RSVPs

temerityjane

I don't know, I feel like discussing wedding related shiz.

Anyway, for those of you who are done with RSVPs or are already married-

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.)

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway?

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle?

Don't worry, I'm not trying to calculate a percentage rate of declines so I can over invite. I'm just curious about RSVPs in general, since I am personally waiting for RSVPs right now and my own little world pretty much revolves around me.

wadingmoose

I probably would've been disappointed if someone had declined ours, only because it was so small and we really only invited the people closest to us - families and like 3 close friends. 

Wtf do you do if you schedule your wedding so your brother can get time off of work and he says "no?" 

angie74

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[QUOTE]I don't know, I feel like discussing wedding related shiz. Anyway, for those of you who are done with RSVPs or are already married

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises?<strong>for the most part, yes. there were surprises in the yes and no pile

</strong> Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?<strong> smaller, thank the lord</strong>

 Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.)<strong>there were a few no's that bummed me out, but I didn't take it personally</strong>

 Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway? <strong>we had a handful of yes's that ended up not showing. </strong>

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle? <strong>big batches at first, then trickles. we had to call a crap ton of people at the end</strong>

 Don't worry, I'm not trying to calculate a percentage rate of declines so I can over invite. I'm just curious about RSVPs in general, since I am personally waiting for RSVPs right now and my own little world pretty much revolves around me.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

katiewhompus

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be? The invites going out was significantly larger (150 to the plan of 75) but when all was said and done we had 75 people coming so it ended up about right.

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.) I didn't take it personally but I did get sad by a couple, like a few cousins that I grew up with and every single member of my mother's family. I didn't dwell on it but there was the moment of "Aw...that sucks"

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway? I had 10-15 people not show up who told me, 3 days prior to the wedding, that they were going to see me there. I didn't bring it up after the fact because they were all work people and it exploded while I was on the HM, so I never found out what happened. I didn't mind so much the day of, but afterwards was a little pissy about it.
 
Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle? Definitely slow trickle. Then I got 5 the day of the rsvp date, and 10 the week after the date. I had about 30 which were never returned and never contacted (we tried)

number55

I can't speak about the end result yet but I honestly think we will be fairly close to what we invited. The 6 declines we currently had were all OOT people (like overseas) and they were invited in May so I have known about those for a while. That leaves 110 and I think we will be close to that, I have only heard of one situation where a single mom is having a trouble finding child care (since her parents are coming to the wedding). Other than that, I really do think most will be there but its fine since we budgeted both $ and space for all.

jayjoe

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? There were a few surpsises. My husbands Uncle declined because his tenants were moving that and he wanted to check out the damage they had done in the apt. We were bummed because he's a good guy and wouldve liked him there.  Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be? Smaller. We invited 275 and 175 rsvp'd yes.

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? I was sad that a few could not make it but they were graduating college that same day. Bastards!! Only one of my friends not coming really made me sad. We are really close.
Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway? One cousin who couldnt come showed up but i was really happy about it. We had 5 people not show up, 4 of which had very good reasons. One was just an asshole and it was my husbands cousin. He was fuming! He just "didnt feel like it".

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle? Big at first and then a very.slow.trickle.  We also wound up having to chase about 20 down.

louisvillebride21

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[QUOTE]I don't know, I feel like discussing wedding related shiz. Anyway, for those of you who are done with RSVPs or are already married- Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?
<strong>It was just a tiny bit smaller than I anticipated. But we were only expecting 40-60 people. </strong> 
Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.)
<strong>I was only sad over one person. And only because she made such a big deal about coming and supporting me because 90% of the guest list was H's. Everyone else....eh. </strong> 
Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway?
<strong>Nope, this didn't happen with a single person. However, my mom's son waited until the day AFTER final headcount was due to tell me that he was coming. That was fun to work out. </strong> 
Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle?
<strong>It was a slow trickle with just one or two phone calls. But we anticipated what almost everyone would say. </strong>
Don't worry, I'm not trying to calculate a percentage rate of declines so I can over invite. I'm just curious about RSVPs in general, since I am personally waiting for RSVPs right now and my own little world pretty much revolves around me.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

pirategal03

We're putting ours in the mail today.

I'm hypothetically expecting a pretty large rate of decline.  Just based on our family members "invite them to be nice, but they won't come anyway" statements.

I'm realistically expecting a much smaller rate of decline.  Because I think people think weddings are important, and I think they generally try to go when they can.  And because most of our guests wouldn't have to travel more than 2 hours for our mid-day wedding.


When my friend was married last year, they had many people RSVP "yes", come to the wedding, then leave after the coctail hour.  The bride's mom was PISSED OFF about it.  It's one of the few details I remember about the wedding. 

danieliza1127

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?

We had a few surprises, like my two best girlfriends when we lived in Florida both declined.  Then there were others, like my H's really distant cousin and her family, who declined and we were not surprised at all and never really expected them to come anyway.  We figured on about 150 people and ended up with 120.

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no?

Yes I did.  I was really hurt about my two Florida friends who didn't come.  There were a lot of reasons why I was hurt and even though I understood one's reason, the other one was BS and I was just hurt overall.  They both got married the following year and I declined both, granted they both live out of state.  Also, I thought it was kind of rude when people would decline and not even write a little note or send a card or something.  I mean, I would at least say "sorry we can't make it!" or send a card or something.

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway?

I don't think so, not that I can remember.

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle?

I think they came back in a batch at the beginning and then in a batch at the end towards our due date.  Just a slow trickle in between.

L-Bride

I'm in the middle of getting back my rsvps now and I am getting more declines that I thought we would. My feelings were a little hurt over some people - my childhood best friend who lives out of state said she can't make it. I think it's weird because she told me a few months ago "I wouldn't miss it!". I've also been engaged for almost 2 years so she's known about this for a while.

The weird ones for me are the people who just check off the decline box and dont' write anything else. Shouldn't people write "Sorry I couldn't make it" or something along those lines?

I have to say though...I'm okay with declines due to monetary reasons. We are able to afford our wedding if everyone came but truthfully I'm happy the wedding is going to be less expensive than I thought it would be.

akhensley81

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises?

Basically, yes. We took some "guesses" from the original headcount as far as who would make it, and there weren't many surprises. I did have a few No's that I didn't expect (some friends of ours, a few friends from work)... but all in all, we came out about where we thought we would.

Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?

We were shooting for 150 initially. We ended up inviting a little more than 200, which was still do-able. We have 107 confirmed.

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no?

Not really. There is one couple who was so omgwecan'twaitforyourwedding last year who didn't bother to respond... or respond to several phone calls... so I'm a little butthurt there. And even then, not much. Otherwise no.

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway?

I'll find out in 5 days... However we did catch today someone who reserved a hotel room in our block who we have NEVER heard of. Even after the debacle with my FSMIL, this name isn't on any of those lists. We're chalking it up to a mistake and are letting the hotel know.

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle?

Most people told me to expect a big batch at the beginning after they go out, then a trickle, then a big batch at the deadline. That's pretty much how it went down.

opalsky007

We had a much smaller group than we had planned for--we'd invited 125 and wound up with 45 total. And that's counting the WP, the officiant, his wife, and the photographer.

We had some surprises as to who was able to make it: some folks we hadn't expected to come did, and a lot of people we expected would come didn't. I was really disappointed that none of my friends from Boston could make the trip, but the only one that really got to me was a friend who got invited to a DW the week before. He could only afford one, and he didn't pick ours.

I got the sads big time though in the weeks leading up to the wedding, when I realized how small the group was going to be, and that I couldn't do anything to change our plans at that point. We had a great day in the end, but if I'd known we'd be less than 50, I would have planned a totally different wedding.

Our RSVPs came in at a pretty steady rate. The only big surprise was the number of people sending regrets the week of. We had six people call us the week of the wedding and say they wouldn't be able to come for various reasons.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Have you gotten any yet?

I've gotten about a dozen cards back (out of 68). We've gotten 4 declines, all of which were expected. Two I wasn't upset about. One was my friend (whose wedding I'm going to this weekend) who emailed me because she lives out of the country. One was FI's cousin who can't come because her daughter is in school and she doesn't want her to miss too many days, but she wrote a little note on the RSVP card with best wishes. Two were FI's great aunts, who just checked "decline." They're in their 90s and we don't expect them to travel. Plus I know they don't HAVE to do anything except check the box, but it would have been nice for them to write something like, "congratulations" on the card.

Anyway, I get pretty excited to check the mail and the one day I didn't get any was a terrible, terrible, day. Yes, I turned into that girl.

temerityjane

Basically, being an impatient person, after dropping the invites in the mail last Monday, I wanted RSVPs in my hand on Tuesday. I don't have any really firm grasp on reality when it comes to time and waiting and stuff.

The other questions I am asking are because I've already been surprised by one "just to be nice" invitation family that told me directly they're coming, so I assume I will be equally suprised by some other yesses and no responses, so I'm trying to tell myself that it's no big thing, but I'm worried that I'll be sad over some no RSVPs.

But Buddy's mom already told us through other channels (don't even get me STARTED) that she and Buddy's brother and sister won't be coming, and he just shrugged, so I suppose I can handle some friend or cousin declining just as well.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, also, I sent out STDs in March and was pretty surprised when 2 of my college friends from NY booked plane tickets right away.

I was also a little surprised that my cousin, who lives in Missouri, is coming with her son. I saw her last year for the first time in 10 years. She's my only first cousin, though, so I'm happy about that one.

ootmother2

There was one big gush of RSVPs about a week after the invites went out.  haha, these we almost all from ladies who had married recently or parents who had hosted wedding recently. THEY know the worries about replies!

After that, it was about 10 a day (200 invites).  All but two were accepting.

One older couple, my mother's BFF from childhood & her DH didn't reply and I asked her about it one night while we were chatting.  She assured me that she would let me know at leat 10 days in advance but their health could prevent their attending. It didn't.

The only accept and no show was M's total childhood nanny.  Her husband had become very ill and was rushed to the hospital the afternoon before.  M was very upset about this because she knew something had to be very wrong for them to just not show.  The lady called when I had returned to NYC and explained what had happened.  She was crying but we certainly understood!

mandapanda78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e937b08b-7c87-4155-95b3-12f4a4dfb63cPost:cefb32c2-b2a8-4eac-9e12-3fe3c3c3c1c4">RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know, I feel like discussing wedding related shiz. Anyway, for those of you who are done with RSVPs or are already married- Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? <strong>It was generally as we expected, but there were a couple of surprises. </strong>Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be? <strong>We thought we'd have 45 and we had 36.</strong> Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? <strong>I got sad when two particular people RSVPed no. </strong>(even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.) Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway? <strong>My friend Sara didn't show up for the ceremony, but showed up for the reception.</strong>Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle? <strong>Trickle. </strong>Don't worry, I'm not trying to calculate a percentage rate of declines so I can over invite. I'm just curious about RSVPs in general, since I am personally waiting for RSVPs right now and my own little world pretty much revolves around me. <strong>Who's doesn't?</strong>
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

katiewhompus

Tj, I was blown away by a couple "invite them but they won't come" people who ended up coming. Honestly most of them were my relatives. They live in MN/WI and have never come to see us since we moved to VA 18 years ago so I wasn't expecting them at all. I was really happy but shocked.

skippylouwho

We're running at 92% acceptance right now for DD's wedding. We stll have 2 weeks for RSVPs 2 come in. We're averaging 5-8 RSVPs a day.  So far no one has added a guest.  We have just over 1/3rd of the RSVPs back.

We've been surprised that several people we thought probably wouldn't attend have accepted.   So far those that have declined are all people we thought would decline.  No one we thought would, might or probably would attend has declined to this point.


We used a numbering system that is working very well. Each RSVP card is number, on the back.  The number corresponds with the invitee on a spreadsheet.  Then we have a dash and another number. That 2nd number tells us how many guests were included on the RSVP so 25-3 means that 3 people were included. The number of people that accept is entered in to a spread sheet. On the line for invitation 25 I have the name(s), how many were invited, how many accepted, etc.

temerityjane

skippylouwho, I did numbering, too, just in case someone doesn't write their name in, but I didn't have to add the amount of guests, because I have been working from one spreadsheet for my entire engagement, adding columns as I've gone (name, date, kids, address, whether I sent a STD, whether I had an address for the invite, number on the RSVP card, bridal shower gift, if and when I sent a thank you note) and it's grown into this giant, weirdly color coded monster. I hope I never have to show it to anyone, it's an embarrassment.

iamjoesgurl

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[QUOTE] Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? <strong>I was surprised at some of the declines and definitely surprised and annoyed at the people who did not respond and refused to call us back when we followed up by phone.</strong>

Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be? <strong>Not extreme either way.  Just a little smaller than I thought.</strong>

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? <strong>Yes, I was hurt by a few of the declines (like my uncle and a great aunt).  I was more hurt that some close friends/family declined and then didn't even send a card.  (I wasn't expecting anything, but when I can't attend, I at least send a card letting the couple know that I'll be thinking of them on the big day.)</strong>

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway? <strong>Yes, I had 6 no shows.  I knew about 3 of them the day before.</strong> 

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle? <strong>A lot at first, then a lull and then a lot at the end.
</strong>Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

marisah83

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?
We sent out 80 invites (totaling about 185 people), and only about 55 people are coming.  We only physically got back about half of the RSVPs.  We had initially guessed that we would have 80-90 people coming, but it is going to be a lot smaller. 

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.)
FI was really hurt that his grandmother and uncle both replied "no," especially because they live near the wedding venue.  I was slightly upset about one friend who was "so excited and will definitely be there" until I didn't ask her to be in the wedding party (I'm only having an MOH).  Since then, she has barely spoken to me and didn't send back the RSVP card.  When I left a voicemail asking about it, she just emailed "I'm not able to come."

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway? We'll know in a little less than three weeks!

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle? Mostly a slow trickle.  There were a lot we didn't get back.

ohwhynot

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<p>[QUOTE]I don't know, I feel like discussing wedding related shiz. Anyway, for those of you who are done with RSVPs or are already married- Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises?  <strong>Dang, your dog is cute.  More people more willing to come a long way than we expected - people Mark hadn't seen in 15-20 years were flying cross-country for it.  We were surprised, and very touched, by that.  </strong></p><p><strong>
</strong></p><p>Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?  <strong>Smaller because we invited out of town families and almost no one actually brought their kids.  Many rsvp'd for only the person who knew Mark, not the spouse or kids.  </strong> </p><p> </p><p>Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.)  <strong>I don't think any of my invitees rsvp'd no.  I didn't invite that many people, so I think I would have been a little hurt if any of them had rsvp'd no (unless they were doing something really cool).</strong> </p><p> </p><p>Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway?  <strong>My bil and his wife  decided at the last minute NOT to bring their 2 kids, and one of Mark's friends showed up for the ceremony only and then left.  No one said no and showed up anyway. </strong></p><p><strong>
</strong></p><p>Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle?   <strong>We averaged 1-2 a day until they were all in.  We invited about 140 people (about 60 invitations) and only had to call 3 people.  On one big day we got 5 rsvps in the mail.  Many days we got none and we'd be sad.</strong></p><p>Don't worry, I'm not trying to calculate a percentage rate of declines so I can over invite. I'm just curious about RSVPs in general, since I am personally waiting for RSVPs right now and my own little world pretty much revolves around me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]</p>

tenofcups4me

I'm answering for my first wedding since when DH and I got married, we only invited 12 people (and checked the date with them ahead of time).

Did your RSVPs basically follow what you thought they would be in terms of who came and who declined, or were there surprises? Did your wedding end up being way smaller or way larger than you first assumed it would be?

No big surprises. We invited 160, expected 140, had about 130.

Did you take it personally or get sad if someone RSVP'd no? (even though we're all totally awesome laid back brides who don't actually care about anything because that would be totally uncool. You can answer hypothetically.)

Not really. We were pretty good at estimating not only the overall numbers, but which people we thought would come or not. The only one that surprised me is the woman who had set up the ex- and me -- she declined (with a BS excuse) and I was annoyed.

Did you have any surprises on the day of, in terms of people saying yes and not showing, or people saying no and showing up anyway?

Nope. We had the exact number that responded yes. I admit I would have flipped my sh*t if it had been different -- to me, that's inexcusable (unless someone is in the hospital or something comparable).

Did you get RSVPs returned in big batches, or a slow trickle?
A lot at first, slow trickle, another batch at the end. A handful that we never got and had to follow up on.