selfish etiquette related vent/plea

OuachitaTrixie

I know that it is entirely selfish to want people to wear something nicer than jeans to my wedding.  But I still want it!  I am having too many people tell me that they are wearing jeans or "dressy denim" (WTF?) to our wedding.  I reeeeaally would like them to wear something nicer. 
I know that I am not allowed to request certain attire.  I know that I just have to "focus on what really matters."  and yes, we will still be married at the end of the day.  I'm not trying to say otherwise.  I just wish that a wedding fairy would bonk them in their heads with her touch-o-class-wand.

WildRumpus

Just remember, they're the ones who come off looking foolish, not you.

aragx6

Ha! You gotta love that "dressy denim" oxymoron.

But you know Jill is right -- some people insist on underdressing for events, but there really isn't anything you can do about it but take heart in the fact that they look silly.

laurenclaire1386

How does one get into a conversation about what guests will be wearing to her wedding? That's a conversation I didn't have with anyone but my mom and MIL prior to the wedding. I always wonder how a bride comes to know what her guests (other than WP and close family) are planning to wear to her wedding.

OuachitaTrixie

that does help

elizabeth121985

What style is your wedding?  Is it a backyard bbq?  Did you send out super casual invites (not saying there's anything wrong with that?

Just trying to figure out why you're getting this respons concerning guests fashion.

More info please

aragx6

And also, YOU'LL look gorgeous. That's what people will really remember!

MsLaura31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:14b35ba0-2d3b-4767-9ebc-a4922df17b57">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]How does one get into a conversation about what guests will be wearing to her wedding? That's a conversation I didn't have with anyone but my mom and MIL prior to the wedding. I always wonder how a bride comes to know what her guests (other than WP and close family) are planning to wear to her wedding.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

My boss has talking about what she's going to wear for a few weeks now... She brought the shoes she bought just for my wedding to the office to show me. So it happens.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:14b35ba0-2d3b-4767-9ebc-a4922df17b57">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]How does one get into a conversation about what guests will be wearing to her wedding? That's a conversation I didn't have with anyone but my mom and MIL prior to the wedding. I always wonder how a bride comes to know what her guests (other than WP and close family) are planning to wear to her wedding.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I had conversations with all sorts of people about what they were wearing. I didn't bring it up, but other people did -- either to confirm that they were at the "right" level of dressiness or to discuss that they'd bought a dress or were looking for one or that their DH was wearing a tux or not wearing a tux, etc. In my experience, it's pretty common to discuss what people will be wearing.

OP, I don't see anything wrong with letting someone know that the wedding is more formal than jeans if they bring it up to you in the first place.

slwager

maybe this will be an unpopular opinion but if people are telling the OP what they're wearing i think she could say something like "dressy jeans are great but our wedding is a bit more formal than that"

edit for poor grammar

laurenclaire1386

Huh. Well I guess it's more common than I thought. Seems strange to me.

elizabeth121985

Have you sent out invites yet?  I receive invites all the time with "cocktail attire", "black tie optional", "white tie" on them. 

This would give the guests an idea of the level of formality.

bczican77

I think we're in the minority. We're actually requesting that people dress down for ours.  Shorts and sandals are fine with us. To me, it's about people being comfortable.  I don't understand why they need to dress up for our wedding??  But like I said, I think we're in the minority! LOL

slwager

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:1fa62cf0-c854-4c59-a57d-840d137e4594">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]I think we're in the minority. We're actually requesting that people dress down for ours.  Shorts and sandals are fine with us. To me, it's about people being comfortable.  I don't understand why they need to dress up for our wedding??  But like I said, I think we're in the minority! LOL
Posted by bczican77[/QUOTE]

that's great!  really.  i've enjoyed quite a few casual weddings.  but all weddings are different and many people find it to be one of few occasions for a bit of formality in a casual world.  :)  myself included. 

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:d8c85a29-3742-4a06-adc3-ff810bd437d4">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you sent out invites yet?  I receive invites all the time with "cocktail attire", "black tie optional", "white tie" on them.  This would give the guests an idea of the level of formality.
Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]
No. The style of your invitation itself is supposed to give guests an idea of the formality of your event. Unless you're having it at a place that requires a certain type of dress (like sports coats for men), you don't need to mention any type of dress on the invitations.

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:09c15185-7289-4d99-b7a4-e0d7481917fd">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea : No. The style of your invitation itself is supposed to give guests an idea of the formality of your event. Unless you're having it at a place that requires a certain type of dress (like sports coats for men), you don't need to mention any type of dress on the invitations.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

The reason those guidelines were listed is because they were at venues where a certain type of dress was required.  i.e. at most country clubs you can't enter with jeans on.

baystateapple

I only noticed/remember one person's outfit from our wedding.  And that was a friend of H's who made her beautiful blue dress herself.  It was gorgeous.

Other than that, if someone wore jeans, I didn't see it, or don't remember.

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:d8c85a29-3742-4a06-adc3-ff810bd437d4">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you sent out invites yet?  I receive invites all the time with "cocktail attire", "black tie optional", "white tie" on them.  This would give the guests an idea of the level of formality.
Posted by elizabeth121985[/QUOTE]

First of all, this is wrong except for black tie.

Second of all, you go to white tie events? Can we be friends? Will you invite me? Who has white tie events anymore? Do you go to tons of debutante balls? State dinners have even been dropped down to black tie by Obama.

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:09c15185-7289-4d99-b7a4-e0d7481917fd">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea : No. The style of your invitation itself is supposed to give guests an idea of the formality of your event. Unless you're having it at a place that requires a certain type of dress (like sports coats for men), you don't need to mention any type of dress on the invitations.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Also, I personally appreciate when such a line is printed.  This way I know: okay, I need to wear a fun sundress because a full gown would be too much; or that I need to wear a formal gown because the reception is going to be in a ballroom, etc

That's just my personal two cents though

jemmini6

I mentioned this to someone on my month board, but if you have someone who thinks jeans is appropriate to wear to a wedding, they will probably still do so no matter how much you mention 'cocktail' or 'semi-formal' attire so it's really something you are just going to have to let go.

The only exception is if you are getting married at a venue with their own dress code, in which case, you should inform your guests of that.  However, I doubt even the most uptight venues would turn a guest away for not following the code to the T. 

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:69af4760-6d93-49f7-83ea-a9522fa3e8a7">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea : First of all, this is wrong except for black tie. Second of all, you go to white tie events? Can we be friends? Will you invite me? Who has white tie events anymore? Do you go to tons of debutante balls? State dinners have even been dropped down to black tie by Obama.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

haha you're cracking me up.  i've been to several deb balls and they have all been white tie. 

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:d4b324c5-30f0-4b14-9a10-ab9907bb08e0">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]I mentioned this to someone on my month board, but<strong> if you have someone who thinks jeans is appropriate to wear to a wedding, they will probably still do so no matter how much you mention 'cocktail' or 'semi-formal' attire</strong> so it's really something you are just going to have to let go. The only exception is if you are getting married at a venue with their own dress code, in which case, you should inform your guests of that.  However, I doubt even the most uptight venues would turn a guest away for not following the code to the T. 
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

unfortunately this is probably going to be the case with said guests

MrsChasey

I totally understand. I have a few family members I'm concerned about. I know I can't say anything to them, but I told my mom and grandma I was concerned about those people and that I'd be very happy if they just wore khaki's and a button down shirt. Yes, I'd rather have them in suits, but it's not going to happen. I figured they should at least be able to do that...doubt they have even that nice of clothes in the their closet but it's more affordable.

mica178

Most guests can figure out what to wear based on the following: time of day of reception, location of reception and formality of invitation.  For the clueless, let the important people in the wedding planning (the MOB/MOG, MOH, etc.) know about your intended wedding formality (cocktail attire, black tie optional, etc.), and if guests call them for advice, they can dispense that information.

As PPs said, there are people who will ignore whatever you have written in the corner of the invitation and wear whatever they please.  For the rest of us, we know how to read cues and can behave and dress accordingly.

MissKate2011

Every time I see people wearing jeans and/or hoodies to a wedding I cringe.

shanshiegirl

If it makes you feel any better, I have a FMIL and a F step-MIL and they have both been inundating me with details/questions about what they will be wearing:

1. F-step-MIL has sent me 15 pictures of 15 dresses asking my opinion (this was after I indicated that I didn't want to make a cross-country trip solely to go dress shopping with her, either for my dress or for her dress). She then invited herself to my bachelorette party AND the shower my mom is throwing for me.

2. FMIL has informed me that she wants to wear her OWN wedding dress to our wedding. We're talking full-on, ivory satin ball gown with a chapel train. Oh, but she will be taking off the train for our wedding, as per her latest email.

Kill me.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:fa788327-8230-44fd-9db7-1669a951e3df">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE]2. FMIL has informed me that she wants to wear her OWN wedding dress to our wedding. We're talking full-on, ivory satin ball gown with a chapel train. Oh, but she will be taking off the train for our wedding, as per her latest email. Kill me.
Posted by shanshiegirl[/QUOTE]

Well if it's any consolation she's going to look like a fuucking idiot.

lizziec08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:fa788327-8230-44fd-9db7-1669a951e3df">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE] 2. FMIL has informed me that she wants to wear her OWN wedding dress to our wedding. We're talking full-on, ivory satin ball gown with a chapel train. Oh, but she will be taking off the train for our wedding, as per her latest email. Kill me.
Posted by shanshiegirl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>WOW.  She sounds crazy.  I can't even imagine that.  I feel for you!

</div>

eviltwin13

Someone wore a tie-dye bright blue tux to my sister's wedding. In retrospect I think she would have preferred him in jeans!

jrkjpf

I"m semi curious to how FMIL is going to show.
Seems to be jeans, extra large shirt and dirt baseball caps seems to be the dressy attire to her.

shelby_louis_2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_selfish-etiquette-related-ventplea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6687839-0d13-4de8-8d94-fa8db0103560Post:fa788327-8230-44fd-9db7-1669a951e3df">Re: selfish etiquette related vent/plea</a>:
[QUOTE] 2. FMIL has informed me that she wants to wear her OWN wedding dress to our wedding. We're talking full-on, ivory satin ball gown with a chapel train. Oh, but she will be taking off the train for our wedding, as per her latest email. Kill me.
Posted by shanshiegirl[/QUOTE]

:O Mary mother of God you've got to be joking. That's when you elope or accidentally leave mother-in-law tied up in a closet until the wedding is over.....