.

mandaryane

Nevermind

KatyRoseM

There really isn't anything you can do.  It sucks that they will have to chose, and I get that you don't like it but she can have her wedding when she wants. 

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-baffled-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e848a8c8-a3bb-408c-877d-c83ddce46aedPost:715ee3e8-5abd-4946-9852-bed06123d69b">Just baffled, need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI comes from a big family, I knew that getting in to the whole thing. But here's the deal. His cousin got engaged in July, we waiting until October - her wedding is New Years, we are waiting until July 2012. His baby (and I mean baby) cousin got engaged on SUNDAY - like 2 days ago, and announced her wedding date is 7 weeks before ours!!!! The problem is all the family is in PA, our wedding is in VA (her wedding would be in VA too!) - and they have to travel down for it. They won't be able to make two, so they have to choose. But I feel like I got engaged first, so I should be able to hold my date and it's not fair the family should choose. What should I do dear brides/wives??? I am panicing here!!!
Posted by mandaryane[/QUOTE]

7 weeks is a long time between weddings, IMHO. I don't see why the family wouldn't be able to make it to both.

Avion22

You don't have a lock on the entire wedding season.  People get engaged and married all the time, and they do it to suit their own schedules, not other people who may also be getting engaged or married the same year as them.

Yeah, it annoying that family may have to choose between whose wedding to attend.  But that's their problem, not yours.   You can't call dibs on an entire season for your wedding.  It just happens. 

Sorry.  I know it's frustrating, but you have to just go with it.

LisaChris2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-baffled-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e848a8c8-a3bb-408c-877d-c83ddce46aedPost:715ee3e8-5abd-4946-9852-bed06123d69b">Just baffled, need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI comes from a big family, I knew that getting in to the whole thing. But here's the deal. His cousin got engaged in July, we waiting until October - her wedding is New Years, we are waiting until July 2012. His baby (and I mean baby) cousin got engaged on SUNDAY - like 2 days ago, and announced her wedding date is 7 weeks before ours!!!! The problem is all the family is in PA, our wedding is in VA (her wedding would be in VA too!) - and they have to travel down for it. They won't be able to make two, so they have to choose. <strong>But I feel like I got engaged first, so I should be able to hold my date and it's not fair the family should choose. What should I do dear brides/wives??? I am panicing here!!!
</strong>Posted by mandaryane[/QUOTE]

I think its unfair to expect your cousin to put her life/plans on hold just because you got engaged first.  Its your choice to have your wedding next July.  There is nothing for you to do, other than move up your wedding to allow all family members to attend as to avoid "choosing" between her or your wedding.  Also, treat her with kindness, don't be bitter or upset with her.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-baffled-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e848a8c8-a3bb-408c-877d-c83ddce46aedPost:715ee3e8-5abd-4946-9852-bed06123d69b">Just baffled, need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI comes from a big family, I knew that getting in to the whole thing. But here's the deal. His cousin got engaged in July, we waiting until October - her wedding is New Years, we are waiting until July 2012. His baby (and I mean baby) cousin got engaged on SUNDAY - like 2 days ago, and announced her wedding date is 7 weeks before ours!!!! The problem is all the family is in PA, our wedding is in VA (her wedding would be in VA too!) - and they have to travel down for it. They won't be able to make two, so they have to choose. But I feel like I got engaged first, so I should be able to hold my date and it's not fair the family should choose. What should I do dear brides/wives??? I am panicing here!!!
Posted by mandaryane[/QUOTE]
That does suck. And no, it's not fair that the family should have to choose. But such is life. There's nothing you can do that will make you not come off like the bad guy in this situation.

aragx6

There's only so many available days to get married, and I don't think 7 weeks is really particularly close to your wedding at all. Many more people than you imagine will probably come.

Plan the wedding when you want it, send invitations and everyone who can make it, will.

Beachy730

I can understand being frustrated, but unless you plan on changing your date there is nothing you can do about it.  7 weeks isn't really that close to eachother, and they probably though they were being nice by spreading it out that far.  

Have guests actually told you that they can't travel to both?  PA to VA isn't that far, and many people could easily drive that for a weekend.  H and I will be moving to VA next year, and already know of several weddings in NY that we will drive home for.  NBD.  

Blue & White

I'd recommend chilling out.  Coming from a family of 13 cousins on my mom's side (we all range from 15 - 26, so we'll all be getting married pretty close to each other), you just have to deal.  Family is family, and they will come if you a) give them enough time to plan and b) don't pester them to ensure they choose your wedding over someone else's.

FutureMrsTR

Aer you usually this easily baffled and "paniced"?  Because that shiit will age you.

Habs2Hart

Has she booked anything yet?  Have you booked stuff yet?  Maybe she won't find anything available on her date, but she probably will since it's over a year away.

Bottom line, you chose a long engagement.  You chose to be 6 months after the other wedding, but not everyone else has to.  Just because you chose to have a long engagment, does not mean she has to wait until 6 months after your wedding to have hers. 

There isn't really anything you can do that won't have you come across as selfish and wanting it to be "all about you" for 6 months. 

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-baffled-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e848a8c8-a3bb-408c-877d-c83ddce46aedPost:f40ffc64-51a4-4943-88ca-f45e4de43c3c">Re: Just baffled, need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Now, is there a proper way I can have a classy discussion about dates so that we won't have to choose and both brides has a happy wedding day?
Posted by mandaryane[/QUOTE]

Not beyond "I heard you set your date - so exciting! Do you know if that date is 100% for sure? I know Aunt Mabel was worried about the cost of traveling twice in two months and saying she'd have to pick only one of the weddings to go to."

Beyond that, until a venue is booked, no one has a totally firm date, so this might turn out to be a moot point.

aragx6

We offered you the best advice possible: Get over it. She's not going to change her date (and you have no right to ask her to do so) so the sooner you accept this the happier you will be.

If his large family only can handle one wedding every 6 months, then they're going to miss out on a lot, because most people aren't going to sit around waiting for their "turn" to get married.

I think it was considerate and smart of you to plan a wedding away from other known family dates, but that's the best you can do.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-baffled-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e848a8c8-a3bb-408c-877d-c83ddce46aedPost:f40ffc64-51a4-4943-88ca-f45e4de43c3c">Re: Just baffled, need some advice</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I wasn't taking claim on the whole seasonI was merely suggestion as etiquette goes, that she wait some time and remember there are weddings around this.</strong> The back story to this is that it has happened before in the family, and one bride was without any guests from that side because she chose to pick a date before someone else who was engaged. I was merely asking for suggestions on how to approach the situation with her to let her know that people would have to chose and it would be hard for both. I picked July because it was 6 months away from the previous cousin and I didn't want to take away from her day, that is how weddings work in my family and in my FI's family. I was not asking that it all be about me, I was trying to find a solution for how to handle the situation so we both have a wedding day with family. Our family members cannot afford to come down, get a hotel and stay 2 times in 2 months. They have already begun to say that they can only come to one, and it's only been a day since she set the date. I don't appreciate you assuming that I am being selfish when I thought these forums were for constructive help - we are brides helping other brides and I feel as though you are no help at all (not all of you just some) if you want to know the whole story here it is. Now, is there a proper way I can have a classy discussion about dates so that we won't have to choose and both brides has a happy wedding day?
Posted by mandaryane[/QUOTE]

<div>I just re-read every comment, and not one person was rude or implying that you are selfish.  If you are this easily offended by constructive criticism, then perhaps TK is not the right board for you.  </div><div>
</div><div>As for the bolded part, I don't know what etiquette you are referring to, because it is following proper etiquette already.  If your FI's cousin were to come on here and ask if it was appropriate to pick a date 7 weeks before her cousin, I'm pretty sure most posters would have told her that's fine.  In a big family with a lot of people close in age, it can't be expected to wait 6 months between each wedding.  Perhaps they have reasons for picking this date that are unknown to you, like vacation time from work, breaks in school, etc.  Either way, 7 weeks is NOT that close.  Just ask Andy, whose cousin got married the same day as her.  </div><div>
</div><div>Aside from Emily's suggestion, no there is no tactful way of telling her to pick another date without coming off as being selfish.  You can either choose to change your own date, or accept that you might not have all of H's family there.  </div>

waltzingmatilda13

Reall, OP, what did you expect? Everyone to join you in your "woe is me" moment? If you were looking for validation that your cousin was wrong in picking her date you really should have gone to weddingwire first. By deleting your post you just look like a whiny brat.

Wrkn925

UGH.  You were quoted.  DD does nothing.

You know what I hate?  When posters change the title to a period.  It makes it harder to click on it to read.

Avion22

I'm sorry if our comments seem insensitive.  But the PP is right -- you can either accept it, or change your own date.  If you ask her to change it, or imply that she should change it, then you come off as selfish.

What makes you think they will ALL choose to come to one wedding?  Don't you think there's a possibility that, realizing this conundrum, some of them will choose to attend your wedding, and some will attend hers, so that neither of you are left with none of their family there? 

FutureMrsTR

I can hear the foot stomping from here.

[Deleted User]

I thought people went really easy on you, OP. Stomping your feet and deleting is incredibly lame.

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-baffled-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e848a8c8-a3bb-408c-877d-c83ddce46aedPost:48fd59ad-cf61-41ae-909a-364176c1f450">Re:.</a>:
[QUOTE]UGH.  You were quoted.  DD does nothing. You know what I hate?  When posters change the title to a period.  It makes it harder to click on it to read.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

Meeee tooooo Wrkn! 

Nice job on the quotes, Waltz and Beach!

NOLAbridealmost

Don't you guys know that from the day you get engaged until the day you get back from the HM it's ALL ABOUT YOU?!

NOLAbridealmost

But to OP's credit, if the cousin getting married is ACTUALLY a baby, I'd be pretty pissed too...especially if the whole family has to travel to Yemen or somewhere that the marriage would be legal.   

Avion22

As someone's younger cousin, I would really be offended be being called a "baby cousin."

jemmini6

Dirty Deleting isn't doing you any favors, especially since you were quoted.

Please leave up your posts, there may be other people who can benefit from this.

emilyinchile

Dude, I was actually helpful and nice and refrained from any kind of "stop being ridiculous" comments for a change, and I get DD-ed on? Dislike.

mixtapehearts

What's up with the "Baby cousin" thing? Lame.

bczican77

It is irritating when someone picks a date close to yours. Totally understandable.  We kind of had a similiar situation. I had been with FI for 3 years when he finally proposed. Then, friends of his (who are now both our friends), who had been together THREE weeks got engaged a week after us and set their wedding date 12 days before ours.  So I get the frustration, especially when the guests overlap into both weddings.  That being said, it is what it is and you just have to make the best of the situation.  We went to two weddings that took us 8 hours to drive to one way within 2 months of each other (they were brothers).  We felt it was important to be there and we wanted to be there, so we attended both.  The guests will have to do the same thing.  If they want to be there, they will be. If they don't there's nothing you can really do about it.  Just enjoy your day! :-)  Don't sweat the small stuff.  It will all work out! :-)

thesequel

Wow....no one was mean at all.  

OP - you received some great advice!   I have 3 weddings to attend in the same group of friends.  They all fall within a month of each other.  Each couple gets their special day...not a special season!