Extra guests for FIs parents

ZRex

So when doing FI's mom's guestlist, she kept saying that there are people that she needs to invite out of respect, but that will not come (because they are elderly and in South America).  FI told her that it is fine, but that if more than their allotted number of guests show up, that she and FFIL will be responsible for the additional cost.  She kept arguing that she KNOWS that they won't show, so she shouldn't have to give her word.

She then called my mom and asked for some extra guests.  My parents are going to give them the extra guests, but want to find a nice way of telling her that if she goes over the extra amount, she WILL be financially responsible.  

Is there any nice way to put this?  I just don't want there to be any confusion in this respect.  My parents are allowing them 57 guests, and I don't want them freaking out at ME if she hands them a list with 80.

danieliza1127

I think you all just need to tell your FMIL the number of guests she can invite, period.  Get the list from her and let her know that if you get any "no" responses, then you'll send invites out to other people on her list. 

You can tell her that she's responsible for any over her 57, but there's no way to enforce that if you really think she'll be difficult about it.

ZRex

Yeah, good point.  If she can't even give her word when she honestly believes they won't show, then there is no point in letting her invite more.

I'm just worried that if we hang onto the invites and she finds out that people haven't gotten them, she will start an epic battle. 

betrothed123

Your FI needs to tell her she gets 57 guests and that's final.  If she's hemming and hawing over telling you she'll pay for the extras, it'll be like pulling teeth to try and get money out of her when too many of her guests show up, and even then you probably will not get it.

ZRex

OK, agreed.  We just won't send the extras unless we get NOs.  If it's really that important to her to honor her relatives with invitations, then she should be willing to give her word.

Sidenote- cfaszews- I love your dog!  Is she a boxer?

sarabellam

Just so it is straight in my mind, are you the one with the FMIL who asks you patently offensive and racist questions based on your religion? Either way, I will echo what Dani said and tell her she's got X number of invitations to send to whomever she sees fit.

PsyDet 2155

I would juts ask FI to let your FIL's know a set number of guests they can invite.  It's not fair to let them invite more "out of respect."  You never know if they will come or not then it will be ackward to ask your FILs to cover the costs. 

Catwoman708

"I'm sorry, we cannot accommodate any more extra guests, due to space and budget".  Repeat as necessary. 

If you give her extra guests now, your will have to keep dealing with the issue.  If you tell her there is no chance of adding more guests, there is less room for error, misunderstanding, or awkward financial discussions later.

Added: Has the guest list already been made and numbers firmed up, or are you just now in the process of making the guest list and determining numbers?  I could see them asking for an extra guest or two in either case, but if they knew the numbers were already firm, it's a little unreasonable to keep asking.

ZRex

cfaszews- YES!  We're just waiting until I finish law school and we get a bigger place and we're going to get one.  I absolutely love boxers, they're so fun, good with other animals/kids, short hair, and i love the adorable underbite.

Sarabellum- YES.  I gave myself 24 hours to calm down from that one and then I let FI call and give her a talking to.  She called me and apologized, but she still tried to claim that "it was just an analogy."  I was really firm about it though, and I don't think it's going to happen again.  FI and I discussed it, and if she does anything like it again, we're just going to get up and leave, and repeat as often as necessary.

And thanks for the advice everyone.  I just talked to my mom and since we're going to be sending the invites, we will just make all the "honored people who will not attend" B-list and send out those invites once we get some NOs from the rest.