FI's Last Initial in Monogram?

michellep1

I posted this on my month board, but the actual answer to the "bad etiquette or bad luck" question is still unanswered, so I thought I'd come here:

I've recently been playing around with monograms since I know it would take me awhile to settle on anything and I'm coming up with a problem.  Our initials are 'M' and 'T', which when written "M&T" is the name of a bank.  I know it may not be the first thing most people think of, but we are both in accounting and so are a substantial amount of the guests, so they would instantly think that.  I've tried using our first names for a monogram, but mine is almost three times longer than his, so I always feel that it comes out looking unbalanced.  I'm not really stuck on using a monogram at this point, but its becoming clear that the only way I like how it looks is with his last initial in the middle of our first initials.

I know it is somehow wrong to include his last initial in the monogram for any pre-wedding stationery, but I'm unclear if this is attributed to bad etiquette or if it is more of a superstition, bad luck kind of thing.  If it is bad etiquette, can anyone tell me why it's considered rude?  Thanks in advance for any information on this topic!

daftmagpie

Emily Post  says first initials are appropriate but doesn't really address the use of the last initial at all. Personally I don't think its appropriate to use a last initial that isn't yours yet.

squirrly

It's an etiquette breech to use an initial that isn't yours.  It's fine to use a monogram based on your new last name for things to be displayed at the reception (like, as your cake topper, on the menus, etc.) but it's not proper to do so on invites, programs, etc. that will be seen prior to the "I now pronounce you husband and wife" line.

The best thing to do is use first initials.  And, although the initials might be the same as a bank, the design won't be the same, nor the colors, most likely.  You can also include the date and location of your wedding to make it less like the bank, if you want. 

Check out etsy for designers.

Beachy730

Yeah, I instantly though of the bank too.  But I honestly don't think I would if it was on something about the wedding.  You could use it and just put a heart in the middle instead of the &.  

The last initial isn't supposed to be used as a monogram until you're married.  If you are using it for pre-wedding things, you could always put "M.R. & T. S. or whatever your initials are.

squirrly

You could also use your actual first names, rather than initials.  Again, it's really a matter of having a pretty design, I think.

michellep1

I guess I never thought of it as using a last name that wasn't mine yet, but it makes sense.  I like the idea of using a heart in place of the '&', thanks for the input and ideas!!

ekelly83

Switch them around, our monogram before the wedding was M&E (or ME). So, our cake baker put my initial first (E&M). Just an idea! (T&M)

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-last-initial-monogram?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7e2608c-e594-473d-9fcc-cea56a5e326aPost:02451a94-2923-4d0d-b29a-d2237ea7f73b">Re: FI's Last Initial in Monogram?</a>:
[QUOTE]Switch them around, our monogram before the wedding was M&E (or ME). So, our cake baker put my initial first (E&M). Just an idea! (T&M)
Posted by ekelly83[/QUOTE]

Your initial should be first. The woman's name/inital is supposed to go first because it's considered improper to separate a man's first and last names. You may prefer M&E or like the way your names sound with his first, but it's not proper in terms of etiquette. Just FYI.

leia1979

If you're not using the last name, you're not separating it from anything.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-last-initial-monogram?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7e2608c-e594-473d-9fcc-cea56a5e326aPost:fe0dd53f-7e2f-42ec-b94c-cc8fbfe67415">Re: FI's Last Initial in Monogram?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're not using the last name, you're not separating it from anything.
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

But the woman's name still traditionally comes first, to my understanding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

We used our first names on our invitation belly bands - and also on a few things at our reception, actually. They were separated with an ampersand.

I'm also from upstate NY, so I get the M&T reference, but really, they're common letters. I don't think it's a huge issue. It's not like your initials are S&M or XXX.