How to get over feeling like crap about your wedding? Slightly depressed.

megan8290

My DH and I have decided that the wedding day in reality really doesn't have to do about us. It's more a party for other people and being there please the family. This is kind of how we see it to not get too upset about other people ruining the most important part for us. (My mother single handed ruined my pre-ceremony emotions and my walk down the aisle)

I've tried to tell myself, woo hoo I'm married! But then the little voice asks, why didn't you just elope? You'd still be married without spending $$$.

All the people took their time and energy to come to the wedding, focus on the people that care.

The voice says, now I just feel more guilty of not being able to get over all the negative things that my mom did. 

I so wish I could focus on other ppl that matters on the wedding day, except I wasn't able to. So I feel guilty about that. Good thing is, no one noticed because we were all acting normal. 

I'm tired of whenever I think about the wedding I just feel like crap. It's suppose to be a wonderful memory and it's now filled with disgust. I also cant talk about this to anyone because I feel like I'd be letting these ppl down who tried so hard to make my day beautiful.

Here's the super long back story if you are curious: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_wedding-recap-lots-of-drama-xp

HockeyFan4

I can't believe I just read that whole thing in the other post.  Anyway, no one can tell you how to feel, but personally from what you typed, it didn't seem like an overly big deal on your wedding day. Yes mom's actions at the rehersal dinner were immature, and I am sure you would have loved her to feel more supportive on your wedding day, but as you said, you are married.  Let your mother's actions and Andrew's actions reflect on them and their lack of maturity. 

kikirst33

I agree with PP.

You shouldn't  have let the actions of others make you any less happy on your wedding day.   Yeah it sucked, but continuing to let it bother you is your decision.

Smile and move on.  Give you H a kiss and be happy that you're married.

Loopyseven

I agree, it sucks, but you need to move on.  It's the day you married your husband.  That's all that matters, not what anyone else said or did besides the two of you.

MrsGandthebeag

That is a really crappy situation.  I think you need to have a conversation with your mom about how much her actions upset you.  Even if nothing changes, at least you can get your feelings out.  She was being ridiculous.  As for your dh's friend, I wouldn't even let that bother you.  He sounds like a mooch.  The guy that gave him a ride is an adult, so he could've said no about giving the guy a ride, or he could've come back much earlier on his own.  This stuff is all out of your control and has nothing to do with the fact that you're married.  Try to focus on the positives.  

jennylee813

Agree with PPs. I know it's easier to say than do, but you need to move on. Focus on the fact that you have a wonderful husband, and build your life together. Try not to dwell on it because that gives your mom and Andrew all the power that they wanted.

Look at pictures of you and your groom. The rehearsal dinner and wedding were only two days of your life. All that really matters is that you were married at the end of the day. Everything else is gravy.

SunriseAmber

You've been PMED

DramaGeek

I think everyone has drama on their wedding day.  It's how you choose to respond to it that matters.  My h's grandmother called my MIL and me names and spread rumors about me at my wedding reception.  You know what?  I didn't care.  I still had a great time celebrating with those who were there to celebrate.

Unfortunately, that ship has sailed.  I'm sorry that you weren't able to ignore her on your wedding day.  Can you think back now to the parts of your wedding you did enjoy?  Surely there were great things - maybe a funny line the officiant said, the way your H looked at you during the vows, a friend or family member who you were so thrilled to see?  Focus on the things that did go right instead of the things that didn't.

AEPerpete

I think a good way to get past it would be to learn from it.

You can't go back and change it, but you can let go of your anger. Realize that your Mom is not to be trusted or relied on, and you need to make sure she doesn't get away with anything in the future, either by telling her no, or by not spending as much time with her.

You holding onto your anger is only bringing you down. Keep positive things and people around you in this difficult time.

As others have said, I'm sure in the future you will be able to look back and find the good in the wedding, and maybe even be happy you had one.

Julie2013

Some things take time. Dh and I eloped because our wedding plans were turning into a nightmare. We chose to do it that way, but still resent those involved who pushed us to that point. Time has taken the sting out of it, though. DH and I have made so many wonderful memories together that we won't let the one event overshadow them. I'm sure that will happen for you, too. Just give it some time.

Julie

MyUserName1

My wedding was a literal disaster.  rained out, power outage, we thought my FIL had a heart attack during the reception...and I could keep going on.  So, I know, it sucks and it's super disappointing that something you planned so hard for and spent so much money on was far from perfect

Just focus on the moments that were wonderful and were perfect.  It's hard, but just try to think about those instead of the schitty parts.

Kristin789

At the end of your other post, you asked for some advice. 
Well, there is a whole board for that, called WEDDING RECAP AND WITHDRAWAL.
Those girls are VERY helpful with real action steps to suggest.  Try there.

megan8290

Thank you all and you guys are all right. I know I have to get pass it and there's not really an answer to how. You are so right about that my mom is not to be trusted. This rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than this. I had go through a lot of therapy to go through things that she's done and forgive her. But my probelm is I keep trusting her and give her another chance. 

 *sigh* I went to pick up the rest of my presents in LA last weekend (driving from San Diego), I couldn't bare being in her presents for longer than 20 minutes. Afterwards, I cried all the way back to San Diego. It's a mixture of guilt leaving my mom and kind of hating her in the same time.

[Deleted User]

*hugs*

I read all of your other post as well and I can't believe how immature people can be. As pp said, think of the positive, don't dwell on the negative.