FIL and their half of the guest list

jessndrew22

Hi,
Fiance and I created our guest list for our wedding next fall, we just got his parents half of the list.. theirs is greater than ours.. and my family is paying for it.
actually I am paying for it all on my own. He asked them to help financially and they are but it is not enough to cover what they want for a party this large.

HOW do i handle this? His parents are very sweet but my family just doesnt have the money to throw such an extravagant event.

We asked them to cut the list and got blank stares..

sep72fendr

Talk to your Fiance. He obviously needs to talk to his parents about that. Have a set number in mind. Don't exceed it. I told my parents if they want people there that I had no intention of inviting (aka distant family), then they had to pay for it. I figured out price per head and told them how much each person's meal/drinks would cost and they said they would cover it.

I can only send hope your way that Fi will have the ability to talk to his parents (privately without you there to avoid awkwardness) about it and let them know what's up. Then hold your ground. Let them know if they can't make cuts, then you will. It's your wedding, you are paying, you have the ultimate say.

laurenclaire1386

If you can't afford to have all the people they want there, then you can't afford it. Tell them how many guests your budget will allow, split up those guests between the two families, then have your FI tell his parents that you have x amount of money to spend to invite x amount of people, and that if they want more than that, they need to foot the bill for the extra people. It's usually best to let your FI talk to his parents about money rather than you doing it alone.

aMrsin09

Sit down with FI and his parents list.  Decide which of those people HE wants there.  Give the extra names back to FIL's and tell them how many they can pick from the left over list.

[Deleted User]

Definitely time for a talk. If you and your parents are paying for it, you get to say how many people are invited. Then you can split the guest lists from there.

marissa_claire

Have FI talk to them.  I would set a definite number and say not to exceed it.  If they do exceed it, have FI say that if they won't cut people.... then he will!

skippylouwho

You should have decided how many they were permitted to invite and then given them that number and told them "you may invite xx number of people to our wedding, please send me your list" or something similar. 

alyssalowe

Hahah. I had a same situation. My fmil was told she could invite twenty people (not paying for anything) and she gave me twenty "sets" of names... I left it alone to appease her and not start drama and she agreed to pay for the cake and photographer deposit (total of $400) and threw a fit that she couldnt have more people for that amount of helping... um cuz it doesnt even cover their drinks or food?!? Whatever we dropped it and now that the week has come that we are sending out invites she has snuck in another ten people somehow.

M&R7111

Same situation:

We are paying for the wedding and my parents said they can afford to offer a little as a gift.  FILs guest list is HUGE. 

When we said we can't afford this many people - FMIL suggested I sit down and ask MY parents how much they are paying.  (no offer from FILs at all to lay down any cash to cover their gigantic family - one in which everyone needs to be included!!!)

My parents were offend  by this suggestion.  Says my father "I'm not going to put up a second mortgage on the house to host a family reunion for these people!" 

What we did:  FI and I decided on our budget and made our guest list from there (what SHOULD have been done in the first place!)
We gave this list to both families and said "THIS IS IT!  Now, if you would like to invite more people, you are welcome to do so - they will be $71 a head"

My parents are fine with this - and they plan to cover people we could not like second cousins and all.  They will invite as many as they can afford.

I'm expecting blank stares from FI's parents, but oh well, FI and I are on the same page with this - which is what really counts.