Another Addressing Invites Question *edit* Pleeease just one answer! I'm trying to do this right now

psuxray07

Just need a quick answer, as I'm about to start printing out my invite envelopes (yay)!

For the married couples, do I NEED to put Mr. & Mrs. JOHN Doe, or can I just put Mr. & Mrs. Doe?

Do I need to put a title for everyone?  Just because a lot of people are divorced and also, like for my grandmother - (my g-pa died a year ago) - would I need to write Mrs. in front of her name?  I don't know if I'm comfortable with it, or if she would be (seeing the Mrs.)

Thank you!

*edit* - sorry I ended up making my post title annoying sounding, but I'm just extremely eager to begin and I want them to be correct

Nowwitna

Your invites should already be out!  (Mine are) You are behind.  Why?

1.  Mr. & Mrs. Doe is OK
2.  Mrs.

kikibaby

You should put Mr. & Mrs. John Doe. 

For your grandmother, I would still put Mrs. Grandma, unless they were divorced/she is seeing someone else/she has changed her name back to her maiden name.

strlzfan11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-addressing-invites-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e416a576-538c-4b5c-b2d6-46f973aac9cbPost:ccd7a579-95a2-46d7-8f66-a06b16b4b4c9">Re: Another Addressing Invites Question *edit* Pleeease just one answer! I'm trying to do this right now :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Your invites should already be out!  (Mine are) You are behind.  Why? 1.  Mr. & Mrs. Doe is OK 2.  Mrs.
Posted by Nowwitna[/QUOTE]

If her wedding is over three months away it is way too early for the invites to go out.  Get your facts straight- 6 to 8 weeks out is standard.

psuxray07

Thanks, girls!  I really appreciate it.

Nowwitna - most people tell me I'm sending them early! lol  I think a lot of people say you send them 6-8 weeks out? I have the rsvp date over a month before my wedding date, plenty of time for stragglers - plus, all guests (besides coworkers) are out of state or out of town.

kikibaby

Ignore nowwitna, it's a troll.  You're very good on time.

Nowwitna

you expect your A list guests to RSVP over 30 days in advance?

Not good etiquete!

mica178

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[QUOTE]You should put Mr. & Mrs. John Doe.  For your grandmother, I would still put Mrs. Grandma, unless they were divorced/she is seeing someone else/she has changed her name back to her maiden name.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]


This.  Well, if your grandmother, if she's old school, it'd be Mrs. Grandpa's full name (so Mrs. John Smith, not Mrs. Jane Smith), but not all widows prefer that address.

quotequeen

I skipped the titles.  It's not technically correct, but it's also not a rule that matters to me.

number55

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[QUOTE]you expect your A list guests to RSVP over 30 days in advance? Not good etiquete!
Posted by Nowwitna[/QUOTE]

<div>HAHAHAHAHA...this is hilarious. Awesome on so many levels...so many!</div>

psuxray07

Lol at the A-list thing, because everyone is on the A-list.  Thanks for the heads up kiki - definitely ignoring nowwitna in 3...2...1...

Hmmm I'm not sure about my grandmother.  I think she may be sad if I write Mrs. John Doe on it....   she almost didn't go out to dinner with us to a restaurant because it's where her and Pop used to go.  I know it will make me sad to see that name on the envelope (heck, I'm sad right now because I'm talking about it)...I might just write Mrs. Jane Doe or Mrs. Doe for her.

But definitely going that more formal approach with the Mr. & Mrs. John Doe for the rest. 

Thank youuuuu!

quotequeen

Although nowwitna is a troll, I do think it's rude to make your guests RSVP over a month in advance.  People can't necessarily commit that early.  Unlike the names on the invitations, this is something that does actually affect your guests.

strlzfan11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-addressing-invites-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e416a576-538c-4b5c-b2d6-46f973aac9cbPost:a90fe485-23ad-4e21-b8b7-fdde3adf8b0b">Re: Another Addressing Invites Question *edit* Pleeease just one answer! I'm trying to do this right now :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Although nowwitna is a troll, I do think it's rude to make your guests RSVP over a month in advance.  People can't necessarily commit that early.  Unlike the names on the invitations, this is something that does actually affect your guests.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

I would normally agree, but according to her profile the wedding is NYE.  If I were the OP I would want my RSVP date to be before the holiday card rush.  Some venues also want a final head count ridiculously early, too.

psuxray07

Ok but it's like a month and a half?  I mean, we pretty much know who is coming (which honestly is 98%).  It's just an official counting now.  Most people already have told us... the other 2% may or may not.   I'm not arguing, but if I were a guest to a wedding far away, I would make plans way in advance...I couldn't wait until the last minute to take off work or make plans.

squirrly

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe on the outter envelope.
Mr. and Mrs. Doe on the inner envelope.

Mail invites 8 weeks before the event.  RSVP date no more than 4 weeks before the event - 3 if you can swing it. 

AroundTheBlock

Actually "Mr and Mrs Doe" -- or in the case of a widow, simply "Mrs Doe" -- is the correct formal social form. There's unlikely to be more than one  "Mr and Mrs Doe" at any given address, so that's all that's needed.

"Mr John Doe" or "Mrs John Doe" is one's formal *business* name used on business correspondence, including the 'business' of having the post office deliver packages -- hence its use on the outer envelope. It is also used by hosts to distinguish themselves from the Doe's who live down the street or on the other side of town.

You don't need to use titles at all, but it is jarring to employ the stilted third-person wording of a formal invitation and then use casual forms for the guests' names. It's  more aesthetically pleasing to use informal wording if you want to use familiar names.

AmoroAgain

I addressed mine Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe.  I didn't absorb into my husband when we got married- I still have a first name.

quotequeen

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[QUOTE]Ok but it's like a month and a half?  I mean, we pretty much know who is coming (which honestly is 98%).  It's just an official counting now.  Most people already have told us... the other 2% may or may not.   I'm not arguing, but if I were a guest to a wedding far away, I would make plans way in advance...I couldn't wait until the last minute to take off work or make plans.
Posted by psuxray07[/QUOTE]

Right, but just because that's true for you doesn't mean it should be true for everybody.  Some people can't ask for work off too far in advance.  Others just won't know.

My uncle has known my wedding date for a year, and he just finally decided the other day that he will be bringing his wife and kids with him (from across the country) - less than a month before my wedding.

JanoBean75

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[QUOTE]I skipped the titles.  It's not technically correct, but it's also not a rule that matters to me.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

This. I grew up pretty much on a first name basis with all adults in my life. So I dropped the titles and did "Mary and Thomas Smith"

lyndausvi

I'm in the camp that Nov 15 is way too early for an RSVP.  DH and my work schedules are not such that we can say 6 weeks out we can attend an event.  While you might work at a place that can book plans months and years in advance, there are a lot us out there who can't.  

A RSVP that far out puts people like us in a bad position.   On one hand we could just RSVP 'yes' and then call you later to cancel if we could not get off of work.   Then you might get mad at the last minutue cancellation.

On the other hand we could just RSVP no.  But, once you say no it's done, you can't call the couple back and say we now can come.  At the same time if the couple found out we just hung out for the day when we could have attended they might get disappointed and wonder why we didn't like them enough to attend their wedding.

  Having a RSVP 3 weeks later would make a huge difference and not put people like us in an uncomfortable and possible no-win situation.

psuxray07

How did my addressing invites question turn out to be about timelines, anyway lol?  I never even said I was sending them out now, I'm only printing out the envelopes!  (Which is all done now, btw).

 It's not too early, it's right in the holiday season, and I'm not getting thigs lost in card rushes, etc.  Besides, I agree for some people it may be too early, but I KNOW already this ISN'T a problem for our guests.  It's all family, and all my coworkers have the same schedule as me (everyone is already off and asking me for invites already, blocking their rooms, etc).  Everyone has pretty much talked to us about it.  It's a relatively small wedding.  Everyone has different situations with their guests.  I'm just giving the peeps what they want! lol

Geesh!!!    But thank  you to all who helped

ARod22

I just posted this on another thread:

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/addressing-wedding-invitations.aspx

By the way, a widow is technically Mrs. Firstname Husbandslastname.

When she's married, traditionally, it is Mrs. Husbands First name last name. (I refuse to use that format on my invites because it's just so sexist to me, but this is the traditional way)

So when the husband dies, she stays Mrs., keeps the husbands last name, but regains her own first name.

At least, that's what is traditional.  It probably won't make her sad.

ARod22

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[QUOTE]you expect your A list guests to RSVP over 30 days in advance? Not good etiquete!
Posted by Nowwitna[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, I know!  ESPECIALLY if you're asking your babies daddies to RSVP this early!  How on earth can they be expected to commit to babysitting at their babies mama's prego wedding, when they got hoes waiting on them?  Not nice!</div>

TheCranberry

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[QUOTE]I addressed mine Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe.  I didn't absorb into my husband when we got married- I still have a first name.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

This is a pet peeve of mine as well.  I will probably do the same thing that you did for my invites.