Second small dinner party for family unable to travel

CFM102012

My FI is originallty from the Pittsburgh area.  The wedding will be in western Ohio.  He has several older aunts, uncles and other family who have expressed sadness over the distance because they can't really travel.  We are going to send them an invite anyway of course because we do want them there.  FMIL has suggested a second smaller dinner party a month or so after the wedding for these family members to attend.  We'll probably show the video from the wedding and any pictures we have at that point.  

My question is, how do I inform these family members of the second "reception".  Should I stick something into the wedding invitations being sent to those specific people or send a separate invitation for the dinner party?  I'm pretty much letting FMIL take lead in the planning of this one.  Any suggestions are appreciated.

Edited because paragraphs are my friend

dumdumfroggie

I wouldn't do any formal invitations because that runs into the sticky ground of inviting all wedding guests to all wedding functions.

If it's just a small number of people, I'd just give them a call with the invite.

CFM102012

From what FMIL has been saying I'm thinking it'll be 20-25 people.  Still just call?

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:c23a419b-5506-400a-a965-6f56db9505e8">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't do any formal invitations because that runs into the sticky ground of inviting all wedding guests to all wedding functions. If it's just a small number of people, I'd just give them a call with the invite.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

Froggie is wise.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:e2de2f9d-db27-4433-bf90-f587680c70d3">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]How come they can come a month later but not to the actual wedding?  Bad timing?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I assumed that this dinner was in the area that they reside.

I could be completely off base however...

CFM102012

The second dinner party would be in the Pittsburgh area, so they won't have to travel.  The month is just an estimate on my part as there is no real time table laid down yet.

dumdumfroggie

20-25 is not that bad, especially since I'm assuming that many of them are couples in the same household.  I'd just call.

CFM102012

Thanks for the tips girls.  I didn't expect such quick feedback after how long it took for TK to post my op

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:eb5751e2-d7b5-4b97-a685-ab462d27efc9">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the tips girls.  I didn't expect such quick feedback after how long it took for TK to post my op
Posted by CFM102012[/QUOTE]

It does take some time to post the OP

Thanks for being patient though and not clicking post a half a dozen times :D

CFM102012

I've lurked on E long enough to know it takes a while.  Yay for lurking!

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:e2ac095c-55ba-4434-995b-f563998aa56d">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]I've lurked on E long enough to know it takes a while.  Yay for lurking!
Posted by CFM102012[/QUOTE]

Yes, yay for lurking!

Kate61487

I'd do paper invitations if you're more comfortable with it, but I would NOT include it in the wedding invitation.  In my mind this isn't a second reception - it's FMIL throwing a dinner party, and you'll happen to be there with a wedding album in hand.  I'd let FMIL handle it however she would normally invite her relatives over (whether that be by phone, email, letter, etc.) and just show up as any other guest.  Have fun!

CFM102012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:68a99cd5-2978-407c-af96-1855d4bb3604">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd do paper invitations if you're more comfortable with it, but I would NOT include it in the wedding invitation.  In my mind this isn't a second reception - it's FMIL throwing a dinner party, and you'll happen to be there with a wedding album in hand.  I'd let FMIL handle it however she would normally invite her relatives over (whether that be by phone, email, letter, etc.) and just show up as any other guest.  Have fun!
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>It will probably be in a restaraunt's party room and not actually at FMIL's house.  She has a rather small house.  We'll probably talk about it a bit this weekend since FI and I are spending Christmas with her and FSIL.  I will be sure to bring these options up when the subject of invitations comes up.  </div><div>
</div><div>For the girls who previously responded, would you change to a little card invitation if it ends up being  2+ months after the wedding?  Or still just call and invite them?</div>

MyUserName1

I think it depends on what your FMIL would ordinarily do.

But if it's a relatively casual event, I think calling is still fine

CFM102012

Thank you all again for your suggestions.  I knew I couldn't go wrong asking the E regs 

PinkRoseAcct

Your FMIL's plan sounds alot classier than what my FIL's are planning, so I just have a few pieces of advice.  Don't call it a wedding reception, or second reception, or anything.  And don't give out registry info.  My FIL's are (as of right now) planning on both, and I can't stand it.  This is a party to celebrate the fact that you got married, but it's not the wedding reception, and shouldn't be treated as such.  Otherwise, have fun!

staceycaine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:39f748f9-e356-4db7-ab92-3103a7cc619a">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FMIL's plan sounds alot classier than what my FIL's are planning, so I just have a few pieces of advice.  Don't call it a wedding reception, or second reception, or anything.  And don't give out registry info.  <strong>My FIL's are (as of right now) planning on both, and I can't stand it.</strong>  This is a party to celebrate the fact that you got married, but it's not the wedding reception, and shouldn't be treated as such.  Otherwise, have fun!
Posted by PinkRoseAcct[/QUOTE]

Then turn them down and don't do it. They can't really force you to go to a party.

CFM102012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:39f748f9-e356-4db7-ab92-3103a7cc619a">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FMIL's plan sounds alot classier than what my FIL's are planning, so I just have a few pieces of advice.  <strong>Don't call it a wedding reception, or second reception, or anything.</strong>  And don't give out registry info.  My FIL's are (as of right now) planning on both, and I can't stand it.  This is a party to celebrate the fact that you got married, but it's not the wedding reception, and shouldn't be treated as such.  Otherwise, have fun!
Posted by PinkRoseAcct[/QUOTE]

<div>I hadn't thought about that, thank you. They'll still be getting wedding invitations which will have a card included listing our website for additional guest information.  I do have a part on the website for registry but it's mostly for accomodations, directions to the church and probably area points of interest.  </div>

PinkRoseAcct

Stacey - there was a big post a few weeks ago going back and forth on this.  Unfortunately, my FIL's won't listen to the word no.  They are planning the party even though FI and I said we don't want it.  "It's our right to have a party to celebrate our son's marraige if we want to" was the answer we got.

CFM - sounds like you're good then.  Have fun!

staceycaine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:a69b576f-9122-4e43-b7c2-e6af7a231b80">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]Stacey - there was a big post a few weeks ago going back and forth on this.  Unfortunately, my FIL's won't listen to the word no.  They are planning the party even though FI and I said we don't want it.  "It's our right to have a party to celebrate our son's marraige if we want to" was the answer we got. CFM - sounds like you're good then.  Have fun!
Posted by PinkRoseAcct[/QUOTE]

They can have a party. You don't have to show up. This is a great place to start putting your foot down. If they're going against all sorts of etiquette, and you're upset by it, you do not have to let them do it, or, at the very least, you do not have to be a part of it.

PinkRoseAcct

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-small-dinner-party-family-unable-travel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6f4a21-8a8f-4e53-a264-b742cc5555ecPost:022c4bd5-bec4-4b3d-a6c6-9cff9d679d60">Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Second small dinner party for family unable to travel : They can have a party. You don't have to show up. This is a great place to start putting your foot down. If they're going against all sorts of etiquette, and you're upset by it, you do not have to let them do it, or, at the very least, you do not have to be a part of it.
Posted by staceycaine[/QUOTE]

<div>That's what my current plan is.  We have requested that they change it to a picnic where the family can meet me, not a second wedding reception, which is what they want.  If they still refuse, then I won't go.</div>