unasking.....feel terrible

storybookromance2

My Maid of Honor is my best friend of 10 years so it was just a given i would ask her...which i did.  And now with just a year left before the wedding my best friend (MOH) did something behind my back and has not only been lying to me for the last year or so but also her family.  I cant even talk to her about it because she starts lying that her phone isnt working or her computer, but yet shes always on facebook and cant return my messages. Im frustrated because im hurt and she wont even talk to me. I would not like to have all this drama in mywedding party but how do i ask her to step down without ruining or ending our friendship. im very distrought over this and i'll take any advice i can get. 

aragx6

There is no way to kick her out of your wedding without it inflicting drastic and likely permanent damage to your friendship. Sounds like you two have far bigger issues than the wedding -- I would focus on non-wedding related issues instead.

Stackeye210

Stop worrying about her role in the wedding.  Try to work on only the friendship at this point.  The rest will play out how it should based on how all that goes.

Katelyn89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unaskingfeel-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9651368-5f60-45d6-ba9a-1f9535703cc3Post:dcb46e28-832a-4862-bc53-b4529a2d7c56">unasking.....feel terrible</a>:
[QUOTE]My Maid of Honor is my best friend of 10 years so it was just a given i would ask her...which i did.  And now with just a year left before the wedding my best friend (MOH) did something behind my back and has not only been lying to me for the last year or so but also her family.  I cant even talk to her about it because she starts lying that her phone isnt working or her computer, but yet shes always on facebook and cant return my messages. Im frustrated because im hurt and she wont even talk to me. I would not like to have all this drama in mywedding party but how do i ask her to step down without ruining or ending our friendship. :( im very distrought over this and i'll take any advice i can get. 
Posted by storybookromance2[/QUOTE]

<div>I would give her some space and then trying again to talk to her about whatever she did to hurt you. You need to focus on the friendship, not that she is your MOH. Either way, asking her to step down will hurt the friendship, so if you want to stay friends I would recommend not doing this.</div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unaskingfeel-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9651368-5f60-45d6-ba9a-1f9535703cc3Post:0206358b-2848-4df6-96db-39e68f76e7cb">Re: unasking.....feel terrible</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop worrying about her role in the wedding.  Try to work on only the friendship at this point.  The rest will play out how it should based on how all that goes.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

This.  Honestly, you need to worry about the drama that is occuring in your friendship rather than what will happen in your wedding party.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unaskingfeel-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9651368-5f60-45d6-ba9a-1f9535703cc3Post:0206358b-2848-4df6-96db-39e68f76e7cb">Re: unasking.....feel terrible</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop worrying about her role in the wedding.  Try to work on only the friendship at this point.  The rest will play out how it should based on how all that goes.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]


This. 

Also, I assume that you don't live near each other as you don't communicate face to face?

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unaskingfeel-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9651368-5f60-45d6-ba9a-1f9535703cc3Post:dcb46e28-832a-4862-bc53-b4529a2d7c56">unasking.....feel terrible</a>:
[QUOTE]My Maid of Honor is my best friend of 10 years so it was just a given i would ask her...which i did.  And <strong>now with just a year left before the wedding</strong> my best friend (MOH) did something behind my back and has not only been lying to me for the last year or so but also her family.  I cant even talk to her about it because she starts lying that her phone isnt working or her computer, but yet shes always on facebook and cant return my messages. Im frustrated because im hurt and she wont even talk to me. I would not like to have all this drama in mywedding party but how do i ask her to step down without ruining or ending our friendship. :( im very distrought over this and i'll take any advice i can get. 
Posted by storybookromance2[/QUOTE]

You have a year until your wedding. This is why you should ask friends to be in your bridal party until 6-9 months before your date.

Talk to your friend, in person. Figure out what is going on with her. Dont bring up the wedding.

Avion22

"Only a year left till your wedding"????  A year is a long time.  You probably shouldn't have even asked your bridal party more than a year out.   

Give her some time, don't talk about wedding stuff, and work on your frienship.  If it can't be mended, then you can deal with that issue down the road.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unaskingfeel-terrible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9651368-5f60-45d6-ba9a-1f9535703cc3Post:dcb46e28-832a-4862-bc53-b4529a2d7c56">unasking.....feel terrible</a>:
[QUOTE]My Maid of Honor is my best friend of 10 years so it was just a given i would ask her...which i did.  And now with just a year left before the wedding my best friend (MOH) did something behind my back and has not only been lying to me for the last year or so but also her family.  I cant even talk to her about it because she starts lying that her phone isnt working or her computer, but yet shes always on facebook and cant return my messages. Im frustrated because im hurt and she wont even talk to me. I would not like to have all this drama in mywedding party but<strong> how do i ask her to step down without ruining or ending our friendship.</strong> :( im very distrought over this and i'll take any advice i can get. 
Posted by storybookromance2[/QUOTE]

I'm confused. If what she did and is lying about isn't bad enough to ruin or end your friendship, and you don't want to ruin or end the friendship, why would you want to make sure your friendship is ruined/ended by kicking her out of your wedding? And that's what you'd be doing -- kicking her out. There is no "unasking" or "asking her to step down." It is you making the decision to kick her out of your wedding.

jmayinc

Yea I totally wouldn't be worrying about kicking her out of the BP at the moment. Although I asked ppl to be in my BP more than a year out (I know without a doubt they would be here and in good spirits by the time of the wedding), I would not stress if I got in an arguement with them NOW. I mean, it's said to wait to ask BP since you dont know what could happen in that time, but the same applies for your relationship. 3 months from now everything could be worked out and then you would what....re-ask her? That's absurd. Work on straightening your relationship, you have more than enough time to worry about your BP.

storybookromance2

yea we are definatly not living near eachother. she lives almost 9 hours away from me. We talk on a regular basis ever since she moved (she moved 5 years ago and we talk and or text on a daily basis) but since she started all of this rediculous stuff, she has been distancing herself furter and further from me.  

and we NEVER talk about the wedding, ever.

i dont know if she is mad that im marrying before she is or after 10 years we are finally starting to drift apart. 

and its not one of those mad today ok tomorrow, i've been sititing on this for about 4 months before i even posted on here trying to figure this out. 

and its not just the wedding party i dont want drama in, i dont want it in my life. and my MOH is full of drama. from Boys to Work and back again if there is something she can do to ruffle feathers, she will do it. and its just getting old. Im ready to be an adult and she isnt (even though she is 2 years older than me) and i dont know how much longer i can put up with that.

sorry to vent but i want yu to have a little bit more info on the situation