Last minute kids - need advice

sundai00

My wedding is in a few weeks and we didn't invite any children, with the exception of my 2 nieces who are flower girls. My cousin is driving in from out of state and wasn't able to find a sitter for her 2 daughters (ages 8 & 12). She's now planning on leaving them at the hotel while her and her husband attend the ceremony. I feel really bad that she's having to do that but my other cousins (all from the same family) left their kids at home, so I think it would be unfair allowing her to bring her kids when no one else could. I'm going to try to find a sitter for them but no guarantees. Should I let her bring them or not?

itzMS

What is your cousin doing with the kids for the reception? I don't see a problem with the kids at the ceremony, if that's all she and her husband are attending. Allowing the daughters at the reception is probably a bad idea if you are allowing no other children.

sundai00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-kids-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e67eb9af-8cfd-4511-bad5-6bba05991135Post:9aaa00e5-cdfc-428e-9c1c-e551e1131410">Re: Last minute kids - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]What is your cousin doing with the kids for the reception? I don't see a problem with the kids at the ceremony, if that's all she and her husband are attending. Allowing the daughters at the reception is probably a bad idea if you are allowing no other children.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>They were planning on leaving after dinner to get back to the kids. If I invited the kids they would be attending both ceremony and reception.

</div>

Calypso1977

i wouldnt allow her to bring them.  she's had ample time to find a sitter and she still has a few weeks to find someone.  it isnt fair to the others who made proper arrangements.  i find it hard to believe they cant find a sitter or a HS student who'd be willign to even travel wtih them that weekend and stay in the hotel wtih them.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-kids-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e67eb9af-8cfd-4511-bad5-6bba05991135Post:f189f3c4-6d43-44ee-9f40-10f62f6007c5">Re: Last minute kids - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]i wouldnt allow her to bring them.  she's had ample time to find a sitter and she still has a few weeks to find someone.  it isnt fair to the others who made proper arrangements.  i find it hard to believe they cant find a sitter or a HS student who'd be willign to even travel wtih them that weekend and stay in the hotel wtih them.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

This.  Especially the part about ample time.

s-aries8990

Do you have any other cousins/friends that are local with kids who are a little older- like 17-18- who isn't going to the wedding? Maybe they can do a  sleepover at the sitter's house if they're a relative, or the sitter can go to the hotel room and go to the pool (if there is one) etc.

theelusive1

Most churches have daycare. I would contact their daycare person (even if it is not your church) ask them to sit the kids at the hotel.   Most churches have ran background checks on daycare workers.   Also you can check with a local daycare?

sundai00

Sydaries - We don't have any teenage relatives/friends that could help unfortunately. 

Theelusive1 - we're not getting married in a church

Thanks for your advice everyone. I just want to make sure I'm not being a total b*tch for not letting her kids come when they are just a few blocks away and we have room on our guestlist. I love the kids but I don't want to piss off the other people who couldn't brings their kids.

Lisa50

The hotel should be able to provide a list of recommended sitters. 

loca4pook

 I would say if you have room, and you don't really mind,  let them come if they are from out of town and you have the space. I think people will understand since she is driving in from out of state. finding a babysitter for the night is a lot easier than finding one for a whole weekend...and alot cheaper

It's your wedding and if you are okay, don't worry about guests saying a word......If it is important that your cousin stay and have fun at the wedding, let her bring the kids since you have the space anyhow....

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-kids-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e67eb9af-8cfd-4511-bad5-6bba05991135Post:f189f3c4-6d43-44ee-9f40-10f62f6007c5">Re: Last minute kids - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]i wouldnt allow her to bring them.  she's had ample time to find a sitter and she still has a few weeks to find someone.  it isnt fair to the others who made proper arrangements.  i find it hard to believe they cant find a sitter or a HS student who'd be willign to even travel wtih them that weekend and stay in the hotel wtih them.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Agreed. It kind of seems like a power play to me. She wants you to say "oh, just bring them." 

</div>

s-aries8990

When do you need your numbers in by? I'd give her until the final date to find a sitter, and then if there is absoloutely no other solutions (nothing reccomended by the hotel, etc) and you are totally OK with them coming, just let them come. If they see only 2 kids there, it's not as though everyone who didn't bring their kids is going to get miffed. Its really what you want; do you rather absoloutely no kids or do you rather your cousin being there to support you? It's just about what "cost" you're willing to pay.

j-harvey

I don't know your cousin But in my experience those who bring kids to the no kids wedding don't supervise them. I assume not only did people find sitters But some declined because their kids were not invited. I would expect not only parent to be upset But the child free friends and family of parents. When I think about it I'm still annoyed about a wedding from a couple of years ago When my OOT brother and his daughters stayed home But others ignored the no kids It was no kids for everyone. I also agree with P P Who suggested this always was her child care plan Don't find childcare and ask to bring them anyways.

Calypso1977

bottom line in, when people have kids you make sacrifices.  your kids wont always be welcome everywhere.  so you then need to decide what best for them - stay home and miss an event or line up a sitter.  sometimes staying home and missing out is the better (or only choice). 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-kids-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e67eb9af-8cfd-4511-bad5-6bba05991135Post:08c85093-667e-4088-9407-ce8131626336">Re: Last minute kids - need advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Last minute kids - need advice : Agreed. It kind of seems like a power play to me. She wants you to say "oh, just bring them." 
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  I'm having a kids free wedding as well and I have a cousin that has known for months about my wedding.  For her, it's not a matter of not being able to find a sitter, she just doesn't want to.  My family feels that it is a "oh just bring him" situation as well.  She's even going so far as to say she's going to bring the kid but that she'll just stay at the hotel during the ceremony and reception with him.  Ummm...then why come?</div><div>
</div><div>I have friends that are out of state or driving a distance that are not bringing their kids.  They found sitters and I think they would totally be pissed at me if I let her kid come and not theirs.</div>

mommy2my3

We are having a kid free reception also, with the exception of our own children and the children in our wedding who happen to be nieces and nephews. Its ticked off a couple of my friends. One in particular have 4 kids and wanted to bring them all. I polietly told her while we would love to be able to have all of our friends and family bring their children we just can't afford it with our budget. And now everyone who has children have found sitters for them. Maybe you can call your local YMCA, and see if they can give you a list of babysitters that passed their training course. Here in MI the YMCA offers babysitter training and the young people who complete it get a certificate. Maybe you can hire one for the evening and offer her good pay and perhaps have snacks and things for the children in the room while your family attends both the ceremony and reception.

kmmssg

I agree with the power play idea.  When you become a parent you have to make decisions based on being a parent.  Like... "Oh, my cousin is having a kid free wedding.  I either need to find child care or I need to decline the invitation."  Stand your ground or it will offend those guests who were considerate enough (and responsible enough) to find child care and abide by your wishes.