Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaid ettiquete

My friend was recently asked to be a bridesmaid in a quickly upcoming wedding. It is a lower budget wedding and she has already put in quite a chunk of change paying for her gown and everything (which is more expensive than the bride's gown) Not saying that is an issue, but she is expecting the bridesmaids to shell out more money than she is even willing to spend. With all this in mind (and running low with spending money left) she is being asked to put in money for the bridal shower. Is it expected that she buy a wedding gift on top of that? She doesn't want to offend anyone but money is running low and with limited time to save up she isn't sure what to do. Any tips?

Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete

  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    First of all she does not need to put in for the shower. She is not required to pay for a shower, and the bride cannot demand a shower from her BMs (not that you specifically said she was, it's hard to tell from your post).

    Secondly a gift is not required either. If she can only do one or the other then she needs to decide which she would prefer to contribute to.

    If buying a meaningful gift for the B&G is more important to her then she can decline putting money up for the shower. If the shower is important to your friend, the BM, then she can contribute to that and not get a gift.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ettiquete?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7db2ee5-c517-4379-bde3-b779d7c83aaaPost:35037941-b7a4-4529-9cd7-4c2e675eb930">Bridesmaid ettiquete</a>:
    [QUOTE]My friend was recently asked to be a bridesmaid in a quickly upcoming wedding. It is a lower budget wedding and she has already put in quite a chunk of change paying for her gown and everything (which is more expensive than the bride's gown) Not saying that is an issue, but she is expecting the bridesmaids to shell out more money than she is even willing to spend. With all this in mind (and running low with spending money left) she is being asked to put in money for the bridal shower. Is it expected that she buy a wedding gift on top of that? She doesn't want to offend anyone but money is running low and with limited time to save up she isn't sure what to do. Any tips?
    Posted by jillianwinland[/QUOTE]

    She just needs to be honest with the bride & the other BMs. She can tell them she can't afford to attend or host the event (She doesn't have to). Or she can offer to cook or use her house. She just needs to tell everyone that she can't spend t0o much more. However, honestly if she can't afford more than the dress, than why did she accept? Being a WP member is expensive. Also how expensive was the dress?

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Who is asking for all this money? The other BM's or the Bride? The BM's are only required to purchase their dresses. All the extras are just that, extra.

    A gift is not necessary, in fact the Bride & Groom should be getting each attendant a gift.

    The Bride should have taken each BM's budget into consideration. Also if the Bride also has a lower budget, she should have never asked her BM's to spend more than she has. I wouldn't ask one of my BM's to spend more on a dress than I would, honestly I think over $150 is absolutely ridiculous for a BM's dress... especially when most aren't that cute.

    Showers & Bachelorette Parties are thrown for the Bride. They aren't necessary. If the Bride is planning tell her to stop. If the other BM's are planning, tell them that their plans need to be within each BM's budget.

    Hope your friend can get a grip on her YUCKY situation :(
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  • I think your friend needs to stand up to her friend and tell her how she feels about all of this. She should of asked her what her budget was before she chose the BM's gowns.

    No, a wedding gift is never required. There were quuite a few of our WP members who did not get us gifts. And I we weren't uspet b/c they spent money on their attire and everything else.
  • I think the bride is being unthoughtful because it sounds like shes trying to make up for her low budget wedding by making her bridesmaids spend a lot of cash. If the bridesmaid dress was really that expensive, I find it selfish that she expects them to shell out even more money for a bridal shower. If its a low budget wedding, so should be the budget of the bridesmaids. She should have consulted each bridesmaid and found out the financial situation with each one individually. As a bride, I made sure to find a nice low-cost bridesmaid dress so that everyone can afford it because I understand we are all finacially different. I'm not asking my bridesmaids to pay for anything but the dress, they are accompanying me and that should be their sole responsibility other than purchasing the dress. It seems like this bride is trying to use them as financial assets as well. I would suggest to have an honest talk with the bride, she has to understand. If not, then she has issues.
  • I was in a wedding where the bride's dress cost less than the bridesmaid. I'm not the only bridesmaid who doesn't speak to the bride anymore (more reasons that the price of dress). Just saying, bridezillas can only get away with that crap on TV. And even so, the cameras aren't around to show bridezilla's relationships deteriorate after the wedding. 

    Answering your question: NO, she does not have to give the bride anything. Even if her dress were just $100, paying for that herself is enough of a wedding gift.
  • She is not required to give a gift.  no-one is required to give a gift.  I have a few people involved with my wedding who are younger but on their own, I do not expect to get a gift from them I am just happy that they are there to make our wedding very special. 

    I do think it is crazy to have the BMs spend more on their dresses than the bride spent on hers. 

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • I'm spending more on a BM dress for my friend's wedding than she spent on her own dress....I had to think twice about that one. I find it difficult to understand since I was very aware of how much my BMs were going to have to spend on my wedding. I feel like making someone spend more on your wedding than you are willing to spend on your own wedding is pretty unrealistic.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ettiquete?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7db2ee5-c517-4379-bde3-b779d7c83aaaPost:94938ad3-e06c-40af-bb88-f839a236892e">Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete</a>:
    [QUOTE]I missed the part about the <strong>BM dresses being more than the bride's gown.  That's ridiculous.</strong>
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Don't hate; it happened to me.

    Yay, David's $99 sale.
    My BM dresses were $130.

    They didn't care. My dress was a fluke happening.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ettiquete?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7db2ee5-c517-4379-bde3-b779d7c83aaaPost:94938ad3-e06c-40af-bb88-f839a236892e">Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete</a>:
    [QUOTE]I missed the part about the BM dresses being more than the bride's gown.  That's ridiculous.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    ??  Why does this matter?  If I found a wedding dress on sale I certainly wouldn't pass it up to find something more expensive that the BMs dresses.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ettiquete?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7db2ee5-c517-4379-bde3-b779d7c83aaaPost:721e364e-6c18-4e8d-92fd-e1adfb04a682">Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete : <strong>Don't hate;</strong> it happened to me. Yay, David's $99 sale. My BM dresses were $130. They didn't care. My dress was a fluke happening.
    Posted by bonnyandtim[/QUOTE]

    :) Like
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-ettiquete?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7db2ee5-c517-4379-bde3-b779d7c83aaaPost:721e364e-6c18-4e8d-92fd-e1adfb04a682">Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid ettiquete : Don't hate; it happened to me. Yay, David's $99 sale. My BM dresses were $130. They didn't care. My dress was a fluke happening.
    Posted by bonnyandtim[/QUOTE]

    Like :)

    I am thinking the OP is suggesting the bride shopped around for a good deal on her gown, but did not put much effort into looking for a reasonably priced BM dress.  At least that is my conclusion based on the evidence presented. 

    I also considered my BP's budgets when shopping for their dresses and made sure they were OK with the price.  If they were not, then I would have found something within the group's budget. 
    Anniversary
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