Who should light my unity taper candle??

a_spinhirne

I am looking for some suggestions on who might be a good idea to light my unity taper.  As with tradition, my fiance's mom will be lighting his, however, my mom passed away when I was 9.  My grandmother who helped my father to raise me after my mom died has passed too, so that is not an option either.   I was thinking of my mom's two sisters, however, i'd hate to ask one over the other.   A close cousin of mine is one of my bridesmaids and I would love to have her do it, or maybe even my dad, however, I didn't think this would really be logistically possible since they'll be walking down the aisle at a later time than when the unity tapers are lit at the beginning.  Or maybe it would still be possible.  Any ideas?  Anyone with a similar situation?

mrsamyjones

I'm in a similar situation since my mom will be walking me down the aisle. I don't know who should light them.

ExpatPumpkin

What about your dad?

mrsamyjones

I dont know about OP but my dad will not be attending my wedding

ETA: I see that OP's dad could do it (as she mentioned above)

a_spinhirne

Well, my dad is walking me down the aisle...so I'm not sure how that could work....

Koopa17

I think any of those options would be fine, any of your family members that you feel comfortable with having them light it would be fine.  I think you could make it work with your dad lighting it.  Once he hands you off to your fi (for lack of better words) he could walk over and light the candle.  I think it's ok if he doesn't light it at the same time as your fi's mom...it's a silent kind of thing anyway.

Have you considered a sand ceremony, where the sand would already be sitting there, no need to pick one family member to "represent" it?

ExpatPumpkin

I think that the person you choose should be meaningful and not just filling a role...  So why not your dad?  He's the closest to being your mom since he's your other parent.

I'm sure that if you talk to your priest/preacher, you could rearrange the ceremony somewhat to accommodate the logistics of your dad walking you down the aisle and lighting the candle.

We had to do the candle a bit differently as well.  In my husband's culture, both parents light the candle.  Since my dad wasn't there, I couldn't ask his dad to miss out just so it would be our two moms.  So his mom and dad lit his and my mom lit mine.  It wasn't symmetrical, but it was right... 

ExpatPumpkin

Or you could have BOTH of your aunts do it together.  They would be representing your mom as her sisters.

Kristin789

I like Expat's idea of having both aunts go up there together:

Aunt One:  gets the lighter, lights it, hands it to Aunt Two

Aunt Two:  lights the taper, hands the lighter back to Aunt One

Aunt One:  extinguishes the flame, puts lighter down

Mike&Gina

Wow, I literally have the same situation.  My mom passed away when I was 8 and then my grandma who raised me after that has passed as well.  I have an aunt that I am really close to and I am having her do it.

It all depends on your relationship with your aunts,etc.  If you are close with both of your aunts, then have them both do it!  Like other girls have said in previous posts, it doesn't have to be 1 person, it doesn't have to be a female, it just has to be what makes you happy and makes most sense to you and your situation!