Help with asking my mother to slow down a little bit?

danielm18

I love my mother and really do want her help and her opinion on my wedding details, but I feel like she's rushing things a bit andthings aren't working aout quite the way I hoped. The problem is mostly in the decor. I have a rough idea what I want the ceremony/reception to look like and I told her to "keep an eye out" for some specific things and even showed her pictures so she had a clear idea of what I was wanting (or so I thought). In a just a week she'd already bought two things that weren't what I was wanting. 

I have over 10 months before my wedding so I'm willing to wait for items I really like and for things to go on sell. I've been telling not to worry and not to rush things, but really its in her presonality. I've tried dropping hints like telling her I would really appreciate pictures of things before she buys them, and if she seems something in a department store just to tell me and I can go pick it up. I'm trying to not be a bridezilla, but I'm on a tight budget and I just can't have her dropping hundreds of dollars on things I don't really like. 

Also we have very confilcting personalities, she's very showy and sassy (her self describtion) and I'm more calm and simple. She's trying to cater to my style, but I guess she doesn't have the feel for it or something

AdeleDazeem

I understand this problem.  My personal suggestion would be to pick something that you know she can do a good job with and that you aren't going to be super picky about.  For example, my sister gave her mother in law the job for part of the favors.  Her mother in law kept buying this and that for the wedding and it was driving her crazy to keep saying no and that she didn't like these things.  Instead she said she needed something specific for the favors.  The mother in law researched, looked around, and found something great. 

Focus!  Focus her desire to help you on one specific goal.

azdancer8

I second what Joy said. Find something specific she can help with. My sister had my mother pick the props for their photobooth. Mom was able to channel her enthusiasm into researching for that.

danielm18

That's a pretty good idea. I kinda worried I'm going to run out of specific things to tell her because she moves so fast. 

AdeleDazeem

Ha.  My mother in law spent weeks researching little silver buckets for my sister.  It was actually amazing.  Who knew you could spend so much time doing that?

When you run out of things to give her, then you run out.  "Thank you so much, Mom, for all your help!!  We've got it all from here.  Have you talked to Grandmom recently?"

Just remember she's doing it because she loves you.  That might become difficult at points, but hang in there!

achiduck

I like what the PPs have  suggested. If you thing she's going to burn through whatever you give her really quickly I'd try and think of a couple of things you can assign her. Or once she's done the first one tell her you'll "find something else for her" but that you need to take a few days and decide what is the next important thing to get done. Might buy you a bit of time.

danielm18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-with-asking-my-mother-to-slow-down-a-little-bit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecd51e8b-1e8b-473d-97ca-e5e67f49456aPost:74bd9e31-382f-4d6e-be0b-0ce5e87bd984">Re: Help with asking my mother to slow down a little bit?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha.  My mother in law spent weeks researching little silver buckets for my sister.  It was actually amazing.  Who knew you could spend so much time doing that? When you run out of things to give her, then you run out.  "Thank you so much, Mom, for all your help!!  We've got it all from here.  Have you talked to Grandmom recently?" Just remember she's doing it because she loves you.  That might become difficult at points, but hang in there!
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
lol That actually sounds like me. I'm giving away bulbs as my favor and spent 2 weeks researching differnet species of basically the same flower

Ajuliana

Have you looked on Pinterest to try and give her a visual idea of what you like?  Sometimes seeing an example is easier than just letting her go wild with how she interprets your words.

kelleywill

I agree with others suggestions. My mom was like that too i told her we set a date she set off to google and had idea after idea. I like the help but she wanted to start 15 months before the date ( this was back in the summer).  I had to give her links to things i liked and wanted to use and now shes slowly getting them. This may be a good thing to give your mom a list of links of what you want or need and she can contrubite as nessacey or when she thinks she needs too. 

Oh and just say if you get something run it by me so i can agree i like it and your FI can too before you have a pile of things you dont need/ want/ like.

danielm18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-with-asking-my-mother-to-slow-down-a-little-bit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ecd51e8b-1e8b-473d-97ca-e5e67f49456aPost:70f179b3-b352-4a41-bdf7-ef33afa1e8b1">Re: Help with asking my mother to slow down a little bit?</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you looked on Pinterest to try and give her a visual idea of what you like?  Sometimes seeing an example is easier than just letting her go wild with how she interprets your words.
Posted by Alaynajuliana[/QUOTE]
I have! I even tried to get her to bookmark my wedding page so she could find it again. She's not super good with computers though