Wedding Etiquette Forum

Engagement party etiquette

We got engaged this past summer, and we're getting married next summer in my hometown, which is not where we currently live. My friend wants to plan an engagement party for us in the city in which we live, and he wants to include a bunch of people that won't be invited to the wedding. (I would love to have everyone, but we're trying to shoot for 150 guests!) He said he understood, but that our friends honestly just want to get together in our honor, and they wouldn't care about not getting an invite.

I think it would be great to have everyone together to celebrate a bit, but should I stick with my original plan by only inviting friends who will be at the wedding? Or, would it be okay to have this gathering considering the wedding will be out of town and have a smaller guest list? Help!

Re: Engagement party etiquette

  • yep, only those invited to the wedding should get an invite to the E party (this rule goes for any pre-wedding party).

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  • " My friend wants to plan an engagement party for us in the city in which we live, and he wants to include a bunch of people that won't be invited to the wedding. "

    If I read this correctly then:
    If the friend is planning, the party is it really such a big no. I would just treat it as any other party and it just happens to be in your honor. Really I see it as you aren't the one holding the party so your friend can have a party in your honor if you want.
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  • I agree with Fbrandye. How is someone hosting a party for you suposed to know who is and who is not inivted to the wedding? Treat is as something thrown in your honor and enjoy! And hopefully, guests will be couth enough to know not to ask if they are invited to the main event. :)
  • I'm also going to go against the norm here and agree that because your friend is throwing it for you, it's ok. I think it depends on everyone's social circles. I know some of my friends would love to throw a party for us just for the sake of it, even if they weren't going to be invited. I've heard of couples getting gifts from people who knew they wouldn't be invited to the wedding, but just wanted to get them something because. 
  • I agree with the first two posters (and my new Emily Post wedding etiquette book concurs).  Only those who will receive wedding invites should be invited to any pre-wedding party, regardless of where the wedding will take place.  Also, is it not pretty commonplace for other people to throw the pre-wedding parties?  Where I'm from, it is nearly always someone other than the betrothed couple hosting the engagement party, with guest input from the engaged couple.  So in that case, I don't quite understand the second two posters' points. 
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