mother-in-law

hoshiku

I'm kind of worried about my future mother-in-law.  She has a lot of rules that I don't agree with (for instance she refused to meet me until after her son and I were engaged and even so I did not meet her for 5 weeks after I was engaged) and I find her incredably rude (she refuses to introduce herself to my parents and has announced that she may or may not be attending the tea I am throwing in order to introduce our parents, she also has refused to RSVP, she is pulling a similar stunt with the engagement party my parents are throwing).  There are several other incidents similar to the ones I've already listed and in addition we have incredably different beliefs (for instance she believes that no one should be allowed to drink alcohol and that the earth is 6,000 years old while I am working on an advanced science degree and have a glass of red wine every night with dinner).  I know that my fiancee and his mother don't get along very well but it's obvious that he loves her.  I'm worried that at some point I'm going to snap and let her have it from biting my tongue for so long.  Any advice on how I can work this situation without becoming Mt. Vesuvius?

MyNameIsNot

She actually believes the earth is 6,000 years old.  She deserves your sympathy. 

As far as the parties, don't worry about it.  If she shows, she shows.  If she doesn't, she looks like the jerk. 

ac_in_dc

Wow, you got a fun one...

I'd talk openly and honestly with your FI about your concerns. It sounds like he's very supportive of you though, which is good. As long as you guys are in agreement on how to deal with her, you're fine.

I'd limit my contact with her to a few times a year, keep conversations neutral, and don't take the bait if she tries to provoke you. If things get completely untenable, you and FI can always talk to a counselor about it to get helpful tips on how to deal with her (some friends of mine went to a few sessions for help specifically with difficult in-laws and it worked out very well). Hopefully you can just ignore her whenever you can, and take the high road when you have to deal with her.

Good luck.

(oh, and would you ask her if she thinks people ever rode dinsaurs like horses the next time you see her please?)

aMrsin09

If you are very lucky she won;t be paying for any of the wedding and won't need to be given any details, or give opinions on any details.  Plan your wedding with FI and send her an invitation.

FutureMrsTR

Are you engaged to my ex-boyfriend? 

Seriously though, you're just going to have to keep polite distance when you can and not engage her in conversations about things you know you'll get heated about. 

Like MyNameIsNot said, if she doesn't come to these parties it reflects badly on her, not you.

ohwhynot

Why would it bug YOU that your MIL believes different (goofy ass) things?  Unless she's actively, aggressively bad-mouthing you or causing you harm, none of the things you've listed really affect you one whit. 

If she doesn't RSVP or simply doesn't show, that's no reflection on you - let it roll off your back.  You don't have to like everyone and not everyone has to like you.  

hayleymajayley

I have a friend who thinks similarly about earth being however old.... and yes, he DOES think people used to ride dinosaurs. He's a really smart guy. Except for that.

cengle

I wish I could ride on a dinosaur.
That's all I have to contribute to this thread. Good luck with the crazy FMIL.

pristinedemon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec0310b0-dd2b-476c-b311-824a2023d97bPost:18d2f5ad-7c92-4631-9ecd-3482fe0d392c">Re: mother-in-law</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you engaged to my ex-boyfriend?
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Or mine? I dated my ex for almost a year and never met his parents. Weird.

Like some other PP's said, if she is going to be all weird and avoid meeting your parents and being involved in the joining of your two families, she's going to look like an ass, not you and not anyone else. Just take it in stride. My MIL is suuuuper passive-aggressive, so I just try to let her annoying idiosyncracies roll off my back. Hell, DH and I vent about his mom to each other all the time. At least it seems like your FI gets it, and isn't a mama's boy.