Inconsiderate or over-reacting??

blcooper916

My FI and I got engaged and set a date over 4 months ago.  My cousin just got engaged a few days ago and informed me that their date is going to be two weeks before my wedding.  Both weddings will be in the same town and we have quite a bit of family that lives out of town.  Is it just me or is this very inconsiderate and impolite?  Do I have a right to be upset or am I over-reacting?

stina93446

You're overreacting. You get one day....not a month. 

ExpatPumpkin

Although you do only get a day and not a month, I understand why you'd be upset...  This may cause relatives to have to choose between the two weddings due to the required travel.  I wouldn't have chosen a date so close to yours if I were your cousin.

But what's done is done.  Hopefully, out of towners will give your wedding dibs since you set your date first...

thesuninherhead

I vote the latter. You can't possibly accommodate every potential 'off limits' date for every person who might be on your guest list, and perhaps there was a reason that they chose this date that went far beyond you and your wedding. At worst, some of your out-of-town family will have to prioritise one wedding over another- and that is only if they live quite far away (how far are we talking?). It's not the end of the world nor something to feel slighted by.

dianenjnj

i don't think you are overreacting.  

hopefully you'll be able to send your invites early and beat her to the punch...also std's...

good luck to you.

BubbleJ

Both. It was inconsiderate of her to not consider that family will have to incurr the expense of 2 weddings in a short space of time and you are over reacting. She probably didn't do it to spite you, and if she did karma works well, she will probably trip on one of her ribbon wand carriers.

temerityjane

While you do get one day, that was a buttheaded thing of your cousin to do, seriously.

I mean, you can't go and throw a toddler-esque tantrum about it, but I don't blame you at all for being upset. Like Expat said, a lot of family members are going to have to choose, and frankly, that's just not fair.

Your date was set first. Assuming your cousin was aware of your date, and assuming your cousin was aware that a significant portion of your invite lists would overlap, then I think you have every right to be pretty darn miffed.

Nothing you can do about it, though, except try to make the best of it and hopefully, get your invites and save the dates out first.

temerityjane

But for those who say she's overreacting - I'm not trying to be a dillhole here - but she didn't say in the post that she's actually done anything. To me, the OP seems to be saying, "Am I overreacting by THINKING that my cousin was rude/inconsiderate." I definitely don't think that was an overreaction, because I don't think it can be argued - assuming her cousin was aware of the set date, her behavior certainly WAS rude/inconsiderate.

I think once we venture into my day/bridezilla/tantrum territory, THEN we have overreaction. However, just thinking that her cousin was rude/inconsiderate isn't really overreacting, I think. I mean, if my cousin gets engaged tomorrow and sets her date for 2 weeks before mine, I hope I'm entitled to a bit of a mental "That BIITCH!" behind a smile and "Congrats!" without being considered to be overreacting.

lyndausvi

Both.

There is nothing wrong with being disappointed and thinking it's inconsiderate.  I think it's a normal FIRST reaction.

If you act on those feelings such as talking about it to other family memebers, not being nice to your cousin,  just being pissy about her wedding in general.  Then you have a problem.

My advice.  Think of this post as your hissy fit and just move on.  Really it's the only thing you can do without looking all bridezilla.

fangsiting

It's definitely inconsiderate to your OOT family members.  Hopefully, they know you set your date first and if they are too far away for two trips will choose your wedding over her wedding.  Of course, there is nothing you can do about it except hope that an OOT family member talks to her about how inconvenient her date is.      

rainsfallsoftly

It's definitely inconsiderate of your out-of-town guests for her to expect them to travel twice in a month.  In a way, that makes her inconsiderate of you too because OOT guests might choose to go to hers over yours because it's first, and that's not fair because you booked before her.  Now, if there were no out of town guests or very few of them, it would be one of those situations that kind of sucks, but that you need to just deal with.

brookelynpaisley

It was inconsiderate of her. If I were you, I'd get your Save The Dates out as soon as appropriate (after making sure your guest list is FINALIZED) to let family know of your date.

sapphirebaby926

I think there is probably a reason that she decided to set the date she did. I was in this situation except we were the ones to set the date ahead of my cousin's wedding. DH and I set our date 2 weeks before my cousin's wedding but we chose that date because of my mother's declining health (she died 3 weeks after our wedding). My cousin thought I did it only to spite her and refused to attend my wedding because of it. It hurt that she couldn't understand that especially since they worked at the same company and talked and saw each other often.

banana468

Ditto Lynda 100%.