Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: penis

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    your FMIL is starting to sound a little cray-cray.    Is she really calling it a rehersal dinner?  How odd?

    I would just go about your plans as normal.   Your WP should be the people closest to you, so I would just give them a heads up if they happen to get 2 invites.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    edited December 2012
    It sounds like there aren't that many people who will get invited to both, right?  I wouldn't say anything to your guests -- if they get two invitations, I assume they will call you and then you can explain that your FMIL is having a larger family welcome dinner the same night as the rehearsal dinner.  Alternatively, if you're worried about your wedding party RSVPing to her dinner before your RD invitations go out, I think it would be fine to give them a heads up about your dinner plans -- you don't need to mention the other dinner, since you don't know if they were invited.  

    ETA: I used the "larger family welcome dinner" to make it sound less crazy, but I agree with PPs that this is bizarre.
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    I don't know about your relationship with your WP but when MIL did something that irritated me they all knew within 24 hours.   Hopefully your WP knows that they shouldn't be attending the FMIL dinner and at least give them the heads up that you'll be hosting one.

    Why are you calling?   Your FI needs to be on this.   I think I remember you saying that he was but if you keep making the calls it can send the message that this isn't a joint decision.
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    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-throwing-rehearsal-dinner-without-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4a254ed-f759-452f-b0a0-974d8812f1d6Post:b5362e82-f545-4004-8edf-4900542e883a">Re: FMIL throwing rehearsal dinner without us</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know about your relationship with your WP but when MIL did something that irritated me they all knew within 24 hours.   Hopefully your WP knows that they shouldn't be attending the FMIL dinner and at least give them the heads up that you'll be hosting one. Why are you calling?   Your FI needs to be on this.   I think I remember you saying that he was but if you keep making the calls it can send the message that this isn't a joint decision.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]



    I should have said he is calling. I actually won't speak to her anymore after a different incident ). I'm not so worried about what my wedding party will think as much as I am about our pastor, piano player, and ring bearer and his family (all family or friends to my fiancé).
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-throwing-rehearsal-dinner-without-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4a254ed-f759-452f-b0a0-974d8812f1d6Post:48d53b0e-4f35-4ae9-9f68-cf3f725e1e71">Re: FMIL throwing rehearsal dinner without us</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like there aren't that many people who will get invited to both, right?  I wouldn't say anything to your guests -- if they get two invitations, I assume they will call you and then you can explain that your FMIL is having a larger family welcome dinner the same night as the rehearsal dinner.  Alternatively, if you're worried about your wedding party RSVPing to her dinner before your RD invitations go out, I think it would be fine to give them a heads up about your dinner plans -- you don't need to mention the other dinner, since you don't know if they were invited.   ETA: I used the "larger family welcome dinner" to make it sound less crazy, but I agree with PPs that this is bizarre.
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]



    I like this idea. Although, she is calling it a rehearsal dinner :(
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited December 2012
    I think you and your FI need to call the people you do want to invite to your rehearsal dinner, explain the situation, and issue your invitations.  They may or may not have been invited to the other dinner, but if they were, I'd just explain that there was some confusion over the start time and location and your dinner is the rehearsal dinner-your FMIL is hosting another event that overlaps yours.  Because even though she is calling her event a "rehearsal dinner," what she's really doing is stroking her own ego while trying to use you for that purpose.
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    HOLY SCRAP!

    That's nuts.  I don't know what to suggest....other than just inviting the same people you had hoped to host anyway and tell them that FMIL was mistaken about the venue and time in her invitations....but I don't even know if I'd have the balls to do that. 

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    Am I wrong, or did she just jump ahead and invite everyone to her rehearsal before you could invite them to yours??
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    Pretty sure if I received invites to two rehearsal dinners, I'd go to the one thrown by the bride and groom.  I don't think you can really disguise this crazy.  I'd just call your WP and those invited to your rehearsal (including the piano player, priest, etc) and explain.
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    Wow! FMIL is certainly BSC.  And she called your bluff about the RD too.  I'm in shock.  Anyway, I would call any and all who is invited to your RD and explain the situation.  Put it as nicely as possible.  Maybe say you didn't agree with FMIL hosting it so far away and you wanted to take over planning the RD and FMIL is hosting more of a welcome dinner for her OOT family.

    For the pastor, is he FMIL's normal pastor?  Or is he your pastor at church currently?  That could get a little sticky if he is FMIL's pastor.  But he may appreciate the dinner closer to your rehearsal.
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    I have no advice to offer that hasn't already been said. I am just so grateful I never had to deal with something like this for my own wedding. I hope this isn't a prelude to her being BSC about other things in your lives in the future! Big hugs to you!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Wait, I can't remember the details, but can't you just invite everyone to her dinner?
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    Mery, Here is the original thread clicky, FMIL did not want to invite FOB to the rehearsal.  FOB is blind and wanted to practice walking OP down the aisle.  FMIL said no.
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    edited December 2012
    All I can say is WOW and I am sorry.  You must set a precedent with this BSC woman and notify the overlapping guests as PPs have suggested.  However, handle it with as much dignity and grace as humanly possible so you are not sinking to her level.  Practice what you will say when you call and have responses rehearsed to people's inevitable questions of confusion.  She is the out of control crazy one and you want to make it clear to everyone that she has created this awkward, inappropriate situation and not you.  You can only do that by being respectful and polite in your message to your guests.  Any snarky remarks will make it seem like you are part of the problem (easier said than done I know!)  They will get the idea she is BSC and you are the victim.

    "Well now I'm imagining her hosting a birthday party for her grandson, but with no birthday boy, and one very confused clown. "   This was hilarious, but sadly it will be true if she is permitted to carry out this party with no consequences. 
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    Oh wow! Yikes :( I don't know what your original disagreement was about, but was it about her inviting a whole lot of people from her family and you guys wanting something more focused on the wedding party and immediate family? I think it's a shame she can't get on board with your dinner, but I think despite that it might work out in your favor. You guys can explain to the wedding party, and their dates/partners, you're obviously hosting the actual rehersal and then the dinner for you guys immediately after. Her "event" can be a a family welcome dinner for guests coming from out of town, or whoever she wants. 

    You could contact her, let her know you are confused and that she's obviously welcome to be at yours as the mother of the groom - but, if she wanted instead to host something for family coming into town that you understand. Is your rehersal the night before the wedding? Any way she can change her party to perhaps the night before for her family, and still attend yours? Either way, she's acting nutty and people will see that for what it is.
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    Holy hell. I had no idea there was a prior thread with additional info on this. OP, my sympathy for you continues to grow. I can't even wrap my brain around this.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Put at the top of your invites that YOU are hosting the one you will be attending.  My husband and I hosted the RD with my parents.  All of our names were at the top of the invitation.  Not sure of your nut of a FMIL but guessing there is no mention of you on the invitation.  Also, make sure that anyone whom you really want at yours is aware that you will be at the one you are hosting and not the other
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-throwing-rehearsal-dinner-without-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e4a254ed-f759-452f-b0a0-974d8812f1d6Post:8812c476-5d3c-4c92-9223-6e44cb9693d7">Re: FMIL throwing rehearsal dinner without us</a>:
    [QUOTE]Put at the top of your invites that YOU are hosting the one you will be attending.  My husband and I hosted the RD with my parents.  All of our names were at the top of the invitation.  Not sure of your nut of a FMIL but guessing there is no mention of you on the invitation.  Also, make sure that anyone whom you really want at yours is aware that you will be at the one you are hosting and not the other
    Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]



    Her invite says our names on it.

    Anyways, update: we called everyone and explained, saying that FMIL is planning a separate family gathering, although I think everyone knew that wasn't the case. I was worried about our pastor, who is a family friend of FMIL and her old boss and he just laughed and said he'd come to ours. The only weird part was when we got an email from a relative FMIL invited to hers but we aren't inviting to ours saying that she was so excited to see us and we had to explain we aren't going.
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    I agree.  Let her deal with the guests wondering why there is no B&G at the RD.  If it were me, anyone who asks would be deferred staraight to her while I as politely as possible told them that as we will not be attending, we do not know any of the details.

    Would love tp be a fly on the wall of the family dinner when people realize there will be no B or G. LOL
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    It's not a rehearsal dinner with out the bride & groom.  She is absouletly crazy.
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