Can't help but be upset

North8

Let's just start this out by saying I love my MOH.

She has been my best friend for 20+ years.  My wedding is DIY and we are on a very strict budget. I was offered a chance to make some money by making shower gifts for a friend of hers. The other B gave me the ideas of what she wanted, colors and all.  She wrote me a check for for 14 gifts. I deposited the check and got everything for the shower. I contacted the other B when the check bounced. She apologized and said she would give me cash since I had already purchased everything. Her shower was the day before mine. Now due to the fact the gift was an organic sugar scrub I made them the day of her shower. I dropped them off at my MOH's house since she was attending the shower and I was not.  When I arrived at my shower the next day I was schocked to see the gifts that I had made the day before on the table at MY shower!  I bit my tounge and said nothing that night. 

When I questioned my MOH the next day I was told that the other shower had been called off and she didn't see why they should go to waste. I called the other B and asked for her to cover my bank fees for the bounced check and was told that since the shower did not happen, she had no need for the gifts and there was no need to pay me.  I understand that this is the price of doing business with out a contract.

Where my hurt comes in is the fact that my MOH used those same gifts for MY shower. I'm the one who went in search for the ORGANIC materials, I am the one who made them, I am the one who is out the $100 for materials. If she needed help doing ANYTHING for my shower I would have helped, if she had asked!  She never asked me if it was okay to use them, never offered to pay for even part of the materials, NOTHING! My MOH sees nothing wrong with what she did.

Am I wrong for being upset? 

egm900

No, you're not wrong in being upset.  Your MOH should have told you the other shower was cancelled and returned the items to you, or at least asked if she could use them for your shower.

Girlie1030

Meh, I wouldn't be upset with your MOH.  She just didn't see the point in letting them go to waste.  I would be livid with this other bride though. 

OliveOilsMom

I would be upset too.  And I think the other bride at least owes you the money for the bank fees associated with her bounced check.  And I would ask your MOH if she knew the bride is refusing to pay you for the things you made now that her shower was canceled.  Your MOH may honestly not know that the bride's check bounced.  She may have thought they were paid for and that they still should not go to waste.

pkontk

I think I'd also be more upset at the other bride.  Even without a contract, you delivered the goods she asked for.  It wasn't your fault that the shower didn't happen.  I would definitely tell the MOH that the scrubs were not paid for and ask her to talk to the other bride.

North8

I am livid with the other bride and that is in the process of being taken care of.  The MOH was supposed to pick up the cash for me at the other shower. But it was the assumption that the "Gifts" were free to use for what my MOH wanted.  I could have returned pieces and parts of the "Gifts" and attempted to recoup some of my money.  This literally took 7% of my budget for my wedding.

baystateapple

IMO, your MOH made an honest mistake.  She probably thought she was doing a good thing by using them at your shower so they didn't go to waste.  You can do what you want, it's your life, but I don't think I'd waste energy on being angry with my MOH.

The other bride, however, needs to be brought to task and give you at least the money for your supplies and the bounced check fees.

JessAndTrav

I agree with PPs...your MOH probably honestly didn't want them to go to waste, but that other bride---she's really special.

Who writes a hot check anymore? I'd totally turn into  Judgey McJudgerson with that girl.

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-help-but-be-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea7497e4-2887-4399-acdb-39ed4a6fc9aePost:4d73ad6d-57f5-4ca3-bb6f-44268913be6b">Re: Can't help but be upset</a>:
[QUOTE]Meh, I wouldn't be upset with your MOH.  She just didn't see the point in letting them go to waste.  I would be livid with this other bride though. 
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed.</div>

Simply Fated

I don't think you're wrong for being upset. What your MOH did was wrong. She turned a money making thing for you into a money spending thing for you. If she was acting like the middle-man, then she should have kept you informed. You made those gifts and if they aren't used for their intended purposes, they should have been returned to you.
The other bride is equally wrong and should pay you back in full for expenses, including any bank fees for the bounced check.

LDubHawksFan

You need to still try to get the other bride to at least pay for the bounced check fee.  If she isn't going to pay for the gifts, then feel free to never do anything for her again.  As for your MOH, I think it was a misunderstanding, but I think you need to talk to her about it.  It seems like she is under the impression that the other bride already paid for the things.  I assume that when the gifts were at the shower, they were actually prizes or something for games, and not returned to you after???  If so, your MOH needs to reimburse you then.  If she bought the gifts from a store, she would have paid for them.  If she says she isn't going to, then I would be really pissed.  And if you still had one of those from the shower, I think that would be her bridesmaid gift if it was me.  Sorry.  That is so annoying.

North8

I still love my MOH and we will get thru it.  Thank you for all your advice.  Have a wonderful day!