How old were u...

Knottie_22383772

...When u got engaged? I'm 17 almost 18 and I've been with my bf for a long time now and I wanna get married, he does too and we think we might want to do it 7/5/14. Here's the problem is that he thinks ppl will start all kinds of drama because of our ages and he says he can't afford a ring. I said I don't care about the ring, it could be a $15 ring from a mall booth and I'd be happy, I'll even lend him that money if that's what he needs. A lot of people in my area are married and have kids by 20 so I really don't see why anyone would have a problem. So basically what I'm asking is how old were u when u got engaged or if you were older do u think it would be ok if we got engaged?

OwningAHome1981

I think you're way too young. Just my opinion. 20's changes a person. Grow up. Experience life. Travel. Drink too much. Sleep on couches. Graduate college. Get a "real world" job. THEN get married.

AddieCake

I was 37.

nda8414

30...and so happy it wasn't to my high school boyfriend

J+A 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-old-were-u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e82b81c0-f161-4df2-97f7-4afbd29198acPost:107a241e-3b20-414b-87be-6afc7b8d23ef">Re: How old were u...</a>:
[QUOTE]30..<strong>.and so happy it wasn't to my high school boyfriend :)</strong>
Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

<div>25 and ditto that.  </div><div>
</div><div>I'm glad I was able to experience & finish college and start establishing myself as an adult before FI and I decided to get married.</div>

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-old-were-u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e82b81c0-f161-4df2-97f7-4afbd29198acPost:e6ec6a69-c275-4010-93c7-1f50500c2641">How old were u...</a>:
[QUOTE]...When u got engaged? I'm 17 almost 18 and I've been with my bf for a long time now and I wanna get married, he does too and we think we might want to do it 7/5/14. Here's the problem is that he thinks ppl will start all kinds of drama because of our ages and he says he can't afford a ring. I said I don't care about the ring, it could be a $15 ring from a mall booth and I'd be happy, I'll even lend him that money if that's what he needs.<strong> A lot of people in my area are married and have kids by 20</strong> so I really don't see why anyone would have a problem. So basically what I'm asking is how old were u when u got engaged or if you were older do u think it would be ok if we got engaged?
Posted by MrsWalters2Be2014[/QUOTE]

I was 41.  I think you are way to young.    I don't really think the "ring" is the sign of whether or not a marriage will be successful, but financial stability is.  If he can't afford a $15.00 ring, how do you plan to really be able start your lives together?

To the bolded part, just because other people in your region do it, doesn't mean it's a good idea.  My suggestion would be to do some growing up, go to school, find a career path.  If you and your boyfriend are still together after you have that settled, then talk about marriage and kids.

misshart00

I was 22. I don't have a problem with people getting married young, but at 17, give it a few more years. He will still be around in 5 years. Remember that marriage only magnifies problems, it doesn't make them better. Give it some time. If you have worked it out in 5 years, great! Get married. But don't rush into it now. Eta: yeah, they guy I was dating at 19, I just knew he was the one. In retrospect, he always said we wouldn't have time to have sex and he always saw a dollar as something to spend. In retrospect, we would've been divorced in a year. Get to know each other more.

lauraandjosh040613

29 (almost 30).

reisnersr

24. In complete sincerity, if you have to ask strangers then you probably aren't ready. However, I think it's great that you don't care about the ring and want a long engagement. I am marrying my high school sweetheart, but we took over 7 years of dating to get the logistics right and figure out the commitment aspect of it. All great things are worth waiting for. Best wishes though.

Knottie_22383303

at 17, what is "a long time?"  I think you are too young, and if you rush in to marriage so soon, you will most likely regret it later on.  you have SO much life and so many experiences ahead of you at your age!   I know its hard to believe it now, but you are going to change so much as you get older - as a person, in your preferences, in love...   what's the rush?   enjoy the ride, don't tie yourself down yet.  

as for your first question, I got engaged last year - at 38, getting married at 39.  (gasp!)   ;-)

bunni727

Short, over-generalized answer: If you have to ask, you are probably too young.

I got engaged when I was 19. Almost 5 years later, I am very happily married...to someone else.

I'm working on a more involved post, but having trouble articulating my thoughts.

OjitosVerdes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-old-were-u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e82b81c0-f161-4df2-97f7-4afbd29198acPost:c48bfa09-66ca-4d33-8489-ac108066122a">Re: How old were u...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How old were u... : 25 and ditto that.   I'm glad I was able to experience & finish college and start establishing myself as an adult before FI and I decided to get married.
Posted by J+A 2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I was 25 the first time I was engaged. That particular relationship was not right for me, and was limiting my life plans to live overseas for a while, which I subsequently did after calling off the wedding. It was the best decision of my life. </div><div>
</div><div>Engaged again at 34 and the time is finally and personally right for me. </div><div>
</div><div>I agree with the PPs that you are very young, and you will change in ways over the next decade that you can't even begin to imagine.  </div><div>
</div><div>I also know that I felt all my relationships when I was young were "special" and the stats didn't apply to me, but according to the National Center for Health Statistics most people (60%) that marry young (20-25) don't make it. </div><div>
</div><div>Please wait.  </div><div>
</div>

Miss Esa

At 17 I was engaged to who I thought was the perfect guy He was 20 and the time and we had dated for a long while. We were highschool sweethearts, and everyone expected us to get married. A few months into planning at the age of 18 and fell apart. He still wanted to be a bachelor, and had yet to 'grow up'

Now I'm 23 (Got engaged again at 22) and engaged to me best friend from highschool. We are both completely different people they we were right out of highschool. 

GoodLuckBear14

I was 35.  DH was 39.  We had met eight years earlier and been through a breakup during which time we both did a lot of growing up and evaluating what we wanted in life.

My brother and SIL were SH sweethearts.  They were 24 and 25 when they got engaged and 26 and 27 when they got married.  They had also both finished college and had started their careers. 

If it is meant to be, you won't get hurt waiting.  If you rush into this before either of you are ready for marriage, you will get hurt.  Divorce is painful emotionally and financially.

lilphillips14

Ok. I'm 21. I'll be 22 when FI and I are married, he'll be 30. Just 3 or 4 years ago I was your age and I'm telling you....things change so much. Slow your roll, think things through, and remind yourself that if you and your BF are really really meant to be together, you can wait and live through life together for a while, but not married. In the 3 or 4 years since I was your age, my life has changed so much...I've been to two colleges, been in a sorority, traveled all over the country by myself, dropped out, lived with BF/FI, now have 2 dogs, big girl jobs, etc. And that's just in a couple of years. Your biggest plans can and will change, and so will you. I know I'll change by the time I'm FI's age, and I look forward to sharing that with him, though I know I would not have been ready at 17/18, as much as I thought I was hot stuff.

My point is, put it off for a while...still so young. Give yourself a goal. Wait until 21...see where you are. If you're still with your BF at that point, awesome. If you're fully supporting yourself at or before that point and are happy with who you are, then I'd say you'd be ready, or at least ready as you can be.

Give yourself and your BF some time to grow. Remember, he'll always be there if it's meant to be. That's the point of marriage in the first place. 

harper0813

I was 25 when we got engaged and will be 26 when we get married. He was 28 and will be 29.

Give yourselves some time. You will change so much in the next 5-6 years. SO MUCH. Getting married changes your life and your young adulthood will be completely different because of it. I would recommend seeing how you feel once you (OP) hit 21.

J+A 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-old-were-u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e82b81c0-f161-4df2-97f7-4afbd29198acPost:08cbec12-0b69-4abb-affd-b398897e63f0">Re: How old were u...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How old were u... : I was 32 when I got engaged.   There are couples who marry at a young age who have a long and happy marriage.  So, I won't be so bold to say that it's not possible.  But, marriage is a BIG decision and has a lot of implications.<strong>  If your boyfriend is not able to afford a simple ring, the answer is not to loan him money.  Being married should equate financial independence and stability, so I would be concerned about that.</strong> Also, please don't think I am challenging you .... but, why do you think you're ready to get married?  What about your relationship says that you are ready to enter into a lifelong commitment with the man you love?  Take a step back and look carefully at this.  You have plenty of time.... I say wait and get to know him better.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is a great point.  My high school BF bought me a promise ring when we were 17... and then I had to loan him money to pay for his car insurance that month.  I have no doubts that our financial future would have been similar to that if we ended up staying together past our first semester at college.

</div>

beardownbchs

I agree with PPs. I was 25 when we got engaged. Wait, 24. We have been together since I was 19. A LOT changes in the years between 17-23. 

There is nothing wrong with a super long engagement or even a super long relationship with no engagement, especially at your age. I really, really think that you should wait and at the very least save some money so you can start your life together comfortably. 

When I was 17, I broke up with my first boyfriend and we'd been together 2 years. Even though I broke up with him, I thought my entire life was over and I'd never be in love ever again. a few years and 3 relationships later, I learned that I wasn't ever even in love with him - I was dependant on him and never knew how to be my own person without him. 

OP, there is nothing wrong with marrying your first boyfriend or high school sweetheart, but I want to suggest taking a break if/when the two of you go off to college or move out of your parents' houses. This won't mean you don't love him or that you can't get back together, but you need to see yourself as an adult and alone. You don't know who you are without him. And you need to know who you are before you can commit to another person. 

AJuliaNJ

Thirty-two. I don't see any problem with getting engaged at 17, but I recommend a long engagement, at least until you graduate college if you're going, or 21 if not. You do a lot of growing during those years.

happyfor25

I married at 20 and I think you should wait a few years.  Waiting until you are in a better place financially will just make life easier for you both.

JennaMichelle88

I'm 24 and have been dating my fiance since we were 17, so I'm not going to tell you you definitely won't end up with him. But what's the rush to get engaged? We will have been together just over 7 years by our wedding day. We were long distance for a year, lived together for almost 3 years, we both graduated college and got stable jobs before getting engaged.

It was hard. We were both growing up and changing in ways you won't understand until you go through it. Luckily, we were able to do that together and it strengthened our relationship, but it could just as easily have weakened it.

lilphillips14

And while I was posting, people much wiser than I were posting too! Listen to them, OP. Trust me.

[Deleted User]

26. I don't think age is necessarily a problem, however, I do think finances are. If he is the one, there is no rush to get married. Please consider waiting until you are financially able to support yourselves. There's a lot more to marriage than love.

Knottie_22383772

Well my older sister got engaged Saturday, she's 22 and she just met him in December. Everyone is really happy for them. My bf and I will have been together for 2 years on July 5 which is kind of why we want to get married next year because it will be our anniversary on a Saturday which we think is cute. We know we will eventfully get married so why wait? I don't want for something to happen to one of us and for the other one to be sad that we weren't married for as long as we could be.

bunni727

Being young isn't the problem exactly, for me, it's more of the lack of experience, knowledge, and foundations that combine to make you who you are.

Philosophically: Going to college, meeting new people, working with a jerkface, spending your first paycheck on cleaning supplies and lightbulbs, living on your own, managing your own finances,  and having your car breakdown are all experiences that ellicit reactions that shape the person you will become. These things can and will happen with or without a spouse, but the development of who you are may be hindered by concern for how the other responds. Work on becoming the person you will ultimately be, deal with the growing pains, and when you are yourself--then and only then--you should consider permanently adding someone else to the mix.  Then those two whole people, yourself and your SO, can create a life together.

More practically: Are you both going to be financially stable by 2014? If you can't afford a $15 ring, you can't afford a wedding, much less a marraige. Have you lived on your own at all? Have you ever dated anyone else? Do you have a career started? Can you afford to live together and pay for college? Unless you can answer yes to all of those, I would drastically delay the timeline.

Knottie_22383772

Oh and to my above post, we would def wait a few months before getting engaged because I am not trying to steal my sisters spotlight.

Knottie_22382049

I got engaged at 19 ... I turn 25 next week and am soon to be engaged to my High School Sweetheart. (rings picked out he just hasn't popped the question yet) This is not the same guy I thought I woud marry at 19. Things change people change. Go to college first. Enjoy being young. 

KatWAG

26

If you are looking for internet strangers to validate your engagement, you are not ready. And count me as another knottie who as VERY happy to not be married to my high school bf.

BubblyBride75

My brother and his wife were 20 when they got engaged and married. They are still together (coming up on 3 years). It has not been easy for them. When you are that age you still have a lot of growing up to do. My brother and his wife struggled a lot with things like managing finances together, balancing each others families, and being supportive of each other.  They struggled most with putting someone else's needs before their own. Basically they both wanted what they wanted and didn't care how that affected the other person.  Your brain is still maturing until you reach about age 25 which means that you are prone to making rash decisions and not considering consequences. One of the biggest characteristics of adolescents in general is selfishness. This is not a quality that makes getting married that young easy (and especially not having children). It is done, but my brother and sister-in-law would be the first to tell you that it is not easy and if they had met in different circumstances (he's military) they never would've considered marriage at that age.

Think about why you want to get married. Is it because all your friends are doing it? Is it because you want the pretty dress and big party?  These are not good reasons, at all. Is it because you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? Trust that your relationship will last without the ring on your finger and if it doesn't then at least you don't have to file for divorce and if it does then start planning your wedding when you both have good jobs/careers and are ready to be husband and wife. 

MoonlightSilver

I was 14 when I started dating my now husband. We were engaged when I was 19 years old. I got married at 22. I highly, highly, highly recommend you wait to get married. There is so much involved in planning not just a wedding, but a life together. You really need to find yourself, let your partner find him/herself, and then figure out if you're still compatible together. 

If he can't afford a ring, how can you two afford a wedding? Or a household? Go ahead and look at the prices of vendors in your area. See how much you need to save. Create a plan, if you're ready, to start saving part of your money for a wedding. Make sure you and your boyfriend have similar or compatible financial plans and ideas. And at the same time, plan your future. College? Internships? Jobs? What can you do now to make the best possible future for yourself?

wittykitty14

23.  People change SO much between teens and twenties OP-usually in a good way though .  I know some people who married their high school sweethearts soon after graduation, and they're doing great.  On the flip side, I know plenty of those who did that and it has ended HORRIBLY.  It sounds like you and your boyfriend really love each other and are committed to your relationship.  If that's true, then he's not going to leave you just because you'd rather wait a little longer before an engagement.  Having that feeling where you just KNOW you've found the right person is amazing, and honestly, it's very hard not to want to hurry into future plans when you can see yourself with someone.  When I was 17, I thought I knew that my best guy friend was the guy for me.  Turns out, I was wrong.  7 years later, I can see that we just make really good friends.  I needed more personal growth before I could recognize both what I wanted and needed from a relationship.  Take the time to get some more life experiences under your belt.  Chances are, your boyfriend will be there every step of the way!  Just don't feel like you need to rush an engagement.  If it's love, it's not going anywhere