upset....a little hurt....vent

shanliann

so short back story. im an only child. fiance is youngest of 6. needless to say, it excites me to be getting brother and sister inlaws, and nieces and nephews!

for the most part i have no issues with any of his family.
one of his sisters got into an argument with me and fiancee in june about our reception and it turned into a shouting arguing crying mess. well that sister has a daughter who is 21 and she and i get along pretty well, and have since that argument with her mom.

So my maid of honor sent out invites for my bachlorette party like 2 weeks ago, and i included invites for all the girls on fiances side of the famiy, i felt this was the proper thing to do.


So tonight I get a text from my soon to be niece, telling me her and her mom can't make it to my bachlorette party tomorrow night. no reason given.

i'm upset and hurt.....

lyndausvi

Don't be hurt.  Invitations are not subpoena.  Maybe they just had another commitment?  Or maybe b-parties are not their thing (I'm not really a b-party fan - didn't have one of my own).

Just focus on those who are coming.

hoffse

I get being bummed but try not to be hurt.  Guests aren't obligated to give an excuse when they can't attend an event.  On these boards we typically advise brides not to give a reason - it's unnecessary and frankly can just cause more problems if the bride doesn't think the reason is good enough.

shanliann

i guess i just feel like, im marrying your brother (or uncle) its just the right thing for you to do to show up. were going to dinner first, so if your not a big party girl, come for dinner have a drink and then go on your way.

and his niece was texting me 2 days ago saying she was excited!

i feel like i'll never be as much a part of the family as other spouses and im so tired of trying!!!

lyndausvi

Don't read too much into it.    

Off-topic - what did your kid's meal end up being? 

LeiselEB

I'd be disappointed they cant come. But they don't have to give you a reason and I think you're reading a little too much into it.

DramaGeek

I have skipped all of the baby showers for my SILs.  It's not that I don't love them and my nephews to pieces, it's that I can't stand showers and the anxiety they bring isn't worth it.  So I send my regrets and go on my merry way.  Perhaps it's the same for them - they aren't comfortable attending.  It likely has nothing to do with how they feel about YOU and is more about how they feel about being in a crowd of people or in that kind of atmosphere.  I mean, even dinner could potentially get a little raunchy, you know?

StephBeanWed61502

My FSIL skipped my bach party. She and I get along great, but she's also ten years older than I, and just wasn't crazy about the idea of "partying" with me and my friends. She wasn't trying to offend me, I didn't get irrationally offended, and we still get along great. If you are upset about your relationship with these people, work on THAT. Don't make it about your bach party. Also, side note, I would not want to go to a party for someone who thought it was appropriate to get into a "shouting, arguing, crying mess" with my mother, no matter how much I liked the person otherwise.

shanliann

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upseta-little-hurtvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a2a07f-a8d7-4c85-96dc-515abb04bc2dPost:9d946bfb-6e15-4857-b72d-2b45060742ee">Re: upset....a little hurt....vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't read too much into it.     Off-topic - what did your kid's meal end up being? 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]



thanks for asking :) the said that the 12.00 is just for the meal its self, but since  we are doing a "package" for adults, we have to package the kids meal and they package kids meal at half price of the adults.   i guess it is what it is....

shanliann

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upseta-little-hurtvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a2a07f-a8d7-4c85-96dc-515abb04bc2dPost:0be849e7-7df4-4b0f-8d92-33caf644f1e0">Re:upset....a little hurt....vent</a>:
[QUOTE]My FSIL skipped my bach party. She and I get along great, but she's also ten years older than I, and just wasn't crazy about the idea of "partying" with me and my friends. She wasn't trying to offend me, I didn't get irrationally offended, and we still get along great. If you are upset about your relationship with these people, work on THAT. Don't make it about your bach party. Also, side note, I would not want to go to a party for someone who thought it was appropriate to get into a "shouting, arguing, crying mess" with my mother, no matter how much I liked the person otherwise.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

it was her mother that did all the shouting and arguing. i just did the crying. and this was in june and it hasn't seemed to bother them since.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_upseta-little-hurtvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9a2a07f-a8d7-4c85-96dc-515abb04bc2dPost:60738054-1041-4447-8851-59d0d056d8d4">Re: upset....a little hurt....vent</a>:
[QUOTE]i guess i just feel like, im marrying your brother (or uncle) its just the right thing for you to do to show up. were going to dinner first, so if your not a big party girl, come for dinner have a drink and then go on your way.
Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

I think this is a strange sentiment to have.  Why would you want people there who didn't want to be there?  Why would you assume that because you are marrying their brother or uncle that they would HAVE to come?  Invites are just an offer to attend, they are not a mandatory event.  Please don't read too much into it.

They are coming the wedding (right?)  That's the important part. 

willywally5

I can totally get the aunt not wanting to come. I felt really awkward going to DD's BP (and I'm only 41) but went because she asked me to. (Ended up being fun, though.) And a 21-year-old might be busy with school or work or friends or maybe just isn't into partying. I'd try not to take it so personally and chalk it up to it's just not their thing, not that YOU'RE just not their thing. 

lily_721

I didn't attend my SIL's bridal shower or bachelorette party.  I care for her very much but I didn't want to go.  No excuses just no thank you. 

MrsGandthebeag

My SIL didn't attend my bachelorette.  I went to part of hers.  I just wasn't into the show they were going to, so I went to the dinner portion of the evening.  I get being disappointed as I was bummed she didn't come to mine, but I wouldn't read too much into this.  I would try to mend the relationship though besides the wedding stuff.  Seems odd to get into a screaming/crying match with your FSIL.  

OwningAHome1981

Bachelorette Parties are not mandatory. My sister's husband's sister didn't attend hers, despite being in the BP. It's just not everyone's thing.