends. If I'm driving, 1 glass. If not, maybe two.

We're not providing an 'open bar' so I guess most people would understand?
I never go to someone's house for a party and assume there will be tons of booze and hard liquor. If there is, great. If not, then that's fine. There is nothing for me to understand because it isn't something I expect, anyway.
I wouldn't appreciate going to someone's house and they charged me, though. I'm not sure if that's what you meant, though, lol.


This a 20th anniversary party, not a wedding reception. It will be at our home. We're serving fruit trays and desserts, and will be having various events throughout the party - husband and I will exchange gifts, someone will sing, someone will play piano, we will play 1 or 2 games, and we will visit and play outdoor games towards the end.
This is exactly why I asked in my post "Where is your anniversary party being held? Because either you or the venue could get in trouble, depending on where it's held."
Definitely make sure your bartender friend cards if he/she is is at all uncertain. There are counties that hold the home owner responsible of anyone underage is caught drinking. I have no idea what the laws are in your area, but it's a big deal around here so that's why I asked.
OH! And this is good you mentioned your menu... if you're only serving fruit and desserts, I'm going to drink less alcohol otherwise I'll get sick-drunk. I'm absolutely not knocking your menu, I LOVE fruit and dessert, I'm just trying to help you plan your alcohol.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:03af3ed3-7b34-44f5-9491-c4473948181f">Re:Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert quot;You must be 21 to drinkquot;?</a>:
[QUOTE]FFS, are you serious? Why did you even bother asking a question if the only answer you'll listen to is the one that you wanted to hear and that you know is against etiquette? Seriously, why waste our time?
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Are YOU SERIOUS???? I DID NOT SAY THAT WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS GOING TO LISTEN TO!!! IF YOU READ MY PREVIOUS POSTS I SAID "THANK YOU" "EVERYONE" "SO MUCH"! I simply told that person I "appreciated their response more than they knew"! That does not mean that's the only one I was going to listen to. This is a wedding forum, why do you have to be so rude?? :( Jeez.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:2950ffce-d4b3-4e30-a26c-f6e4bf41070c">Re: Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert "You must be 21 to drink"?</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have to tell people, "BYOB because I might run out." Just tell people, "Hey if there are any kinds of beer or mixed drinks you like, feel free to bring some over because my friend is bartending and he can make what ever you want!" If people don't bring anything, that's fine. Don't freak if you run out. Just make sure you have plenty of other drinks, like iced teas or lemonades.[QUOTE]

That's a GREAT idea! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
I really appreciated your response and suggestions!! :)

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ok-to-add-to-the-bottom-of-the-card-insert-you-must-be-21-to-drink?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e3dc54f4-f9d0-458c-bd37-d921bf48c9f1Post:03af3ed3-7b34-44f5-9491-c4473948181f">Re:Is it ok to add to the bottom of the card insert quot;You must be 21 to drinkquot;?</a>:
[QUOTE]FFS, are you serious? Why did you even bother asking a question if the only answer you'll listen to is the one that you wanted to hear and that you know is against etiquette? Seriously, why waste our time?
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

And not that it matters, but again, my original question was should I include that you must be 21+ to drink, not if I should include the insert to BYO in addition to what we're serviing or not, it was everyone else who started giving me suggestions on that. However, I STILL appreciate everyones input who doesn't feel it necessary to be rude. On the other hand, no one knows me personally, so why would you care about my feelings anyway. No biggie. I don't know you, you don't know me. :)