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HELP! Am I overreacting

So, I want to know if I'm blowing this all out of proportion. My friend just asked me to be a BM at her wedding (2 weeks before mine; no overlap at all). Naturally I was really happy to be asked until I found out that she had already chosen a bunch of girls over a month before. The only reason I was asked is because her FI wanted one more guy on his side and she needed to rustle up another girl. I'm still happy to be a BM, but I have to admit that I'm a little miffed because I feel like I'm "second string" or something. This, added to the fact that she never talked to me about her wedding (to the point of excluding me physically (!!) if we were out in a group) until I was engaged myself, makes me feel pretty crappy. I'll still be happy for her and help her out with whatever she needs from me, but I can't help but be a little hurt. I had thought that we were close friends until she got engaged and would never include me in conversations about her wedding (wrong!), or at least pretty good friends until this whole thing....maybe it's just me?

Re: HELP! Am I overreacting

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    *scratch head*  Eh?

    All I really got from this was "wah wah wah wah friend being mean but I love her anyway, wah wah wah"

    Point being, she treats you like crap, you let her, and you know it's wrong but are being your feel good self and letting it happen.  So, if you're hurt and aren't feeling the best about being in her wedding-- tell her no. Simple as that.
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    That would hurt my feelings, too.  I wouldn't be her BM if I were you.  Her desire for symmetry isn't a testament to your friendship.
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    I'd decline.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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    You should tell your friend to come and discuss her wedding on the knot boards. She sounds like the type to amuse us for hours with her opinions.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-overreacting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8f65802-91d4-4dca-864f-213681b66c59Post:0f3c6918-cc92-40f1-8b75-ed5528f5768d">Re: HELP! Am I overreacting</a>:
    [QUOTE]That would hurt my feelings, too.  I wouldn't be her BM if I were you.  Her desire for symmetry isn't a testament to your friendship.
    Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]


    Exactly this
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    Honestly I'd like to say I'd decline the offer, but if you still want to be friends with her after everyone goes back to normal post-weddings, I'd probably still be in the wedding. I might say something about how it hurt your feelings, but I guess what you say to her completely depends on whether you still value her as a friend or not. I'm not sure if I would, but I'm not you.
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    Thanks everyone! I know that it was a totally whiney rant, but I appreciate all the feedback. I'll probably have to back out of being her BM. It shouldn't be too hard, and I'm sure that she'll have a replacement soon enough Wink
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    That's why this board is ALWAYS ringing with the comment that people should not be added to wedding parties just for symmetry.  Exactly this.  I'd decline.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-overreacting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e8f65802-91d4-4dca-864f-213681b66c59Post:eb1c19e9-2cfc-473c-8a6a-3c5f38b124c4">Re: HELP! Am I overreacting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone! I know that it was a totally whiney rant, but I appreciate all the feedback. I'll probably have to back out of being her BM. It shouldn't be too hard, and I'm sure that she'll have a replacement soon enough
    Posted by oyomesama[/QUOTE]

    Not only that, but you are worth more than how you are letting this woman treat you.

    Being a nice person does not mean that you have to be a pushover--don't care about people who do not return the favor!!
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    If things between you both have been sour and the invite is to just even sides out, I would say no.

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    I think based on what I see on your profile that you are in the process of planning a wedding?  Did you ask her to be a BM?  If no, then you should just politely decline and say that you are busy with your own wedding.

    As for her asking you under shady circumstances...doesn't it suck that people are so superficial?  It's sooo aggravating...
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    Yes, I am in the process of planning my wedding. Actually, mine is exactly 2 weeks before hers. Usually I'm a really straightforward person so situations like this don't happen to me, but I totally fell into this one.
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