Etiquette

Alright, I need some opinions (NWR)

As a mentioned in Mandy's thread, one of my friends has been slowly driving me more and more insane, and then last night really went over the top (IMO). I could go into more detail but basically she is really judgy, doesn't like any of my other friends, and constantly complains about them.

A couple weeks ago, BF and I went out with her (K) and her DH, her best friend (S), and one other guy friend for my friend's birthday. They were trying to set up S with the other guy apparently. I was sick that night, so grumpy anyway, and I thought S was kind of innappropriately flirting with my BF. Hanging on him when she was talking to him, lots of hugs. I don't know her that will so I just brushed it off as that's how she is and I was being oversensitive because I was crabby.

Last night, we were out for my birthday, and K says to me, so S said on my birthday "I wish I could go home with (my BF) instead of (other guy), if only he could be single just for tonight"

I guess she could see my irritation because she immediately told me not to be mad, it wasn't a big deal. But honestly, it is a big deal to me. I told really give a crap about her friend (we are just acqaintances at best) but it bothers me that she just thought it was funny. If someone said that to me about her husband, and then spent all night flirting with him, I would tell them it was over the line.

Anyways, sorry this is so long. So give it to me straight, am I an oversensitive baby or is this crappy friend behavior? She wants to see a movie this week so I either need to snap out of this or figure out what to say to her.
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Re: Alright, I need some opinions (NWR)

  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    As a mentioned in Mandy's thread, one of my friends has been slowly driving me more and more insane, and then last night really went over the top (IMO). I could go into more detail but basically she is really judgy, doesn't like any of my other friends, and constantly complains about them.

    A couple weeks ago, BF and I went out with her (K) and her DH, her best friend (S), and one other guy friend for my friend's birthday. They were trying to set up S with the other guy apparently. I was sick that night, so grumpy anyway, and I thought S was kind of innappropriately flirting with my BF. Hanging on him when she was talking to him, lots of hugs. I don't know her that will so I just brushed it off as that's how she is and I was being oversensitive because I was crabby.

    Last night, we were out for my birthday, and K says to me, so S said on my birthday "I wish I could go home with (my BF) instead of (other guy), if only he could be single just for tonight"

    I guess she could see my irritation because she immediately told me not to be mad, it wasn't a big deal. But honestly, it is a big deal to me. I told really give a crap about her friend (we are just acqaintances at best) but it bothers me that she just thought it was funny. If someone said that to me about her husband, and then spent all night flirting with him, I would tell them it was over the line.

    Anyways, sorry this is so long. So give it to me straight, am I an oversensitive baby or is this crappy friend behavior? She wants to see a movie this week so I either need to snap out of this or figure out what to say to her.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • I'd be super frustrated by that but maybe she meant it in a flaterring way. Like your BF is so great even S wanted to go home with him?
    Still, I'd be annoyed.
  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Yeah I guess the way it was worded made it sound more like "S wants to screw your boyfriend" than, "S thinks your boyfriend is great". Honestly, the way it sounded to me, combined with the flirting made me think that S honestly wouldn't care if he was single or not.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • I'd be frustrated, although moreso with the girl herself than with your friend. At least she told you- however inappropriately- rather than keeping it to herself.
  • I see. Yea, I'd be pissed. I agree K should've said something to her but I give her the benfit of the doubt (then again I don't know her pas behaviour) and just chock it up to ignorance.
  • As for the other issues though (her being negative and biitchy), personally- that would be what I would be talking to her about/dropping her over, if I were you, rather than this.
  • Yeah I'd be annoyed as shiit and probably have ran my mouth. It's one thing to joke with a close friend about thinking their so is a great guy, hot, etc. It's another thing for some random chick to be hanging all over someone who is obviously taken and then be like "man I wish I could screw him."

    This strikes a nerve with me though, because one of my friends did this when Dh and I started dating. She would hang all over him and one night was like "You're so lucky you're with him, I mean, if I could have him for one night I would fuuck his brains out". I was like "Well it's a good thing you can't have him now isn't it?" and didn't speak to her for a week.
  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alright-need-opinions-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a025ea-9fa0-45b9-9f75-514cd5c72257Post:60b15b04-a220-4153-996a-dd71282d88e3">Re: Alright, I need some opinions (NWR)</a>:
    [QUOTE]As for the other issues though (her being negative and biitchy), personally- that would be what I would be talking to her about/dropping her over, if I were you, rather than this.
    Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

    You're probably right Sun, and this is honestly probably what it is more about. I think this brought it all out in me because I am constantly defending her to everyone else we know, making excuses when she is rude to them, standing of for her when they complain about her. I feel like I treat her with a lot of respect and she treats me so disrespectfully. I think this just stands out to me more because the other stuff is just how she is and this was new, if that makes any sense.

    I don't know what to do. Usually when she is talking crap about my friends I stand up for them and she drops it, but I really don't think I can handle hanging out with her again and listening to all of her crap. And I have a feeling that there is no good way to have this conversation with her, anything I say is going to cause serious strain to our friendship. I don't even know if I care so much but her H is one of BF's few guy friends.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • edited May 2010

    We've all been there with a friend who is a deadweight.

     

    The way I see it, friends are people you surround yourself with because they bring out something positive in you. They make you happy. They support you. They inspire you to be a better person. 

     

    If you have a friendship where you're pulling all the weight, or where you're simply gaining nothing positive, it's not a friendship worth having. No one is perfect, and of course people go through hard times- but it sounds like your friend behaves this way consistently.  When you are friends with someone, you're rewarding their behaviour- and if they keep behaving badly, why keep reinforcing that by continuing to allocate your time and emotion to them?

     

    It's difficult with your BF being friends with her H, but I would simply let the friendship slide- seeing her in a group is one thing, but seeking out time to spend with her is another, and I wouldn't be doing that, if I were you- not because of this particular instance, so much as the fact that you deserve better treatment than she is giving you, and a friendship isn't really such if it's one-sided. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alright-need-opinions-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a025ea-9fa0-45b9-9f75-514cd5c72257Post:d22767d5-d005-4169-a3b4-d6e9853e6cbb">Re: Alright, I need some opinions (NWR)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This strikes a nerve with me though, because one of my friends did this when Dh and I started dating. She would hang all over him and one night was like "You're so lucky you're with him, I mean, if I could have him for one night I would fuuck his brains out". I was like "Well it's a good thing you can't have him now isn't it?" and didn't speak to her for a week.
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
    <p> </p><p>If someone said this to me, I'd have to respond by talking about how hot my H is in bed and how it's sucks for them that he's not interested in girls like her. </p>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alright-need-opinions-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a025ea-9fa0-45b9-9f75-514cd5c72257Post:d2cd40e7-a671-42be-ab55-aaeb4c5dee54">Re: Alright, I need some opinions (NWR)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Alright, I need some opinions (NWR) :   If someone said this to me, I'd have to respond by talking about how hot my H is in bed and how it's sucks for them that he's not interested in girls like her. 
    Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
    Hahahahah yes!
  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    You're about her not being a positive influence in my life. Every time I hang out with her it stresses me out. Usually we do things the four of us, BF saw how upset I was last night and said we should just take a break from hanging out with them. It won't be that hard to just avoid it for awhile and then see if I even want to bother having a conversation with her about it and trying to stay friends.

    And sun, that's probably exactly where it would have went if this girl had said this to me. I almost said it to K but someone else got my attention so I basically just walked away, but she is exactly the type of girl BF would never be interested in. Nice enough, but the kind that likes to act really dumb around guys. And giggly, oh so giggly (is that a word?).
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its

    And seriously katie, what is wrong with your friend? I get complimenting a friends SO, but how do people not realize that is over the line?

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • I'm suggesting alcohol might have something to do with it? haha.
  • I think your BF has a good plan; tone down the frequency of your gtg's and see how you feel. If she stresses you out, I'm thinking that perhaps you're better off not being chummy with her. It may be awkward at first, but I'm sure your BFand his friend will figure out ways of hanging out even if their partners aren't the best of friends.

  • amalamaamalama member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Thanks for the advice ladies, I just know there aren't really any friends I can talk to about this (because none of them like her already, not the most objective advice). I at least feel like I am not being totally unreasonable being frustrated with her now.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alright-need-opinions-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a025ea-9fa0-45b9-9f75-514cd5c72257Post:b4e82a77-0813-400d-b2e1-d257010c4501">Re: Alright, I need some opinions (NWR)</a>:
    [QUOTE]because none of them like her already,
    <p>Posted by amalama[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Probably for a reason! ;p</p>
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards