Inviting the boss and co-worker?!

shinycc

Hi everyone!

How are you all? I do apologize ahead of time for probably repeating this question if you guys have seen it before plenty of times! Here is my situation:

I work in a small team of four at our office. I get along great with our assistant but have bumped heads with my boss and co-worker. Despite the conflict that we have had in the past (example of it: being called a b/@$h by my co-worker, because I took my time to say thank you for help on a project that was assigned to both of us and it took me in her eyes roughly a few minutes-another example...sorry...my boss always siding with her because she pretty much sucks up) we have managed to smooth things out and just be fake about getting along. My question is have you guys ever been in a situation where you didnt invite your boss and did it cause drama after the wedding back at work because of it?

They ask about my wedding and I do tell them details but I just can't see myself inviting them to my wedding. They make me feel uncomfortable. I do want to invite my co-workers that I do get along with and have made work more enjoyable. Side note: I am looking for other jobs and these people make my life easier here at work, so I would like to have them at my wedding. Some of these people work in the office next to ours...sorry i confused you all.

MyUserName1

I would only invite any co-workers that you actually hang out with outside of work, not those that you are just office-friendly with.  I think that inviting the people that you are work-friendly with and NOT these two will cause drama since they seem to be difficult, petty people.

When they ask about the wedding, don't give details, and try to work in that it's going to be a small wedding.

shinycc

Got it! Thanks for your advice MyUserName1!

StephBeanWed61502

In an office that small, and where you have already had significant drama, I would think it would be best to take an "everyone or no one" approach to invitations. The only exception I could see would be if there is one person in particular with whom you are especially close, meaning you socialize outside of work and would consider the person a friend rather than just an especially nice coworker. You could probably get away with inviting that person and no one else without ruffling feathers.

pennylg

I'm only inviting my boss and his wife because we're close. No one else from work will be there because it'd get larger than I can manage. My team (all 14 of my employees and a few peers) all ask about the details and I share them but stress that it's a small wedding with close friends and family only. They suggested that we do a happy hour together so that they can meet my new husband after the wedding. I thought that was a nice alternative and look forward to it.

littleluckypenny

In a small office (talking from experience, only 5 in mine including me), like PP said, invite those who you are friends with outside of work.  Other alternatives can be inviting all or none too.  

As someone who was recently left out of being invited when everyone else was (though I don't have office drama like you do), it truly hurts.  

mmmendi

I am inviting my boss and the team I manage, and it's frustrating because it is maxing out my venue! The intention, however, is to celebrate with them. I've been with my company 12 years, and worked directly with this staff for the last five. They have literally protected me through a volatile divorce, morally supported my boys and I through tough changes and choices - and grilled (and approved of!) FI when he entered my life and came by to pick me up one day...We don't socialize outsidevof work, but I cannot imagine them not being there. I agree with all or nothing - and also agree to the idea of the out-of-work interaction weighing in as well.

mrskristinyc

I'm not inviting any co-workers. Luckily, I have a few things going for me that have made it totally acceptable:

1) A guy co-worker just had a local, huge wedding, and HE didn't invite any of us

2) My wedding is out of state (and would require flights and hotels for most people)

If you don't actually LIKE your co-workers, don't invite them. If my wedding were local, I might invite a few of them, but I wouldn't invite people that I work with and don't really like. I only want to be surrounded by my favorite people on my wedding day.

joleri23

I'm not inviting any of my current co-workers, but my boss is a pain in the butt and keeps talking about how she's bought me a wedding gift and such. Well, I've put off dealing with it, and will continue to do so. I never bring up my wedding around her and try my hardest not to talk about it.

The hard reality of all this is that some people, in any avenue of your life, will probably be offended they weren't invited. It blows, but you just have to do your best to deal with it civilly. It's uncomfortable and unfortunate and (in my opinion) incredibly rude for people to assume they're invited, but such is life.

Another way I try to think of it is this: "Would I be deeply offended if this person did NOT invite me to his/her wedding?" If the answer is a resounding no, I tell myself not to sweat it.

shinycc

Thank you everyone for your input. I loved hearing everyone's advice and experiences for my situation. For now, I am not going to stress out this decision. I honestly feel like sometimes I already think of them too much because of all the pointless bs drama at work. It truly is like a scene from Mean Girls where I work at. Lol. My wedding is in November so I will get back to thinking about it again as we get closer to the date and also see how things roll out. I agree with you Joanna about how it is incredibly rude that people will assume that they are automatically invited, especially if you have had some tension build up.

I know my co-worker that called me a name, should already assume that I will not be inviting her but my boss is a different story since I have to talk to her and act like everything is fine.