Showers with overlapping guest lists - OK?

txmom21

One of my BMs has been planning a shower for me for a while. It's 3 weeks from now (wedding is 7 weeks out). 

Another friend approached me today and offered to do a co-ed shower for our friends and their SO's about a week before the wedding. I am not involved in planning either shower - only providing guest lists. 

Problem: Nearly all of the women that would be invited to the co-ed shower are invited to the first one. 

Question: Is it rude to have 2 showers with overlapping guest lists?

(FI and MOB say no. I feel weird about it.)

Mrs.B6302007

You're right.  Inviting the same guests to 2 different showers is inappropriate; it comes off gift grabby.

brilibby4

You are right, it comes across as a bit rude.  I would feel uncomfortable coming to a second shower without a gift, but would be annoyed that I was expected to buy you two shower gifts.

katiewhompus

I would see if they would be willing to work together. I would be a bit put off if I received an invite to 2 showers with mostly the same people.

ootmother2

only the mothers and the bridal party are iinvited to all showers and only one gift is expected.  it's just a courtesy, they certainly aren't required to attend

katiewhompus

No its not required, but I know if I got invited to a party solo, and then invited to a party with Dh within a few weeks of each other for the same event I would be skipping the solo party. I just think each party is going to have less people and I would hate for one or the other friend to feel like their party was stolen or something.

brilibby4

Obviously it isn't required to bring a gift to the party, but I personally would feel very awkward arriving without one. 

txmom21

Thanks, ladies. 

Now: How do I politely decline the offer for the second shower? I'm thinking something like, "Jane, thank you so much for the offer, but Sally has already been planning this for some time, and I don't feel comfortable inviting the same guests to two showers."

I had considered cutting down the guest list for the first shower, but invitations have already been bought and plans made for the original number of guests, and I feel like it would be an insult to my friend who has put all of her effort into planning to call her and say, "By the way, take some of the names off the guest list. Someone else has offered to host another shower."

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showers-overlapping-guest-lists-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e660e2b0-df6e-48b0-8c83-d1ca37578424Post:cbb46b0b-fc18-45d0-958a-ce3cb265278e">Re: Showers with overlapping guest lists - OK?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, ladies.  Now: How do I politely decline the offer for the second shower? I'm thinking something like, "Jane, thank you so much for the offer, but Sally has already been planning this for some time, and I don't feel comfortable inviting the same guests to two showers."
Posted by txmom21[/QUOTE]

This sounds perfect.

KentuckyKate

My cousin had 2 showers, and the aunts, mothers, and grandmothers were overlapping guests.  Cousin just gave their gifts back to them after the first shower and they re-wrapped them.  I think that's a good idea and is something I would consider doing with family, but not friends.