Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance

RPLwedding

We have narrowed our reception down to two locations.  One is a 10 minute drive from ceremony to reception and one is a 35 minute drive.  The 35 minute drive location is $600 less than the closer location, which is a lot for our small budget.  Is 35 minutes an unacceptable distance to ask guests to drive? 

radleyboo

I think that's fine, but I would keep any other waiting time between ceremony and cocktail hour/reception to a minimum.  Be sure to include very clear maps or directions for your guests so no one gets lost.

Good luck and happy planning!

ootmother2

Here, I would say about 45 minutes max.  You''re fine

lyndausvi

Where is the reception in relation to the where the majority of people live?   

That is my gauge.   If it takes me 15 minutes to get to the cermeony and then another 35 to get to the reception I'm going to pretty annoyed at having a 50 min drive home. 

 If the reception is closer to where people live or the ceremony is close by it's not that big of a deal.

catloverd

I think if it's more than 20, I would be a little annoyed if it was right after the ceremony. However, if it's later in the evening, then I wouldn't mind. My cousin did that. She had her ceremony at 1PM and the her reception didn't start till 5PM so guests were able to go to the hotel and rest for a bit before making the longer drive to the reception site. Her church was like a 20 min drive to begin with from the hotel. They lived out in the boonies so that can't really be helped..... everything is far away. 

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance:[QUOTE]I think if it's more than 20, I would be a little annoyed if it was right after the ceremony. However, if it's later in the evening, then I wouldn't mind. My cousin did that. She had her ceremony at 1PM and the her reception didn't start till 5PM so guests were able to go to the hotel and rest for a bit before making the longer drive to the reception site. Her church was like a 20 min drive to begin with from the hotel. They lived out in the boonies so that can't really be helped..... everything is far away.nbsp; Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]

OP, please ignore this terrible advice. Gaps are rude, so if you choose the further location, make sure something is hosted for guests when they arrive. I don't think 35 minutes is too terrible, but I certainly wouldn't want to be commuting any longer than that. Are there hotels nearby the further location?

JaxInBlue

I agree with lynda.  What would the drive home be like for the local guests?  If it's that whole 50 minutes, I would be annoyed.  If you also have guests driving past a bunch of other wedding locations, as a guest I'd be wondering why you picked something so far away.

Do you have decent hotel options near this farther venue?  What time of day will your reception conclude?  50 minutes would be easier for me to take if things wrapped up earlier, as opposed to 11:00 PM or midnight, or if I could stay at a nice but reasonably priced hotel.

StephBeanWed61502

35 minutes isn't awful, but I'd personally choose the closer location and cut back somewhere else (like skipping favors or programs or something).

DramaGeek

Around here 35 minutes will put you past a hell of a lot of venues.  People get pissy if it's more than 15 minutes away, so I'd definitely go for the one that is 10 minutes away. 

On the other hand, in more rural areas 35 minutes might mean you pass one diner and that's it between the two venues, so I think it really depends on your area.

Summer2011Bride

I don't think 35 min. is a huge deal, but that's the furthest I'd go. Around Chicago, a venue mmay be 10 miles away but becomes a 40 min. drive with traffic, and no one blicks an eye at that. So I might come from a different background with it too.

If it's door to door 35 min. including any traffic issues, I think it's fine.

Maggie0829

I would say 45 minutes max. 

I could care less if the ceremony is 15 minutes away and then I have to drive another 30-40 minutes further to get to the reception.  This is something I would most likely realize when I get the invite and if the distance is really that much of an issue I would just decline the invite.

achiduck

For $600 I'd chose the closer location. If we were talking thousands I'd say go for the other but it's only $600 so I'd cutback elsewhere to makeup the difference.

TheVirginians

Is there any other reason than $600 to chose the farther away reception? If so, then 35 minutes is nothing.  We chose a really unique site that is 30 minutes away.

Jen4948

Do your best to eliminate and minimize any gaps.  Unless there's absolutely no other choice, I'd strike for, say, 20-30 minutes at the most between the ceremony and reception, and provide cocktails and hors d'oeuvres before the reception starts for anyone who gets there early.  This is me, so if that doesn't work for you, then do the best you can-but please, don't deliberately keep people for a really prolonged period of time (more than 30 minutes) waiting with nothing to do, eat, or drink.  That really is rude.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:83ec140f-a113-4607-a7d1-488a1b0526db">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]Do your best to eliminate and minimize any gaps.  Unless there's absolutely no other choice, I'd strike for, say, 20-30 minutes at the most between the ceremony and reception, and provide cocktails and hors d'oeuvres before the reception starts for anyone who gets there early.  This is me, so if that doesn't work for you, then do the best you can-but please, don't deliberately keep people for a really prolonged period of time (more than 30 minutes) waiting with nothing to do, eat, or drink.  That really is rude.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

OP said nothing about there being any gaps during her wedding day so I really don't get why you felt the need to point this out.

And drive time does not count as a gap.  Having your wedding at noon and then not having the reception start until 5pm is a gap.

itzMS

Just adding two cents to the discussion, as most PPs have addressed the major points.

I have "grumbled" to myself when a reception location is more than 20 minutes away from the church/ceremony site, but I would never say anything to the couple and it's really not a big deal. In my circle, we just like to start the party right away versus a long-ish drive. I often end up carpooling with a bunch of my friends and we make the best of it.

OP, you have to know your crowd. A distance that far is not rude, but if it's not common in your area, or you have lots of guests from out of town, you might want to reconsider.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:142f7307-4aaf-44d9-ae4d-607ec403110b">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance : OP said nothing about there being any gaps during her wedding day so I really don't get why you felt the need to point this out. And drive time does not count as a gap.  Having your wedding at noon and then not having the reception start until 5pm is a gap.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

She was asking which reception venue to choose, and I was responding that whatever choice she makes, she should strive to minimize the gap.  For some people 30 minutes to get to her reception might be too long, for some it might not.  And yes, the time it takes to get from one venue to another does indeed constitute a "gap."  I firmly disagree with you on that.

What you "get" or "don't get" is not my concern.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:ead25c25-dd2d-4917-b97c-a81559308e56">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance : She was asking which reception venue to choose, and I was responding that whatever choice she makes, she should strive to minimize the gap.  For some people 30 minutes to get to her reception might be too long, for some it might not.  And yes, the time it takes to get from one venue to another does indeed constitute a "gap."  I firmly disagree with you on that. <strong>What you "get" or "don't get" is not my concern.
</strong>Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Um, woah miss attitude!  I understand hosting your guests properly but if a guest has that big of an issue with driving for a certain amount of time they are well within their rights to decline the invitation.  It is impossible to please everyone and I for one do not think that you should sacrifice a venue you love because it may cause a few of your guests to travel a bit further then others.

And I am sorry but I wholeheartedly disagree with you about travel time.  When I go to weddings I expect to be travelling between ceremony and reception.  If the travel distance is 45 minutes I do not consider that a gap because the reception still follows immediately after the ceremony.  A gap to me indicates that I have to sit around twiddling my thumbs for a few hours before the couple will actually provide anything for me to do, eat or drink.  A 45 minute or less travel time is not me twiddling my thumbs but actually driving to get to the reception location where I will walk in and immediately be served a drink or apps.

Edit:  Grr...I hate when TK centers my responses!

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:1dbcda8b-ad46-4a4b-88a8-5baa2a50fca6">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance : <strong>Um, woah miss attitude!</strong>Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE] 

Then don't give me any and I won't give you any.

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance :
I understand hosting your guests properly but if a guest has that big of an issue with driving for a certain amount of time they are well within their rights to decline the invitation.  It is impossible to please everyone and I for one do not think that you should sacrifice a venue you love because it may cause a few of your guests to travel a bit further then others. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE] 

I happen to agree with you about this.

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance :
And I am sorry but I wholeheartedly disagree with you about travel time.  When I go to weddings I expect to be travelling between ceremony and reception.  If the travel distance is 45 minutes I do not consider that a gap because the reception still follows immediately after the ceremony.  A gap to me indicates that I have to sit around twiddling my thumbs for a few hours before the couple will actually provide anything for me to do, eat or drink.  A 45 minute or less travel time is not me twiddling my thumbs but actually driving to get to the reception location where I will walk in and immediately be served a drink or apps. Edit:  Grr...I hate when TK centers my responses!
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

So let's agree to disagree without getting into a stupid fight over what the word "gap" means.  For some people it includes the transportation time between ceremony and reception; for others it does not.  I don't feel like arguing over semantics.  I still think that this amount of time, regardless of how it is used, is best minimized as much as possible.  It doesn't mean having to not use a wonderful reception venue just because it is a little farther away; it does mean the time arranging other logistics of getting that venue ready to use and receive guests, getting food and drinks ready, and other things that go on before the reception starts should be as efficient as possible.

Maggie0829

Jen4948, I certainly did not give you any attitude in my prior post.  I was just saying that you speaking about gaps when the OP said nothing about having any sort of gap whatsoever (excluding travel time) was not helpful when it came to the question at hand.

And as for things being efficient.  The only times things will not run efficiently is if the venue is poorly managed which is in no way the couples fault (unless they knew about the poor management of the place but decided to book it anyways.)

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:de591b96-e1e5-4ee7-972b-cec7cc5b96ac">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]Jen4948, I certainly did not give you any attitude in my prior post.  I was just saying that you speaking about gaps when the OP said nothing about having any sort of gap whatsoever (excluding travel time) was not helpful when it came to the question at hand. And as for things being efficient.  The only times things will not run efficiently is if the venue is poorly managed which is in no way the couples fault (unless they knew about the poor management of the place but decided to book it anyways.)
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Just because she didn't say something doesn't mean it isn't helpful, so I think you need to let each person who reads this thread decide that on their own rather than making that decision for them.

And the truth is, any number of things could happen on one day that could prevent things from running efficiently and smoothly that are not the result of poor management of the venue-the vendors could also be at fault, or there could be something else going on.  There may not even be other venues if the couple and wedding party are in charge of setting up-in which case, they need to get things going as efficiently and smoothly as possible so the reception can get going as soon as possible.

afeliz79

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:125107a0-1999-403d-ad92-eb785a83d540">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance : Just because she didn't say something doesn't mean it isn't helpful, so I think you need to let each person who reads this thread decide that on their own rather than making that decision for them. And the truth is, any number of things could happen on one day that could prevent things from running efficiently and smoothly that are not the result of poor management of the venue-the vendors could also be at fault, or there could be something else going on.  There may not even be other venues if the couple and wedding party are in charge of setting up-in which case, they need to get things going as efficiently and smoothly as possible so the reception can get going as soon as possible.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
Wow! You are incredibly high strung.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:125107a0-1999-403d-ad92-eb785a83d540">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance : Just because she didn't say something doesn't mean it isn't helpful, so I think you need to let each person who reads this thread decide that on their own rather than making that decision for them. And the truth is, any number of things could happen on one day that could prevent things from running efficiently and smoothly that are not the result of poor management of the venue-the vendors could also be at fault, or there could be something else going on.  There may not even be other venues if the couple and wedding party are in charge of setting up-in which case, they need to get things going as efficiently and smoothly as possible so the reception can get going as soon as possible.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Holy crap!  Life is not perfect and sh*t sometimes happens.  And as such you need to learn to roll with the punches.  If I were a guest and the venue was messing up I certainly wouldn't look down on the bride and groom I would be looking badly at the venue.  Same with any other vendor that may have f'd up.  Now if the bride and groom took on the whole shabang themselves and things took longer then expected or things were a bit disorganized I would just deal with it.  Because, like I said, life is not perfect, things don't always go as planned and you just need to be flexible.

Now if the bride and groom made deliberate decisions that affected pretty much the entire guest list, like picking a recpetion location 3 hours from the ceremony location, or only providing cheese and crackers at dinner time then yes, I would be pissed at them, but if things are out of their control, no matter how much you plan, then I would be upset for them not at them.

You really need to relax and realize that no matter how much you plan things can still go wrong and there isn't much you can do about it.

Oh, and since this is a public forum I can post whatever the heck I want to so if I want to say that something you posted is pointless I can.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:7c9455a8-b966-4166-951a-cd7a2ccd649b">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance : Holy crap!  Life is not perfect and sh*t sometimes happens.  And as such you need to learn to roll with the punches.  If I were a guest and the venue was messing up I certainly wouldn't look down on the bride and groom I would be looking badly at the venue.  Same with any other vendor that may have f'd up.  Now if the bride and groom took on the whole shabang themselves and things took longer then expected or things were a bit disorganized I would just deal with it.  Because, like I said, life is not perfect, things don't always go as planned and you just need to be flexible. Now if the bride and groom made deliberate decisions that affected pretty much the entire guest list, like picking a recpetion location 3 hours from the ceremony location, or only providing cheese and crackers at dinner time then yes, I would be pissed at them, but if things are out of their control, no matter how much you plan, then I would be upset for them not at them. You really need to relax and realize that no matter how much you plan things can still go wrong and there isn't much you can do about it. O<strong>h, and since this is a public forum I can post whatever the heck I want to so if I want to say that something you posted is pointless I can.</strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

With the exception of the bolded, where the hell did I suggest anything different?  You complained before about "attitude," but you're the one giving me unnecessary hostility.

RPLwedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_acceptable-ceremony-to-reception-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e58f88f1-3674-481b-807d-104915639ca8Post:e1bd7437-b126-4cf9-94c9-d09c4459cf72">Re: Acceptable Ceremony to Reception Distance</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that's fine, but I would keep any other waiting time between ceremony and cocktail hour/reception to a minimum.  Be sure to include very clear maps or directions for your guests so no one gets lost. Good luck and happy planning!
Posted by radleyboo[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Thanks so much for the input!</div>

RPLwedding

Both of the ceremony sites are generic country clubs, the one that is further isn't any more special than the close one.  We will be having a gap no matter where the reception is so we can take pictures.  However, BECAUSE of the gap we will be having plenty of food and drinks and activities.  I thought it might be a good opportunity for the two families to get to know each other.  Thanks for all the great ideas, though, becasue I never thought about hotel locations.  There are hotels by the close location and none by the further one.  Also, most of the guests are from out of town.  

Thanks for all of the great points!!!

NOLAbridealmost

Do the closer one.  If it's just a generic wedding venue, guests are going to be wondering about (aka, side-eying) why you'd pick something so far away.  I think for 600 dollars, it's worth it to do the considerate thing.  

If you're hosting drinks and food during your photographs, that's a cocktail hour--not a gap--and is perfectly acceptable.   If there is just down time where guests have nothing to do because of the delay between ceremony and reception, that is a gap and is very rude. 

Good luck.