Am I being too nice?

grizzly04

Am I being too nice or my own good? Long story short my mother-in-law hates my guts, you don’t want to even know what she has done. From calling me the F’ing girlfriend, to telling my fiancé I was cheating on him. She is horrible! And finally people in town said that it’s not me, it’s her, and I have changed my fiancé for the better. Anyway, my fiancé step-brothers wife and girlfriend are in this little pack with my mother-in-law. When his step-brother got married over the summer they had him sit at the head table, well he clearly said that he did not want to be separated from me because I don’t truly know anyone and the people I do know are not very nice to me. Well, the separated him anyways so he decided to sit with me instead of the head table so I was not alone.
Due to space, we are putting immediate family at the head table. I know I have to put the wicked mother-in-law at the head table since it is family, but should I put the two ugly step sister-in-laws? His step brothers are sitting at the head table. Long story short we are having a huge family head table and the people who are in the wedding “party” are family members except for one. We are trying to save space in the main area. I keep on telling myself I should, but people are saying I am too nice. My fiancé says he doesn’t care but he knows I will probably have them sit with us because of the type of person I am.

lauralaur

If they are the only family that will end up excluded I would add them to the table to avoid conflict within the family.

I will say, I spent very little time at my table during our reception, I was so busy visiting with guests and dancing. You may not actually see them much while up there. You also likely will not have to speak with them much either, as the music will be too loud, they'll be too far away for comfortable conversation, etc.

lyndausvi

It would only make you look bad and petty if you don't have them up there.     Solution is not to have any of them up there and have a SH table and put them all at other tables.

monkeysip

And this is the problem with head tables.

I'm not saying they can't ever work, but they do force you to jam a lot of people you might not like at the table with you. 

I'd figure out a different table solution, such as a sweetheart table or regular rounds (we're sitting at just a regular table with our closest friends). 

But if you do a headtable, you must seat spouses together.  And it sounds like your step-brothers are just as much to blame, so don't put all the blame on their wives.

Sorry that you have to deal with such crap, but it's always better to be the bigger person.

grizzly04

That's what I thought until I was separated from my fiance and he rebelled and sat by me. They had him sitting at the head table and me sitting with the guests, not even at the reserved tables. 

winelover123

I would definitely suggest just doing a sweetheart table.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-being-too-nice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eaf2de27-b513-47c3-912e-6679b1918c2dPost:4b68207b-d541-4656-842f-c7c5dc47a982">Re: Am I being too nice?</a>:
[QUOTE]That's what I thought until I was separated from my fiance and he rebelled and sat by me. They had him sitting at the head table and me sitting with the guests, not even at the reserved tables. 
Posted by grizzly04[/QUOTE]

<div>So you're considering doing the same thing to them? Be the bigger person and do things the right way. This is not preschool and two wrongs will not make a right. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, if you and your FI made a big (justifiable) stink about being separated at another wedding, doing the same thing to them at your wedding will just make you look bad and give them more ammo to talk smack and hate you.</div><div>
</div><div>Be the bigger, more mature person and seat everyone etiquettely correct. Either have everyone at a head table, do a sweetheart table or sit everyone (yourselves included) at regular tables.</div>

cbrown828

I understand they were rude when they made that kind of seating arrangement excluding you, but it doesn't justify doing it to them when it's your turn. It will just look petty and stir up drama. I agree with PPs who suggested a sweetheart table and a family table. I hope it all works out.

emilykathleen511

My husband and I just sat at a regular round with the Best Men and their sig. others. and the MOH and her guest. Bam. Regular round table. Something like that or a sweetheart table for just you and your fiancé should work nicely. You definitely should not split up couples at a day designed to celebrate couple-dom.

grizzly04

I was not planning on seperating them in the first place. I was just talking to some co-workers and they thought it was wrong how they treated me and now I am treating them nicely. I'm letting them in all of the wedding pictures and all the "family" stuff that I was excluded from. I know I am being the bigger person, and their is no way to have little tables around because of the size and dimensions.

When his step-brother was getting married I thought I was sitting by him until we arrived at the reception and he was sitting at the head table and I was sitting by myself. Because I thought you were not supposed to separate couples but she did and that really upset me. I didn't tell my fiance but he decided that he was going to sit by me instead of the headtable because he thought it was a screwy deal. He told them why he was not sitting there and you should have seen the look on her face! That was priceless.

These people have treated me horrible for over three years and I am still nice to them. My mother raised me to kill people with kindness.