At Home Cards?

lauraanne9

We have decided against announcements.  My fiance more wanted to do them, so I showed him the thread and he decided they are not necessary.  He then brought up a good point:  I am hyphenating my name and it is very possible that the family on his side will NOT be ok with this.  WWIII broke out when it was mentioned so it was dropped and they can all find out about it once it is official.

That said, we did put an "at home" comment on the website.  Is this enough or with the name issue should we also do the cards?  We are fairly certain if his side of the family is asked they will be told I am "Mrs. Hislastname"  Also, we are not moving after the wedding as we are already living together so the address change wouldn't actually be one, just a confirmation of no address change.

*sigh*

Time to elope and move to a deserted island, LOL

Kate61487

I'm not sure what you're asking.  Do you WANT to make the name change clear or are you avoiding it?  Is this for wedding guests or extended family who won't be invited?

NOLAbridealmost

What are at home cards? At home comments? I've never, ever heard of that.

ootmother2

My mother and grandmother had "at home" cards when they married but I haven't seen one in years and years!

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_at-home-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e978c722-c75b-4ad5-bccb-7d1c782fe663Post:2849f10e-8334-4a45-a7d7-9c746868201a">Re: At Home Cards?</a>:
[QUOTE]What are at home cards? At home comments? I've never, ever heard of that.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

At home cards used to be in vogue decades ago.  Basically, it was a card with the bride and groom's future address (thus "at home"), inserted in the envelope with the invitation.  According to this link (I always take TK info with a grain of salt), names are now added.

<a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/at-home-wedding-invitation-cards.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/at-home-wedding-invitation-cards.aspx</a>

hoffse

I think at home cards are nice - I like having them for my address book, and they might be a nice way to gracefully present your last name to his side of the family.

Simply Fated

I'd skip the cards. Even if you do the cards, his family will probably give the same answer. It's not the end of the world if they do, just politely correct people.

lauraanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_at-home-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e978c722-c75b-4ad5-bccb-7d1c782fe663Post:cdbf3624-bbcb-4e80-883f-33d5f633c9c5">Re: At Home Cards?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure what you're asking.  Do you WANT to make the name change clear or are you avoiding it?  Is this for wedding guests or extended family who won't be invited?
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>I want to make the name change clear to extended family who will not be invited and also to those in CA where we live who will not be able to make the trip.</div>

lauraanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_at-home-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e978c722-c75b-4ad5-bccb-7d1c782fe663Post:6d71d10c-b466-4dcd-bf5b-f819a40db312">Re: At Home Cards?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think at home cards are nice - I like having them for my address book, and they might be a nice way to gracefully present your last name to his side of the family.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

<div>This is sort of how we are thinking they may be useful.  A way of stopping most of the "how do we address them" conversations that will be intentionally ignored by his side.  And not just dad and step mom, in fact they are the only ones who don't see issue...but both of his sisters and his brother think it is "selfish" to not take his name.</div>

Simply Fated

I think you're worrying about this too much, maybe? I mean you didn't even invite a lot of these people to your wedding, so why do you care what they think your name is? I totally get that it's frustrating, but these cards thing sounds unnecessary if it's not that big of a deal. I mean, if it is a big deal to you, go for it, otherwise skip it.

Kate61487

Like PPs said I've seen a little announcement with the program of the couple's new address, and I suppose you could let them know your name choice there, but since your address isn't changing I might think it's a little weird.  Thank you notes are a prime opportunity to let people know your name choice and new (or old) address via the return address label and your signature.  But neither of those helps with people you didn't invite to the wedding.

What about just sending out Christmas cards in a few months and sign it accordingly?  That way you can send it to all of the extended family but it won't be seen as an awkward "why are they sending me their address" thing.

good2Bqueen13

It seems that you DO NOT want to send announcements, but you DO want to send something that serves the purpose of an announcement.  So, why is it that announments are so bad?  I'm old fashioned with my ettiquette to be sure, but I guess I just don't know when sending announcements became a faux pas.  

If you really don't want to use announcements, I would go with the At Home cards because, like a PP, I would enjoy receiving one myself to update my address book, even if just to verify that there is not a new address.  

Besides, you are sending these to extended family who may not even know your husband's first name.  For example, imaginary Great Aunt Nettie always sends a Christmas card, but isn't involved in my daily life; she may not even know I am in a serious relationship, let alone engaged.  I wouldn't invite her to my wedding, but I would send her an announcement (or in your case an At Home card) so she knows to address future cards to the both of us, as well as my husband's name.  I think an announcement or an At Home card would be considerate to those not invited to your wedding regardless of your hypenated name.