Wedding Etiquette Forum

Combined bachelor/bachelorette party - anyone do this?

So, our bridal party has started asking us what we want to do for bachelor/bachelorette parties, and between my FI and I, we thought it would be fun to have a combined bachelor/bachelorette - because it would be a great opportunity for us all to unwind with the bridal party, and I have more guy friends then girlfriends so it wouldn't be a "girls only" event anyway.  Also, my bridesmaids are both coming from far out of town and they're related to me, and I think it would be a perfect opportunity for them to get to know FI a little better since they hardly ever see him and we'll be very busy on the wedding day.

Anyone do this?  Think it's wierd?

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Re: Combined bachelor/bachelorette party - anyone do this?

  • My FI and I were personally never do that.  The point of a bachelor party or bachelorette party is one last night with your friends.  I have no problem with the tradition and am actually very excited to spend a weekend with all my girlfriends.

    So I don't think it's a good idea but I wouldn't judge peopel that did it, so that's why I voted other.  I do know a few guys (including my FI) who would and have judged this.  I think maybe guys have more of an issue with the whole combined party.

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  • My FI and I are having ours combined.I am sure it will be fun!
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  • I personally wouldn't want to do it, but that doesn't mean it's not something you should do. If you and FI want to celebrate it together then go for it. I'm looking forward to the night out with just the girl's.
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  • This makes no sense to me.  To each his own, but I just don't get it.  

    I've always thought that the idea was to spend time with your friends, away from your FI.  If you're both there, doesn't it defeat the purpose?  I've never heard that they have to be single sex, though.  I've been to a couple of bachelor parties for guy friends and have been to bachelorettes with guys in attendance.  
  • I have had friends who have done this, and as long as you and your FI are happy, I see no problem wth it. You may want to discuss with the whole bridal party as well and see what they're thinking. Guys do tend to have a bigger problem with this from my experience but some are fine. Just depends on the person.
  • Plans for us are still nebulous at this point, but Charlie and I are advocating for some sort of co-ed activity in the afternoon (we were talking about some his family v. my family game, like laser tag), followed by evening parties split by gender. We're kind of fond of that.
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  • I think it's fine to do whatever you guys want to do.  You're celebrating your marriage how you want to, and there's nothing objectionable about what you want to do.


  • A friend of mine had a bachelor/bachelorette party where 8 of us, 3 couples, and two single friends went on a cottage weekend. It was awesome. 
  • I personally don't understand doing a combined bachelor/bachelorette party.  However, that doesn't mean it isn't ok to do it. I think whatever you guys feel comfortable with and want to do is fine. I just wouldn't name it as a bachelor/ette party because that doesn't seem what it's like to me.
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  • We're doing this. We literally have a group of the same friends, and honestly I get along a little better with most of the guys and he with the girls (I know, its strange). We want to do a lockin at our local lazerquest with the whole group. Our friends know this is more of our scene than drinking and strippers so they support the idea. In the end, do what you guys think is best. To me, it should be a good fun gettogether with friends, and if you guys want to do this together, more power to you!
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  • My girlfriend's then FI was at her bachelorette party and it was AWKWARD!  He was the only guy there and it sucked.  We kept having to try to make conversation with him.  The problem is that if you don't talk about optometry or fly fishing, then he doesn't want to talk to you.  Made for a loooooonnnnggggg night!
  • CellesCelles member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2011
    We had several friends come in from out of town a few days before the wedding, including three WoW guildies we hadn't met before IRL. We were initially planning on having everyone meet at the house and then head out in two groups for our respective bachelor and bachelorette festivities.  But we all had such a good time hanging out and chatting that we decided at the very last minute -- I literally had my car keys in hand -- to scrap the separate parties, order pizza and send the boys on a beer run.

    We had THE best time.  It was really low-key -- talking, drinking, playing Rockband and watching random Youtube videos -- but very "us." And, added bonus? My MOH got to talking with one of the WoW guildies. They hit it off, spent the entire rest of the weekend together and are now in a long-distance but somewhat serious relationship. :D
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  • We did this. It was us and four other couples and we spent a weekend at a bar/pub/lodge on a lake a couple hours away. We had a relatively small wedding, so there were a bunch of people (friends, coworkers, cousins) that in theory we would've invited to our b-parties but didn't since they weren't invited to the wedding. It was a lot of fun!
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  • for my friend's wedding all the guys and girls started off the night together, had a couple of drinks and then said farewell and split off. the original plan was the END the night together, but the BM then planned a bachelor party that would've made that super difficult. it ended up working out really well anyway though =) they got to be super cute and sloppy with each other for an hour and then they were ready to say goodbye and separate into the groups of guys/girls. it was nice since everyone was mutual friends and that way the groom got to see us ladies and the bride got to see her guy friends on that night too.
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  • Thank you for the opinions ladies, I think I'll mention it to my MOH next time she asks - I'm feeling better about it - and I think it will be fun.   I'm glad to hear that some of you had some positive experiences, and that others are planning to have one.  There will definitely be other males besides my FI, including his brother - so he should have someone to talk to.  :)

    Celles!  How's it going?  :)  I love that you somehow incorporated WoW in the festivities.  FIs two groomsmen happen to be WoW guildies, but he met them in RL first.  :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_combined-bachelorbachelorette-party-anyone-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e96d5d8f-876b-46f3-a4db-3cb4efa41cadPost:89964852-c14c-4de8-8dbd-1f38560bbdfa">Re: Combined bachelor/bachelorette party - anyone do this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Plans for us are still nebulous at this point, but Charlie and I are advocating for some sort of co-ed activity in the afternoon (we were talking about some his family v. my family game, like laser tag), followed by evening parties split by gender. We're kind of fond of that.
    Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

    LOVE this idea!
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  • I would love to, since my FI and his friends are going to Chicago to see a Cubs game at Wrigley and I would really like to go!  The guys weren't so thrilled about it, though, so we're going to do separate weekends out of town.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_combined-bachelorbachelorette-party-anyone-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e96d5d8f-876b-46f3-a4db-3cb4efa41cadPost:2c5fa9bf-f758-47ec-8d29-ff6694c92964">Re: Combined bachelor/bachelorette party - anyone do this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]for my friend's wedding all the guys and girls started off the night together, had a couple of drinks and then said farewell and split off. the original plan was the END the night together, but the BM then planned a bachelor party that would've made that super difficult. it ended up working out really well anyway though =) they got to be super cute and sloppy with each other for an hour and then they were ready to say goodbye and separate into the groups of guys/girls. it was nice since everyone was mutual friends and that way the groom got to see us ladies and the bride got to see her guy friends on that night too.
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    This idea I really love!
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  • Heya, X!  I have a cold but other that I'm doing great. I'm happy to see you posting again. :)
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  • Thanks Celles!  Are you still playing WoW?  I ended up cancelling my account for now because I became bored with the non-raiding experience.  (Our guild only raids on weekdays, bleh).
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  • I think we're doing a combined party because we have the same group of friends. We were both part of the group for a long time before we started dating and have hung out with the same 15 or so people every weekend for the last 6 years.  To us, we wouldn't even know where to begin "splitting" people to do separate parties and I am sure that our attendants don't want to each pay to go to two separate parties.  So joint it is! (Assuming that anyone actually throws us one; we've been asked by the BM and MOH and told them we'd like a joint one...who knows what they'll end up doing). 
  • Yep!  My guild just downed Nefarian on normal-mode last week and are set to start heroics. We raid weekdays, too, but I imagine that would be a lot harder for you with a child than it is for me. I can crate my dogs during raids but somehow I don't think that would work for you. :)

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  • I'm fond of the combo deal: doing something separate, then coming together at the end of the night, or starting off together. This may be what we do to avoid an afterparty, since FI wants one and I don't. It would be basically the same crowd, just a different night and circumstances. 

    Btw, Loving the WoW chatter! I used to play...I had a level 80 undead mage!
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  • We had a girls' night out/boys' night out thing a couple nights before the wedding that ended with everyone at the same bar.  It was nice having some alone time with the "girls," but it was also nice being able to say hello to all of guys and kiss my then-FI goodnight.

  • FI & I are hoping for a combined party... and we'll inform the bridal party of such as time gets closer. Most of the BP is family (his 2 brothers, his sister, his SIL, my brother, and my two "sisters"... plus a mutual friend, a friend of mine, and possibly his uncle or another mutual friend), so hanging out together would be very comfortable to begin with.

    Plus, my brother will not be 21, so a bar/boy's night out isn't really feasible... we're planning to suggest renting out WhirlyBall for some all-ages fun where the 21+ crowd can drink if they'd like. Plus, it gives the few people who don't know each other a chance to meet and get to know each other before the big day.

    I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you and FI agree :)
  • Our MOH and one of the groomsmen are planning our bachelor/bachelorette party as kind of a combined affair.  We'll be at the same bowling alley and most likely the guys will be on one side and we'll be on the other. We'll end up mixing some though because we have a really tiny wedding party and not a lot of friends who will be in town.  We don't really hang out with seperate groups of friends now, so we saw no reason to do that just because we're getting married. FBIL has given us some hell about it, but he still acts 15 whenever he gets together with his guy friends, so we expected that. 
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  • My brother and sister-in-law sort of did this.  The guys and the girls separately did something first, and then everyone met up after a few hours at the clubs for drinks and dancing.  So there was still the separate girls-time and guys-time, but at the end it was just one big party with all of their closest friends.

    My FI and I will probably do something similar. 
  • b0710b0710 member
    First Comment
    My FI and I are not doing that but we went as guests to friends' combined parties and it was a lot of fun.  They rented a big party bus and we rode around to dfiferent clubs.  We had a great time and it was nice to get to know the WP before the actual wedding.  I felt like it made their wedding a litle more fun.  I think both combined and separate options work though, just depends on the couple.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_combined-bachelorbachelorette-party-anyone-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e96d5d8f-876b-46f3-a4db-3cb4efa41cadPost:384fd839-3e52-459a-ab44-f4959bcff221">Re: Combined bachelor/bachelorette party - anyone do this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yep!  My guild just downed Nefarian on normal-mode last week and are set to start heroics. We raid weekdays, too, but I imagine that would be a lot harder for you with a child than it is for me.<strong> I can crate my dogs during raids but somehow I don't think that would work for you. :)</strong>
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    LOL!  Thanks for the visual!  ;)

    Grats on Nefarian!  :)  I have no idea what our guild progress is atm, but I know they were doing pretty good but then our main/best healer ended up quitting WoW so I think we've fallen behind.
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  • My friend did this and I thought it was fun. My FI and I won't be doing this for ours though. Like someone else said, I think the guy may have more of a problem with this than the girl. But if your guy doesn't mind then I say go for it! Especially since you said you have a lot of guys friends and won't be a "girl's night" anyways. Have a great time!!
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