KIDS

KBSK12

I did a review of our guest list last night and we are over the mark where we wanted to be, including 11 young children.  The obvious solution is to make it an adults only reception and cut out all kids.  However, my cousin has two kids (2 and 6) who I am very close with.  The other 9 kids are from FI's side and we see them probably once or twice a year.  Neither FI or I am close with them.   Also, my cousin lives in the town where we are holding the wedding/reception, and she has already said that her inlaws will come at some point to pick them up.  The rest of the kids are from out of town, so someone picking them up is not an option.  Is there a way to allow 2 young children at the ceremony/part of the reception and not invite the others? 

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea65dd59-219c-4231-b672-7967e90e0124Post:6f7bea26-e9af-4fb4-94fb-6ea75d041d5e">KIDS -- ugh</a>:
[QUOTE]I did a review of our guest list last night and we are over the mark where we wanted to be, including 11 young children.  The obvious solution is to make it an adults only reception and cut out all kids.  However, my cousin has two kids (2 and 6) who I am very close with.  The other 9 kids are from FI's side and we see them probably once or twice a year.  Neither FI or I am close with them.   Also, my cousin lives in the town where we are holding the wedding/reception, and she has already said that her inlaws will come at some point to pick them up.  The rest of the kids are from out of town, so someone picking them up is not an option.  Is there a way to allow 2 young children at the ceremony/part of the reception and not invite the others? 
Posted by KBSK12[/QUOTE]

I think only if they are actually in the wedding.

KBSK12

[QUOTE]In Response to KIDS: I think only if they are actually in the wedding.
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

That was my thought too.  It might be too late in the game now (2 months to go). 

JaxInBlue

Kids shouldn't be invited to the ceremony but excluded from the reception; not only is it complicated for parents and care-givers, it makes your event a tiered event. 

If you only want these two children invited, it would probably be best to find a way to fit in only their "circle."  For example, if they are your flower girl(s)/ringbearer(s), and no other children are involved in your wedding party, then these two children could be included in the reception because they are in the wedding party.  This would only work though if they are the only children in your wedding party.  Other circles would be nieces/nephews, cousins (of a certain degree), etc.

DH and I only included children who were nieces/nephews or first cousins.  We addressed all inivtations only to the invited people and were prepared to make follow-up calls if people are RSVP'ed with unvited youngsters.  You will likely need to do the same: address the invite to those invited, be prepared to call if people RSVP for their kids and explain only mom and dad were invited, and, possibly, be prepared for pushback from people who do not want to travel without their children.

JessAndTrav

It's probably not the best etiquette, but I didn't invite everyone's children, but I didn't say no kids. I just invited some kids and not some of the others, because the ones I didn't invite are INSANE. 

We only have 5 kids at our wedding, all but 1 were closely related.

KBSK12

I wouldn't necessarily be excluding them from the reception, it just works out that my cousin's inlaws will be picking them up at some point, which is not an option for the other parents.  Not that I'm biased, but they are pretty well behaved and the other kids on FI's side are horrors. I'm picturing fingers in the cake, screaming during the ceremony, etc.  The parents don't do anything about their unacceptable behavior, and even FI and my FMIL agree. 

j-harvey

I would say no kids and find a way to celebrate your marriage separately with the cousins kids. You might have an issue if travel require flights. People might have only 1 parent attend or nobody attends if they have kids who need sitters. Since you didn't specify no kids before people who have a non refundable travel plans may be upset

KBSK12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea65dd59-219c-4231-b672-7967e90e0124Post:ca4708cc-7653-4f0d-a9c0-ec2e59294d64">Re:KIDS</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say no kids and find a way to celebrate your marriage separately with the cousins kids. You might have an issue if travel require flights. People might have only 1 parent attend or nobody attends if they have kids who need sitters. <strong>Since you didn't specify no kids before people who have a non refundable travel plans may be upset</strong>
Posted by j-harvey[/QUOTE]

No one will be flying or traveling extensively, so this won't be an issue.  And invites haven't gone out yet, so it will be indicated by who they are addressed to (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Mom and Dad, no kids names), although I am prepared for some to assume they are invited.

Summer2011Bride

Do you think the parents of the non-invited kids will make a stink if they see two kids at the wedding? I mean, I think you are fine to not invite their kids either way, but you'd have to decide if the fight will be worth it (if you think they'll put up a fight). I agree that cutting "in circles" is easiest to head off arguments with parents of non-invited kids. However, I tend to see inviting kids like inviting adults. I don't have to invite ALL my co-workers or ALL my friends, so why invite ALL the kids? I think you are fine to just invite the two kids you are closest to and not the others. Like I said, if it will cause family drama though, you'll have to decide if it's worth it.

Avion22

Just out of curiosity, are you out of space at your venue, or running up against budget issues?  If it's budget, then see if your caterer will offer you a lower price point for kids.  I think we only paid 50% for children under 12.   So if you cut 9 kids, you might not actually be saving THAT much money.  You'd be better off skipping favors or scaling back on something else, if budget is the issue.

KBSK12

[QUOTE]Just out of curiosity, are you out of space at your venue, or running up against budget issues?  If it's budget, then see if your caterer will offer you a lower price point for kids.  I think we only paid 50% for children under 12.   So if you cut 9 kids, you might not actually be saving THAT much money.  You'd be better off skipping favors or scaling back on something else, if budget is the issue.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

It's a little bit of both. Our caterer only offers 20% discount for young kids. Or they can be served a plated meal which comes to about a 25% discount.  Either way, it all adds up.