Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing

sarah0725

OK, so my cousin has gone of the deep end. About six months ago, he got divorced, and he is already engaged to another woman who he met after his wife left him. He has one kid who I adore, and she has two kids. I've never met this lady.

I'm allowing kids at the wedding, because hey, I'm getting married in an elephant at the beach. Obviously kid-friendly. My original list had my cousin, his wife, and their son, but now this new lady has complicated things, especially because my guest list is tight.

We're all kinda leery about this new romance, because first of all it's so fast, and second of all it seems like she is kind of entrapping him, wanting him to buy this huge house he can't afford so her parents can move in with them, which is a red flag to me. Also, her kids have been bratty to my aunt.

I don't want to invite the kids, and I keep hoping that this will just go away on its own, but that's pretty crummy of me, right? Something tells me that if I invite my cousin's kid but not the stepkids, that will be a huge diick move. Tell me to stop being a catty douche.

kd.joseph

I cant I'm right there with ya Sarah! Sorry I'm no help.

MissLeahM

Yea... I think you need to invite them. It sucks but you never know what it's like until you are in their shoes, right? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. 

laurenclaire1386

You need to invite them, but not wanting to doesn't make you a catty douche Hey, maybe it'll all go down the tubes before the wedding. You can hope, right?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:740ce355-d865-4796-9380-87f973182d3d">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing : Welcome to the longest engagement ever. <strong>We're like freaking Penelope and Odysseus.</strong> Maybe I should come up with a reason to go visit them and meet her. So far, all of my info has come through the grapevine, so maybe things aren't as bad as they seem.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Ha, I love this reference, and I love it even more that I actually got it. I love Homer.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:bff335ef-fc7e-4e80-aa9d-d6ff4412a7c1">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]You need to invite them, but not wanting to doesn't make you a catty douche :) Hey, maybe it'll all go down the tubes before the wedding. You can hope, right?
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Haha indeed I can.

Well, I just extended the olive branch - I sent an email to both brothers in that family asking for their addresses. I didn't say anything about kids or guests, but now I will know the answer if my cousin asks. I'm going to behave myself. :)

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:379a8e47-2307-4dfc-b033-b6f1d4224e8c">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait... you're getting married in a what ?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

sigh

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/12/016892d8-d825-4e71-9cc1-ee6ecfa26a2b.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '016892d8-d825-4e71-9cc1-ee6ecfa26a2b', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/12/016892d8-d825-4e71-9cc1-ee6ecfa26a2b.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

:)

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:6640a84b-0e90-476d-a5d9-2afc924f96dc">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing : sigh :)
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

<div>I was wondering about that too. =P</div>

artbyallie

Ditto pp... 'splain, please!

sarah0725

Her name is Lucy the Elephant, and she is in Margate, NJ.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_the_Elephant

AdeleDazeem

It's all very Jonah and the Whale.

Sarah - I visited Miss Lucy this summer.  We went inside (up her leg, ya know) and that was the first time I saw it!  It's so nice inside now that they have redone it.  I'm excited to see some pics from your wedding!

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:04d40eeb-3809-4a04-928b-77a092d41300">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]It's all very Jonah and the Whale. Sarah - I visited Miss Lucy this summer.  We went inside (up her leg, ya know) and that was the first time I saw it!  It's so nice inside now that they have redone it.  I'm excited to see some pics from your wedding!
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Yay! I also am excited to see pics someday. And to have a wedding that actually happens.

[Deleted User]

omg, getting married in an elephant is the coolest.

missy68

Sarah, I can't tell you how much I want to crash your wedding. Yours and J&K's.

2dBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:94ef034e-72c5-44b6-9add-b153d3f1a07c">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, you kind of have to invite them. Are you really still 9 months out?  If so, chances are either 1) this will go away by then or 2) you will have gotten to know the hose beast and she'll have grown on you. 
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear, is there surgery to fix a hose beast who has begun growing on you?

Mrs.B6302007

I don't think you're obligated to invite the kids.  They're not family.
We didn't invite my brother's now wife's daughter to ours.  They weren't engaged so his step-daughter wasn't family at the time.

Mrs.B6302007

Clarifiying: my answer applies if you're only inviting family kids.  I went back and read your original post and I'm not sure.  I assumed you were.  If you're inviting friend's kids too, then yeah, you should include her kids.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:6ca537aa-9c11-4298-8a82-e961b9c89850">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]Clarifiying: my answer applies if you're only inviting family kids.  I went back and read your original post and I'm not sure.  I assumed you were.  If you're inviting friend's kids too, then yeah, you should include her kids.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

The thing is that there are only two potential kids on the list who aren't family, and they are my professor's kids. My friends aren't a fertile bunch, I guess. And it's possible that my cousin will get married before I do, making these kids technically family, or at least part of his family. Plus, I'm inviting his real kid. So I think my hands are tied.

JanoBean75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stop-being-butthead-right-thing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a6a8a4-9023-4c5f-be2d-8f2025efdd77Post:4a3fb120-1f9a-4ac2-9d3e-b8e3dfa33efc">Re: Make me stop being a butthead and do the right thing</a>:
[QUOTE]She seems smiley enough according to the Facebook. And they've given the whole family endless entertainment the past few months with their constant "<strong>no you're the schmoopie!</strong>" posts. So maybe I should be nice.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

I just choked on my coffee. That right there would make me want to cross them both off the list.

But yeah, I think you have to invite them. But you don't have to like them either. :)

Miss Lucy looks awesome.