Do I have to invite my mom's friends?

Arturabeth

My mom is very upset that I'm not inviting her friends to my wedding. I'm inviting a few that I am friends with, but some people I haven't seen in a very long time and I don't really know them. She said she want's these people there because they are like family to her and not much of her family is able to come to my wedding. My dad passed away almost four years ago and I think she's upset about being alone at my wedding.

The thing is, me and my fiance are paying for the whole wedding, and we need to keep it small. We are both students and on a budget. We don't want a big wedding, and our hall is very small. I can't invitite all my mom's friends!

What do I do?

laurenclaire1386

If you're paying for it, then you get the final say on the guestlist. If you're already inviting some her friends, then I think you're being fair. Just keep telling her it's not in your budget and don't discuss it further. Stick to your guns and be firm. In this situation, I'd be wary of telling her that if she wants to chip in, you can invite more of her friends, because if you take her money, then you're kind of obligated to consider her input. 

bonge

What is your definition of small?

We are paying for our almost all of our wedding ourselves but we asked our parents who they REALLY wanted there outside of family, both came back with their best friends for years. They made the list. 

How many friends does she want? How many people does it add?

You do NOT have to accomodate her but i would try if there was any way i could 

DelBride2012

Have to thought about telling her how much per head it's going to cost and asking her to pay for the guest list extension? I know there are reasons you might not want to, but if it would work, it might keep you both happy.

Kate61487

Since you're paying you get to decide.  I'd go with PPs suggestion of giving her a set number.

"mom, we have space for *15* of your family and friends; currently those seats are filled by these people __list__.  If you want these other friends to come I'm afraid you'll have to let us know who you want to cut from the list we currently have"   Make sure that anyone you feel *must* be there is not on that list, b/c you'd be giving her the right to cut them.

getaclue44

I gave my parents a set # too.  My dad requested a number and made my mom stick to it.  When she complained a few weeks ago about wanting to invite a few more he handed her the list and told her to take people off to make room to invite the extra few.  That shut her up completely.  I did see the pouty face, but I have learned to ignore it.

SparrowSong

The wedding of your daughter is a big deal. Try to look at things from her perspective too. If you can invite a few of her friends, it would be nice.

Arturabeth

Thanks for the sugestions! The think is, we already sent the invitations, so the people invited are invited. We can't tell them not to come. Our hall supposedly seats 140 people, but it looks much smaller than that. We don't want more that 120 people including the wedding party.

Elizabeth80

I definitely would not take back any of the invites since they have been sent. If you find that you have some declines I would look at inviting more of her friends if you desire to. As pp's stated you are paying for it so its your decision if you want to invite them.

We are paying for ours as well so I def get where you are with this. Good luck!

DanniLynn88

My mom's paying for most, we picked a guest list, she added. We had no say so because otherwise cost went on us. So if she's paying let me choose. If she is not paying and you are, maybe liimit who she invites but I'd still let her pick some if not all.