Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?

harper0813

I see discussions around about receiving lines versus table visits, but what are Knotties' thoughts on having neither?

Our wedding will consist of around 175-200 guests, I estimate. My FI and I will not know about 1/4 of these guests and there are around 25 people who do not care for one of us (and through association, perhaps both?). However, our parents are helping to pay for the wedding and we have no choice but to invite these strangers and estranged-ers. Assuming that these guests will come, I would like to avoid having forced conversation with people whom I don't know and/or are not there to see us get married but to spend time with other people.

We will be spending time socializing with guests during the cocktail hour, instead, which will allow us to talk to people more freely and naturally. We are not marrying at a church and our ceremony and reception are in the same building. Would you perceive it as rude if you attended a wedding without table visits or a receiving line?

misshart00

I think somehow you need to thank every person for coming. If you don't like some of these people, I would do a receiving line so you only have to talk to them for a minute. If they choose not to go through the line, then I don't think you have any obligation to go find them.

AddieCake

I definitely you need to do SOMETHING to thank everyone for coming. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:3d12db3c-9225-470f-9910-f9720022a3eb">Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]Would you perceive it as rude if you attended a wedding without table visits or a receiving line?
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

In short, yes.

These people came to see and support the beginning of your marriage.  They have offered you gifts and time.  You - as guests of honor - are required to meet and thank each one of them in person.

I prefer table visits, personally.  Receiving lines are awkward.

EDIT: And no, the back stories of why they are there and if/how they dislike you doesn't matter.

itzMS

As a guest, I always "skip" the receiving line...if I know the couple well or not. I'm not a fan of forced conversation, so I can relate.

As a guest, I also don't care if the couple talks to me or thanks me...it's their wedding day...I'd much rather they enjoy time together.

My opinion is not a popular one.

So I suggest you and FI make the decision for yourselves, make a list of pros & cons. You'll always find someone who doesn't like receiving lines or table visits or both.

Pookieson

I say do whatever works best for your evening.  If it is a receiving line, do one.  If table visits are preferrable, do that.  However, you have to thank them somehow for coming.  I understand you don't like some of your guests, but I would put on a smile and grin and bear it for the 5 seconds it takes to say, "So glad you could make it, thank you for coming."  It's really easy and avoids you looking like an a-hole.

banana468

You need to make the effort even with the strangers. Put yourself in your parents shoes. These are their friends you would be ignoring.

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:3d12db3c-9225-470f-9910-f9720022a3eb">Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see discussions around about receiving lines versus table visits, but what are Knotties' thoughts on having neither? Our wedding will consist of around 175-200 guests, I estimate. My FI and I will not know about 1/4 of these guests and there are around 25 people who do not care for one of us (and through association, perhaps both?). However, our parents are helping to pay for the wedding and <strong>we have no choice but to invite these strangers and estranged-ers.</strong> Assuming that these guests will come, I would like to avoid having forced conversation with people whom I don't know and/or are not there to see us get married but to spend time with other people. We will be spending time socializing with guests during the cocktail hour, instead, which will allow us to talk to people more freely and naturally. We are not marrying at a church and our ceremony and reception are in the same building. Would you perceive it as rude if you attended a wedding without table visits or a receiving line?
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

You do have a choice. Pay for your own wedding and don't invite them.

If is so rude to not greet all of your guests, somehow.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:e668ff02-af0c-48ec-985e-e3ce659c6afc">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely you need to do SOMETHING to thank everyone for coming. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

That's what the reception is.

s-aries8990

I say do a recieving line - they seem to be a bit more rushed and that would actually be perfect for your situation - "nice to meet you, thanks for coming (shake hand). NEXT!" rinse & repeat.

OwningAHome1981

I don't think you need to do a receiving line. I have only been to one wedding where it was done and I didn't opt to do it b/c the line was too long and I have no patience for most things. I never felt like I needed to be personally thanked though and was never offended when I wasn't.

There are other ways to thank guests a) by throwing a reception (b/c isn't that what it is- a party to thank them for coming?) b) write something in the program about thanking them for coming c) make a speech and thank everyone.

I think most people are not going to care if they are personally thanked or not.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:945a7a86-b20e-4921-a2fd-31e6eb06dbd1">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE] There are other ways to thank guests a) by throwing a reception (b/c isn't that what it is- a party to thank them for coming?) b) write something in the program about thanking them for coming c) make a speech and thank everyone. I think most people are not going to care if they are personally thanked or not.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

No.  Nonononononono.









No.

misssunshine17

Owning, I was offended at a friends wedding that I was not personally greeted by the bride or groom, or even the MOB. The bride spent the whole evening talking to her bridal party and ignored her guests. I felt like she didn't care that I took the day off the attend a Friday afternoon wedding and brought a gift.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:f48bd2b5-0ca4-4878-ab10-4fbd3b183756">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : You do have a choice. <strong>Pay for your own wedding and don't invite them</strong>. If is so rude to not greet all of your guests, somehow.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

That right there is your best out.  You are inviting these people to your wedding, you need to thank them for coming.  A receiving line will get them in and out in seconds and those who truly don't like you <em>(seriously I'm having a really hard time with why you would accept those strings - 1/4 of your guest list DISLIKES you, but you're not willing to pay your own way to avoid that?) </em>will likely skip it.  Your parents, as those guests hosts, should make sure to spend a little more time.

I *might* accept a thank you speech with the parents doing table visits if the parents are truly the hosts.  But that means they are thanking ALL the guests for coming, not just theirs.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:e639c1a1-fa00-4318-b8e9-ac2ecb99b557">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]Owning, I was offended at a friends wedding that I was not personally greeted by the bride or groom, or even the MOB. The bride spent the whole evening talking to her bridal party and ignored her guests. I felt like she didn't care that I took the day off the attend a Friday afternoon wedding and brought a gift.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

A thank you card is your personal thank you, though. They don't need to go out of their way to personally thank everyone. We are having over 300 people at my wedding. I'm not personally thanking every single one.

misshart00

In Response to Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?:Owning, I was offended at a friends wedding that I was not personally greeted by the bride or groom, or even the MOB. The bride spent the whole evening talking to her bridal party and ignored her guests. I felt like she didn't care that I took the day off the attend a Friday afternoon wedding and brought a gift.Posted by misssunshine17A thank you card is your personal thank you, though. They don't need to go out of their way to personally thank everyone. We are having over 300 people at my wedding. I'm notnbsp;personally thanking every single one. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

I had about 300 at my wedding and thanked them. The size of your guest list doesn't really matter when it come to being polite.

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:b06ef237-4541-44c6-afee-f4312458a3c1">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : A thank you card is your personal thank you, though. They don't need to go out of their way to personally thank everyone. We are having over 300 people at my wedding. I'm not personally thanking every single one.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Then it's your choice to be rude.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:503c8141-307c-4e2b-906a-8783cb1b227d">Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?: I had about 300 at my wedding and thanked them. The size of your guest list doesn't really matter when it come to being polite.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

But I don't think it's not polite if it isn't done. Maybe that's just me... I don't know, I've only been one wedding where a receiving line was done. Most people in my circle don't do them so no one at my wedding would think it was rude. In fact, I think some people would think it was strange if we did do it. Is this a regonal thing? They just are not very popular where I'm from. Also, I have only been to one catholic wedding and that was the one it was done at. All the other weddings were either jewish or non-religious and they weren't done. (No one cared).

MoonlightSilver

OP, you said you will be mingling at the cocktail hour. Why not just put in an extra effort to say hello and thank you to all your guests then? Especially if you don't like certain people, you can just give a quick, "Hello, we're on the way to grab some drinks but I wanted to say hi and thank you for coming." Then move on to the next group. Anyone who tries to keep you too long, you can just apologize but say you are needed elsewhere. 

banana468

In Response to Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?:Owning, I was offended at a friends wedding that I was not personally greeted by the bride or groom, or even the MOB. The bride spent the whole evening talking to her bridal party and ignored her guests. I felt like she didn't care that I took the day off the attend a Friday afternoon wedding and brought a gift.Posted by misssunshine17A thank you card is your personal thank you, though. They don't need to go out of their way to personally thank everyone. We are having over 300 people at my wedding. I'm notnbsp;personally thanking every single one. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Good luck with that. Please tell your guests that in advance so you can watch them talk about you.

That just wouldn't fly with my family. My parents and ILs would be telling me at the wedding that ignoring the guests wasn't appropriate and if we still ignored them, we'd arrive home to a posthoneymoon lecture.

Bad idea. Huge.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:b9a0f46e-3607-4a5f-b762-b73506b643f5">Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?: Good luck with that. Please tell your guests that in advance so you can watch them talk about you. That just wouldn't fly with my family. My parents and ILs would be telling me at the wedding that ignoring the guests wasn't appropriate and if we still ignored them, we'd arrive home to a posthoneymoon lecture. Bad idea. Huge.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I didn't say i would ignore them. I just said we aren't do a receiving line. There are other ways to talk to people and thank them without a receiving line.

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:a436587d-2a6d-4e26-b967-242db9569b2f">Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : But I don't think it's not polite if it isn't done. Maybe that's just me... I don't know, I've only been one wedding where a receiving line was done. Most people in my circle don't do them so no one at my wedding would think it was rude. In fact, I think some people would think it was strange if we did do it. Is this a regonal thing? They just are not very popular where I'm from. Also, I have only been to one catholic wedding and that was the one it was done at. All the other weddings were either jewish or non-religious and they weren't done. (No one cared).
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

I'm with you, but like I said, our opinion is not a popular one.
DH & I (and our circle of friends and family) could honestly care less if a Bride and Groom came to us personally. We're honored and grateful to be invited. I would certainly never feel "slighted" if a Bride and Groom didn't shake my hand and personally address me.

It really is a personal decision for OP & her FI, as only they know their guests.

lilphillips14

Easiest way to do it is by tables, I would think. That way you're personally tlaking -to- everyone, but not forced to talk -at- someone you don't like if you don't want to? You can go to the table and say 'Thank you all so much for coming.' Then, just try and find something nice to say to everyone, thank them again, and go on your merry way. It shouldn't take that long. Even if you have 200 guests, 8 to a table, that's only 25 tables...if you take 2 minutes to a table, that's less than an hour and you can have fun during it. People are sociable during a wedding, it'll go quickly, I think.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:b06ef237-4541-44c6-afee-f4312458a3c1">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : <strong>A thank you card is your personal thank you, though</strong>. They don't need to go out of their way to personally thank everyone. We are having over 300 people at my wedding. I'm not personally thanking every single one.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

No.  A thank you card is a thank you for a GIFT, not for attending a wedding.  I also had 300 guests and we personally greeted every last one of them during table visits.  I'd be seriously irritated to not be greeted by the B&G at all; I personally vastly prefer a table visit to a receiving line b/c that way I can visit with other guests and eat and drink while waiting for you to make your rounds rather than stand awkwardly, but you've gotta do something.

Seriously, you're planning on writing thank you notes which means you're expecting people to give you gifts (which they aren't obligated to do).  That means you think they should take time out of their day, possibly take time off work, drive or fly to you, and give you a gift and you don't have time to say "Hi, thanks for coming"??  I think you'd be very surprised to hear the inner most thoughts of your 300 guests who "won't care".

[Deleted User]

I'm in the boat that you need to do something. I would be pissed if I paid for a gift, transportation, lodging, possibly new attire and the B&G didn't even say hello to me personally. A thank you note wouldn't cut it. That would feel WAY like an afterthought.

To me, a receiving line is the quickest, least painful way to do it. People just kind of walk by and you just have to smile/shake hands/kiss each of them and say "thank you so much for being here!". Table visits take a bit more time and a bit more conversation.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:a1c4b0f7-b7c7-4e36-962c-5fab29bf4956">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : No.  A thank you card is a thank you for a GIFT, not for attending a wedding.  I also had 300 guests and we personally greeted every last one of them during table visits.  I'd be seriously irritated to not be greeted by the B&G at all; I personally vastly prefer a table visit to a receiving line b/c that way I can visit with other guests and eat and drink while waiting for you to make your rounds rather than stand awkwardly, but you've gotta do something. Seriously, you're planning on writing thank you notes which means you're expecting people to give you gifts (which they aren't obligated to do).  That means you think they should take time out of their day, possibly take time off work, drive or fly to you, and give you a gift and you don't have time to say "Hi, thanks for coming"??  I think you'd be very surprised to hear the inner most thoughts of your 300 guests who "won't care".
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

Even if someone doesn't bring a "gift", they will still get a thank you card. Plus, I don't want gifts anyway- it's not about that.

Maybe we will do table visits but receiving line is not happening. I find them super awkward and I don't have patience for them.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:20ca6225-c8e7-43ce-8707-231e65da3bf5">Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : I'm with you, but like I said, our opinion is not a popular one. DH & I (and our circle of friends and family) could honestly care less if a Bride and Groom came to us personally. We're honored and grateful to be invited. I would certainly never feel "slighted" if a Bride and Groom didn't shake my hand and personally address me. It really is a personal decision for OP & her FI, as only they know their guests.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

I guess we are in the minority. I don't know I don't go to weddings and analyze every little thing. I'm just happy to be invited. At the end of the day, they put the thought into inviting me, making sure my butt has a seat, my liver has booze and my stomach has a meal... can't really complain. It never crossed my mind to be personally thanked. Just having something think I'm important enough to share their day with them is fine by me.

Maggie0829

Ok, I am agreeing with both sides.

I think that not doing anything to greet your guests is rude.  The reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony but you should still try and say hello to all your guests throughout the reception.  Most guests realize that as the bride or the groom you are constantly being pulled in differen directions, so a quick "hi" and "thanks for coming it means so much" goes a long way and doesn't take very much time.

But I don't think that limits you to only a receiving line or table visits.

With OP, since she will be spending cocktail hour with her guests, this is the time where she can greet everyone and say hi and thanks.  I think if she tries her best to make it around the room and see everyone then she should be ok and really doesn't need to do either the receiving line or table visits.

Maybe OP and her FI could also do a quick "thank you for coming" speech at the beginning of their reception as well to help really hit it home that they are truly happy that everyone came out for the wedding.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:a8217576-7ad1-4172-9ffb-6376c2a25d05">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : <strong>Even if someone doesn't bring a "gift", they will still get a thank you card.</strong> Plus, I don't want gifts anyway- it's not about that. Maybe we will do table visits but receiving line is not happening. I find them super awkward and I don't have patience for them.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Don't do this.  If they didn't get you a gift then they shouldn't get a thank you card.  The thank you cards are for gifts only and if you send them to those who didn't get you a gift it will just seem gift grabby.

Also, receiving lines (if it is just you and your FI) don't last longer then 15 minutes, unless you have about 500 guests.

lilphillips14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:1daa9b9f-354a-4684-ac6d-5bb849284f3a">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I am agreeing with both sides. I think that not doing anything to greet your guests is rude.  The reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony but you should still try and say hello to all your guests throughout the reception.  Most guests realize that as the bride or the groom you are constantly being pulled in differen directions, so a quick "hi" and "thanks for coming it means so much" goes a long way and doesn't take very much time. But I don't think that limits you to only a receiving line or table visits. <strong>With OP, since she will be spending cocktail hour with her guests, this is the time where she can greet everyone and say hi and thanks.  I think if she tries her best to make it around the room and see everyone then she should be ok and really doesn't need to do either the receiving line or table visits. Maybe OP and her FI could also do a quick "thank you for coming" speech at the beginning of their reception as well to help really hit it home that they are truly happy that everyone came out for the wedding.</strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What Maggie said. As long as you do -something- AT the reception that shows you are truly grateful they all traveled from wherever they were and took time to come celebrate with you, I think the effort will be appreciated. Mingle, enjoy your guests, don't stay isloated with your H and BP all night, and say thank you..and people will notice.</div><div>
</div>

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-rude-not-to-have-a-receiving-line-at-all?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eb8c37f7-3476-4997-b4b2-6bda5594334fPost:31842753-2022-4407-b67c-a9be59610b5d">Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude not to have a receiving line at all? : Don't do this.  If they didn't get you a gift then they shouldn't get a thank you card.  The thank you cards are for gifts only and if you send them to those who didn't get you a gift it will just seem gift grabby. Also, receiving lines (if it is just you and your FI) don't last longer then 15 minutes, unless you have about 500 guests.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

So is there anything wrong with a thank you message in the programs? That's what we were planning to do. I always think that is nice.

i always think what I do is fine based on the weddings I have attended and then I come on here and everyone always disagrees. I don'r know if it's b/c we are a mixed bag all the over the country or what, but I thought that a program thank you was fine until I come here and everyone thinks I have to personally thank everyone.

Ahhh?!?! so what's right?