If you don't have a relationship with the person should they be invited?

alli65

Ok, I have an uncle who I have 0 relationship with.  I see him maybe once a year.  Now, there are people would like to have on our guestlist who are important to me and I want to be apart of our day.  I feel like if I don't invite him this is going to cause some grief with my mother.  What do I do?  Am I wrong?  Does he get an invite strictly because he is my uncle?  I'm torn....advice please?

number55

Once a year is way more than I see my uncle and he is coming. I am also inviting my father's wife's sister and brother-in-law whom I have never met (and really have little to know interest in meeting)...but that is because of the old adage "he who pays, says"...

Is it really worth upsetting your mom over? Is she paying for the reception? 

[Deleted User]

Is one person really worth starting a bunch of family drama over? Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Do you have anything in particular against your Uncle? If not, I don't see the big deal in inviting him. We invited and had people at our wedding I only see for weddings or funerals, that is just life when families are all over the place.

alli65

No, we are splitting the wedding three ways.  My fiance and I, his parents, and mine.  If  they were paying for the whole thing, there would be no question I would keep my mouth shut and send him an invite.  But, my mom has been a lil tough throughout the planning process, so I'm stuck because I am trying to pick my battles.

[Deleted User]

Just invite him. I don't see how one person is going to hurt. I would have been thankful for my parents just to of helped with our wedding, so inviting one person I don't see often would have been a no brainer for me.

SparrowSong

A wedding is also a big deal to your parents. Their little girl is getting married and they want to share their pride and happiness with those they care about too. Even if you don't have a special connection with your uncle, your mother may certainly want him to be part of it, or at least welcomed to be part of it.

Try to look at things from POVs other than your own and don't fall victim to the me-me-me bridezilla mentality.

marisah83

If it is going to cause drama with your parents, go ahead and invite him.  

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-relationship-person-should-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb1606fa-88c4-4dbd-a0e1-616ce858e120Post:8486a93f-da2e-4878-970e-7f4b923fd8df">Re: If you don't have a relationship with the person should they be invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is<strong> one person</strong> really worth starting a bunch of family drama over? Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Do you have anything in particular against your Uncle? If not, I don't see the big deal in inviting him. We invited and had people at our wedding I only see for weddings or funerals, that is just life when families are all over the place.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

Exactly. It's one person. Don't pick this battle. You may not know him very well, but that may change. It sounds like you don't have a particular problem with him either so I don't think it's worth the effort.

quotequeen

Yeah, you should invite him.

Chasity08

Definitely invite him.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I've seen my cousin once in ten years. She's invited and she's coming. In fact, most of my family I rarely see, since we're spread all over the country. 

In certain families, with certain relationships, it would be very hurtful to not invite close relatives, no matter how close you are to them personally. I'd listen to your mom in this case.

Unless, of course, you have good reason for not talking to your uncle, like he's in jail for statutory rape or something.

lyndausvi

Pick you battles..

I would just invite him.,, but I had more people and not inviting one person is way more of a bigger deal than just inviting them.

you are the only one who can say if it's worth it or not..

srkropf

It's one person+ mabye $20. Is that worth starting serious family drama/hurt feelings. That's not even a night at the movies, just invite him. I haven't seen most of my dad's family since my Grammie past away, but they're all invited because they're my family. Now, my mom's 3rd cousin and family aren't coming, but that's because it's a small wedding for us, and if she wants to pay more for them to come, fine, if not, they're not coming.

Wmb0124

Talk to your mom about it. I have several relatives that I don't have much of a relationship with. Although FI and I are paying for most of the wedding, I still went over the guestlist with my mom and I was really surprised when she suggested not inviting anyone from her family. She took that back, though, and said she'd feel bad if we didn't at least invite them. Explain to your mom that you don't really want to invite your uncle, and if you can see that it will upset her, go ahead and invite him. Or, invite the people you want to and allow your parents and FI's parents to invite a certain amount of people. That way, you can have the peopel you want and your mom can invite who she wants.