Wedding Etiquette Forum

Does this seem...odd?

Found out today that my cousin is getting remarried in about 2 months.  There's been a bit of a saga with this couple, as they announced back in May that they were going to get married in 2013.  That was fine, except they linked to a wedding website where they essentially solicited donations to pay for the wedding, but noted that not everyone who viewed the page (or donated) would necessarily be invited.  Needless to say, that went over like a lead balloon in the family.


Out of curiosity today, I looked up their registry, and while the first few items were typical household stuff, the last several were toys (like Barbies and stuff), presumably for my cousin's 6-year-old daugther.  I've seen couples register for board games and the like before, which I thought was fine, but this was a new one to me.

Re: Does this seem...odd?

  • Ew... registering for toys for your daughter for your wedding reception?? that is so tacky. Idk that asking for wedding donations is tacky though. If people want to donate so be it, I think its nice :) Not everyone can afford $30k weddings :(
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e7d880c6-31be-48bd-8d7c-f7dea81dd21a">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ew... registering for toys for your daughter for your wedding reception?? that is so tacky. <strong>Idk that asking for wedding donations is tacky though. If people want to donate so be it, I think its nice :)</strong> Not everyone can afford $30k weddings :(
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]

    You should lurk more.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e7d880c6-31be-48bd-8d7c-f7dea81dd21a">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ew... registering for toys for your daughter for your wedding reception?? that is so tacky. Idk that asking for wedding donations is tacky though. If people want to donate so be it, I think its nice :) Not everyone can afford $30k weddings :(
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]

    You don't need $30k to throw a nice wedding and follow etiquette.  Asking others to pay for your party is never okay.
  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e7d880c6-31be-48bd-8d7c-f7dea81dd21a">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ew... registering for toys for your daughter for your wedding reception?? that is so tacky. Idk that asking for wedding donations is tacky though. If people want to donate so be it, I think its nice :)<strong> Not everyone can afford $30k weddings :(</strong>
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]
    Then they don't have them. They have what they can afford.

    Asking for random people to donate to your wedding is tacky.<div>
    </div><div>ETA: I wouldn't buy a couple toys if they had it on their registry...even if it were for one of their kids.</div>
    image
  • Oook. Well I never said I would do it but i just dont see how its tacky. I guess soemtimes you just have to know your crowd...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e55d572a-633c-4ea5-91b2-69f01f3bd6cd">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oook. Well I never said I would do it but i just dont see how its tacky. I guess soemtimes you just have to know your crowd...
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]

    Do you walk down the street asking people to help pay your rent?
  • Yeah I think it's weird. I'm a registry traditionalist. I think if you're doing a wedding registry, it should be for your typical wedding registry type stuff. That said though, I think it can be effectively argued that if you're registering for wedding gifts, does it even really matter what the gifts are? I mean, at the end of the day, you're telling people what they should get you if they choose to get you a gift, and if you want Barbie dolls for you six year old, well ok then. I'm not saying I think it's the right thing to do (I most certainly don't), but I can see the logic in it. 
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:89a3c327-c6b4-46b4-812f-c18d71ba12ad">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Asking people to fund a party in honor of yourself is tacky. Yes, I think it is weird to register for stuff for your kids. A barbie for your daughter is not a wedding gift, it is a birthday gift for a six year old.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Glad it's not just me.  I suppose at this point I really shouldn't be surprised by anything they do, but this just had me going "what the what?"

    The rationale for asking for donations was basically, "I didn't get to have a big wedding the first time I got married, so now I want y'all to pay for me to have one."  Er, that's not how life works.
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I don't understand how you can think registering for toys for your children is super tacky but asking people to give you money so you have have your special day is A-OK. I don't need to know your crowd; I know humans and the concept of common decency.
    Lizzie
  • edited June 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:7dab64f7-a1a8-4a18-b031-d44fbcbe446b">Re:
    Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this seem...odd? : 
    I'd actually be more inclined to buy them if they were for the couple than for
    their kids.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Adult toys?   :)</div>
    Anniversary
  • edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:7dab64f7-a1a8-4a18-b031-d44fbcbe446b">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this seem...odd? : I'd actually be more inclined to buy them if they were for the couple than for their kids.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    We actually received a giant Star Wars LEGO set from some of our friends as a wedding gift.  We hadn't registered for it, but they knew that we would love it.  I don't have a problem if the couple want to register for unconventional items that they both love...but the kid isn't the one getting married.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e55d572a-633c-4ea5-91b2-69f01f3bd6cd">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oook. Well I never said I would do it but i just dont see how its tacky. I guess soemtimes you just have to know your crowd...
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>OP said it went over like a lead balloon.  Obviously her cousin didn't know her own crowd.  And it is never okay to ask people to pay for your wedding, and it is also not okay to send the link out to your wedding website and tell people who view it "You know, you might not be invited."

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e55d572a-633c-4ea5-91b2-69f01f3bd6cd">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oook. Well I never said I would do it but i just dont see how its tacky. I guess soemtimes you just have to know your crowd...
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]

    No, you don't have to "know your crowd". You don't solicit donations to fund your wedding. I couldn't afford a $30k wedding, so guess what? We didn't plan a $30k wedding. Imgaine how that works.
    image
  • I saw a website on the Awwww Awards for wedding websites where the couple was selling their artwork ON THEIR SITE to fund their wedding. Like "Hey, help us pay for our wedding by buying this stuff!" I thought that was... awkward turtle.

    But there was also a site where the couple had posted a timeline of the weekend and included their morning-after brunch and noted "Family and Select Guests Only!!!"

    Apparently the Awwww Awards doesn't care about rudeness. Only design.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:bc8a97d4-b6ba-4082-a26e-c06999786f69">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    <div align="left">[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this seem...odd? :  <strong>OP said it went over like a
    lead balloon.</strong>  Obviously her cousin didn't know her own crowd.  And it
    is never okay to ask people to pay for your wedding, and it is also not okay to
    send the link out to your wedding website and tell people who view it "You know,
    you might not be invited."
    Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

    There were multiple mentions of grandparents rolling over in graves.  Then, after someone in the family apparently told my cousin and his fiance that this was not okay, said fiance changed the website to be all "poor us" and that "maybe when [my cousin] has a job and [fiance's] job is more stable, they'll be able to afford to get married."  Eesh.
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:e7d880c6-31be-48bd-8d7c-f7dea81dd21a">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ew... registering for toys for your daughter for your wedding reception?? that is so tacky. Idk that asking for wedding donations is tacky though. If people want to donate so be it, I think its nice :) <strong>Not everyone can afford $30k weddings</strong> :(
    Posted by Pinkbubbles21[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, and most people don't have $30k wedding as a result.  There is a difference between parents or close family members offering to contribute and soliciting donations (<strong>especially</strong> from people who won't even be invited to the wedding).  Have a wedding you can afford like the rest of us do.
    image
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  • chrmunchrmun member
    500 Comments
    Last time I checked, a marriage license was like $50.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:5d24dff1-f120-48b7-8972-1dd1f6b199f7">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Last time I checked, a marriage license was like $50.
    Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]
    $27 in Louisiana. It's got to be galling for you to listen to women biiitch about not being able to afford $30k weddings. I'm irked FOR you. 
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • That's a GREAT wedding gift!! I'd be super impressed if we got that.

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:1e42fd45-a4fc-4b72-8a32-2833ee46e886">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this seem...odd? : We actually received a giant Star Wars LEGO set from some of our friends as a wedding gift.  We hadn't registered for it, but they knew that we would love it.  I don't have a problem if the couple want to register for unconventional items that they both love...but the kid isn't the one getting married.
    Posted by Carrie81677[/QUOTE]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seemodd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9099f18-0029-4a4a-9e0b-be6e29c04470Post:5d24dff1-f120-48b7-8972-1dd1f6b199f7">Re: Does this seem...odd?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Last time I checked, a marriage license was like $50.
    Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Bah, I wish. Kansas is $85.50 for a marriage license. Reason number 451832 that I'm moving out of this crappy state ASAP</div>
  • Im speechless. While I'm out int he odd being for the couple to go out of tradition and do what they feel them (within consideration for their guests) can do what they feel, such as honeymoon registeries, nest registries (like buy a home and home repair type registries)...but a barbie doll?!?! Thats even beyond MY scope lol I can't fathom getting the couples child a toy. It's the couple getting married.

    I don't even want to SPEAK on asking for money on a wedding website....just appalling. I can't believe the gall of some people. It's called married on a budget. She needs to hit up TK's budget section lol
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