Wedding Etiquette Forum

Major office guest list dilemma. Help!

I know issues with the guest list and the office are quite common. However, my situation may be slightly different. Fiance & I met at our office, which is a very small one of about 20-25 ppl. It was big news around here when we got engaged--literally our Director called an emergency staff mtg to announce it. We try our best to keep private & professional lives as separate as possible, but in a small office where everyone knows everyone's business, it's difficult. Fiance just got a new job & will be starting in a few wks, thankfully! The problem is that literally everyone expects to be on the guest list. We’re planning a smaller (60ish ppl) out of town wedding at the beach in April. Since the office is so small, I don't feel that I can invite anyone without inviting everyone, and we can’t accommodate everyone so no one's getting an invite. When asked, we've started letting office ppl know of our plans for a smaller wedding just so they start to get the hint not to expect an invite. Here are a few examples of what we’re dealing with: one lady (who's a temp, no less!) told fiance the day she found out we were engaged that she was coming to our wedding whether she was invited or not. No idea if she joking, I hope so. Yesterday the receptionist asked if I had started making the guest list...obviously I knew what he was getting at, so I just said yes I had started the planning process & then walked off. Another asked what our wedding date & other plans were and when I answered she told me she’d mark her calendar. I hope she’s joking too. My boss is always asking about the details, she’s very excited about the whole thing. I try to be honest without oversharing and then talk about something else. The “mean lady” around here even alluded to fiancé about being at the wedding. The whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and I still have several months to live with it! My coworkers are all very nice people, but honestly I'm not close to them and rarely see them outside of work. They shouldn't be invited to a wedding of close family & friends. I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I fully anticipate it will. My question is how do I respond to people when they start digging for info? Do I act intentionally vague while still answering their question and let them find out when an invite doesn’t come in the mail, or come right out and say I don't think we can invite anyone from the office? Keep in mind either way, I’ll have to deal with the fallout at work. It's impossible to avoid the subject altogether, they're always asking. We thought by responding that we were having a small beach wedding 3 hrs away it would get the hint out. Guess it’s not that easy…help!

Re: Major office guest list dilemma. Help!

  • You sound like you're handling it well. Don't give details, definitely don't give times and locations for events, and when folks ask, just say that you're having a small family wedding. Even if they're not taking the hint about it being small, they may start to realize it when you say "family". Good luck!
  • edited October 2010
    Wow that was long. But somehow I made it all the way through. I must be really bored.

    I work with a small group of people as well. I think most people are just trying to make "friendly" conversation when they ask about your wedding. I talked almost weekly with my one co-worker about my wedding. I don't think she ever assumed she was getting an invite. I think as long as you've made it clear that it's a small destination with just family and close friends, your co-workers should understand. Just don't EVER say in any way that they are invited.

    Another thought, they might be interested in your date to get you and FI a small gift. Who knows.
  • Ditto others in that it does sound like you're doing your best.  Keep doing what you're doing about changing the subject, walking off,etc. Definitely start saying "it's a family occasion" or something similar with "family" in it.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • Sorry, when i typed it out i had it cut into paragraphs but it loaded all together. Guess it was too long!
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