No common sense

Hummingbird125

I lurk on this board every day, and have learned a lot of etiquette rules that I was unaware of before, but much of it just seems like common sense to me.

I have a friend on Facebook who I knew in high school a little bit (we weren't close at all, and I never saw her outside of school), and she's currently planning a wedding. I just saw a status update from her that says "If anyone has not received our Save the Date yet, please let me know". 

How many people do you think she's going to have to respond to with "Oh sorry, you're not invited."??

I'm totally tempted to message her to say I haven't received one yet....

mcda04

Respond with a link to The Knot.

lifeonthehill

I have posted silly things once or twice like "EEK! Wedding dress shopping!" but thats about it. I can't imagine saying something like that! I have 300 friends and only maybe.... 60 of them are invited!
My mom had a girl post a long status complaining about her 1 missing RSVP card and saying "you know who you are!" My thought was since YOU know who she is why not call her and ask rather than post on facebook? She has 600+ friends. She drives me up the wall.

TheBaysideBride

Hahaha that's crazy.
i kind of think you should.....

lyndausvi

::snort::     Silly girl

AddieCake

One of my former students posted this last week:

"OK, everyone, I need addresses for our April wedding, so inbox me!" I commented, "You do realize you just invited your ENTIRE FB list, right?" She replied, "They know who they are."  And I said, "Well, I hope nobody you don't want there sends you their address b/c that's going to be an awkward conversation." 

I secretly hope a bunch of people she has no intention of inviting inboxed her with their addresses. 

MrsMack10612

I'm pretty sure that I kept all wedding info off FB, with maybe the exception of changing my status to engaged.

I think things came up periodically when folks posted pics from the shower, but that was about it.

I did have one "eek" moment when a friend posted on my wall about getting the invitation and thinking it would cause a sh!tstorm, but it ended up being ok.

I did everything I could to keep it to a minimum, but I feel that way about most FB posts.  People who think they need to put every thought, feeling and issue on FB drive me out of my tree. FILTER PEOPLE!

fionahalliwell

A close family friend's daughter was a little too status-happy when she was getting married. I'm not on facebook anymore, but I was at the time, and I remember seeing her statuses (almost daily) and thinking, "oh, jeez...I really, truly hope everyone on her FB is invited to this wedding, because if not, it's gonna be awkward." She posted that often!

Another family friend did something similar, and I KNOW that not all of her friends were invited. 

I just don't get people and their post obsession. There's this girl my sister doesn't really like (remember, they ARE in high school, so this is legitimate teenage girl drama) who has this birthday party every year, and all night, the girls at the party spend the whole night posting photos online! It's tacky, IMO, and offensive. 

misshart00

One of my cousins posted the other day, 'make sure if you got a wedding invitation, you send the prestamped RSVP back. Stamps for 300 people is not cheap!' The wedding is march 23. I got the invitation feb 1. The RSVP deadline was feb. 8. And I realize 100 dollars could be a lot of money, but that's not that much in a whole wedding budget of 300 guests. And it was only 100 if every single person got their own RSVP card. Otherwise, I would say its about 150 stamps.

jennipea382

I know a couple girls who are basically documenting their wedding planning through FB. It's annoying and amusing at the same time. One of them posted a couple weeks ago something like "2 more months to get those RSVPs back to me!" She sent out her invitations around the same time I did and she's getting married about a month and a half to two months after me... so she seriously sent them out FOUR MONTHS before the wedding.

It's fun watching my friend plan her wedding right now too because everything is so against etiquette. I'm pretty lenient on most E related things (cash bars, dollar dances, other random things) but even I cringe at some of the things she's doing. Tiered reception probably being the biggest offender. Oh well, her wedding, not mine.

TheBaysideBride

Jenni - what is a tiered reception??

MrsMack10612

A tiered reception is when you invite group X to the ceremony and reception and group Y to only the reception or part of the recepiton, like just the dancing portion, but no dinner for group Y.

itzMS

Jenni...I can top you one...

A girl I'm FB friends with posted a status that she sent out her invites (this was in January) and her wedding is in September. Reason being? She wanted to know who amongst her "A" list was going to travel to Florida so she could invite more people from her "B" list.

Gawd people are just so tacky nowadays.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:3385ad08-e9dc-4d4d-99c5-78c354bd844e">Re: No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]Jenni...I can top you one... A girl I'm FB friends with posted a status that she sent out her invites (this was in January) and her wedding is in September. Reason being? She wanted to know who amongst her "A" list was going to travel to Florida so she could invite more people from her "B" list. Gawd people are just so tacky nowadays.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

<div>Holy isht. If I saw that and was one of the A-list invitees, I would RSVP with a yes and not show up. </div>

misshart00

In Response to Re:No common sense:[QUOTE]Jenni...I can top you one...A girl I'm FB friends with posted a status that she sent out her invites this was in January and her wedding is in September. Reason being? She wanted to know who amongst her "A" list was going to travel to Florida so she could invite more people from her "B" list.Gawd people are just so tacky nowadays. Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

Did she actually put on Facebook that she had a b list? That's above and beyond tacky.

courtski2004

People seriously have no clue. I posted this on the local DFW board a week or 2 ago with some examples of FB oversharing from one of our aquaintances:

-a facebook group was formed in which every friend she has was encouraged to send her their address for an invitation. My thought: that is a TON of people! What on earth happens if they all come! I'm sure they don't have an unlimited budget, so it just made me go 'hmmm'.
-Every detail of 'found the perfect venue', 'recommend your baker', 'does anyone know who does great wedding flowers', 'just picked up the bridesmaids dresses!', etc. had its own dedicated status, along with daily 'OMG, FI, I am SO lucky to be marrying you, I love you, can't wait for (insert # of days until the wedding) so I can be your wifey!. ::vom-worthy::
-When said invitation arrives (apparently my H sent her our address, because I wanted no part in this hot mess), there is an insert advising all guests of where they are registered (a total of 5 places. FIVE!), and in order to RSVP, you have to 'call or text'.
-On the exclusive facebook group, it was recently announced that a 6th registry is now available, but in all honesty, cash or visa cards would be PERFECT because they want to save for a honeymoon.
-Wedding goes from 10 AM until 2 PM, but lunch will not be served. ::headdesk:: 'Eat a big breakfast before you come, y'all!'
-My H text our regrets, and explained why we couldn't attend, and the response was something like 'oh, sorry you can't make it, but I'm sure you could do that anytime! We are only getting married once!' Um, what? I later told J that it is never necessary to give a reason why you're declining, especially since we're not close to these folks.
And last but not least,
-A mutual aquaintance posted on FB earlier today that she had ended her relationship with her FI. Bride comments on the post with 'OMG I'm so sorry to hear that! But you're still coming to my wedding, right?!'

In addition to that, she FB IM'ed J this past weekend inviting us to their joint bachelor/ette party saying "hey, since y'all aren't coming to the wedding, can you come to our joint b-party?" Uh, no.

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:554dcec9-12f6-4ce0-9154-6b32b9d94866">Re:No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No common sense: Did she actually put on Facebook that she had a b list? That's above and beyond tacky.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

The status was: "Just sent out my first round of wedding invites!"

People started commenting things like "Wow...kind of early..." etc

She responded in the comments with:

"Ya, but I need to know how many of my out of town guests can't make it so I can invite more local people"

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:69ce49e8-0f4c-400a-a2f2-cc9bf72d0981">Re: No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE] 'Eat a big breakfast before you come, y'all!' -
Posted by courtski2004[/QUOTE]
Was that actually on the invitation?

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:bb254bb3-67c2-47e1-ba90-97d1f88c19f7">Re: No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No common sense : Holy isht. If I saw that and was one of the A-list invitees, I would RSVP with a yes and not show up. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Bahahahahahaa!



And @ Courtski--that whole list was just awful.  The only time I've been tempted to FB wedding stuff is to look for vendors (since many of my local FB friends have been married before)... but even then, especially since most of these people are not invited, I just knew it wasn't a good idea at all.

courtski2004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:b333416b-4657-4946-bc0a-848025c66157">Re: No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No common sense : Was that actually on the invitation?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Nope, just on the FB 'group' she made for all the people whose addresses she needed.

Sierra524

That is insane! I dont post about my wedding on FB at all. I privately chat with a few girls who have recently got married or are also in the planning process, but never on my timeline. One of my friends just posted the other day on my timeline saying "I got your save the date!" I was kinda worried, but nobody said anything. I am not inviting many friends, and not inviting some family, so I try to avoid talking about it on FB.

MrsMack10612

That is just awful.  I don't understand how people think this stuff is ok.

StephJean83

Ugh! I hate FB posts on wedding planning. I just started but have kept stuff off of FB. I told my sister that she is to keep everything about my wedding off FB until the day of when she can post she is going to my wedding. I'm not inviting anyone from my dad's side of the family, so I don't want them to know that I'm getting married.

Amyzen83

I got irritated because I wanted to wait a few days before even announcing my engagement on FB, but my OWN mother and some close friends nearly gave it away, so I really had no choice but to update my relationship status and make the announcement, before someone actually had the chance steal my thunder and to keep the rumor mill at bay. With that said, I don't live my life on FB, but I do go on there regularly to check things and whatnot.
 
I have to say I've been pretty good about not mentioning any wedding planning details in any posts, except when I've been frustrated with vendor costs or very vague things like that, again it's rare that I do that. I have found that the private message board is great if the bride needs to communicate with the bridal party at once and doesn't have everyone's email.

On the other hand I know there are some women who only have their closest friends and family on their FB, and feel more connected that way. With that said, I can see how if they plan on inviting those people to their wedding, then they can post freely without worrying about hurt feelings.

jennipea382

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:5d45b8a5-8b52-4c46-9dd9-22c61b6a4130">Re:No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No common sense : The status was: "Just sent out my first round of wedding invites!" People started commenting things like "Wow...kind of early..." etc She responded in the comments with: "Ya, but I need to know how many of my out of town guests can't make it so I can invite more local people"
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

Whaaat?! That's insane! If I were to do something like that, I'd never post it on FB. How nice would that be to get your invitation closer to the wedding and know you weren't important enough to get one before? Not to mention... sending them 6 months before the wedding?!

jennipea382

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:47078660-e7d2-432d-9c77-7aa120b26de9">Re: No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]Jenni - what is a tiered reception??
Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

Someone covered it, but she is inviting some people to the whole thing (ceremony, dinner, dance) and some to just the dance afterwards (no dinner). I thought she may have mentioned inviting some to the whole reception and not the ceremony, but I could be wrong. I would think inviting people to dinner but not the ceremony (assuming there's room in both spaces) would defeat the "purpose" of doing this.

This couple also kicked someone out of their wedding party (they did know it was a "friendship ending move" and I wasn't 100% sure of the whole story, but I think it was only partially justified). They then were trying to decide what to do about the BMs. I told them it didn't matter if things were even. It ended up working out because a BM decided she couldn't afford the dress anyways (not expensive, she just doesn't have the money), so she stepped down to be a personal attendant.

aquari0216

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:b2477c4d-a601-426b-b406-aef9e79c2daf">No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]I lurk on this board every day, and have learned a lot of etiquette rules that I was unaware of before, but much of it just seems like common sense to me. I have a friend on Facebook who I knew in high school a little bit (we weren't close at all, and I never saw her outside of school), and she's currently planning a wedding. I just saw a status update from her that says "If anyone has not received our Save the Date yet, please let me know".  How many people do you think she's going to have to respond to with "Oh sorry, you're not invited."?? I'm totally tempted to message her to say I haven't received one yet....
Posted by Hummingbird125[/QUOTE]

LOL....SHE MAY SEND YOU AN INVITEE....MAYBE SHE HAS IT LIKE THAT

Amyzen83

Going back to the tiered reception idea, I have heard of people being invited the reception but not the ceremony - granted it's the ENTIRE reception not just the dancing part (That's just messed up!) But there depending on the couple's religion and ceremony choice, sometimes they are unable to have everybody at the ceremony part because only people with that faith are allowed into the church building. I believe this is true of the Mormon faith and possibly Jahova's Witnesses. In these cases, I can understand having a large reception to include all of your friends and loved ones, because they want to include them. I wouldn't get mad if I had a friend like that, because I'd understand their circumstance.

Thoughts? Is this against etiquette??

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-common-sense?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee2e076f-f685-4f7a-8315-7bcc2da02a2bPost:f9732c93-3ed5-42dd-a1bf-adbd1eca0db0">Re: No common sense</a>:
[QUOTE]Going back to the tiered reception idea, I have heard of people being invited the reception but not the ceremony - granted it's the ENTIRE reception not just the dancing part (That's just messed up!) But there depending on the couple's religion and ceremony choice, sometimes they are unable to have everybody at the ceremony part because only people with that faith are allowed into the church building. I believe this is true of the Mormon faith and possibly Jahova's Witnesses. In these cases, I can understand having a large reception to include all of your friends and loved ones, because they want to include them. I wouldn't get mad if I had a friend like that, because I'd understand their circumstance. Thoughts? Is this against etiquette??
Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]

<div>If it's a religious thing, no, it's not against etiquette. Also, some people have PRIVATE ceremonies (like just immediate family, say 10 or 15 people at most), and then invite more people to the reception, which is also ok. </div>

Amyzen83

Thank you AddieL73 for clearing that up!

CLI242009

I know this was posted in another forum but like you said common sense is slowly going out the window with some people.

The post I'm talking about is the "You're Not Invited" Notice/Trend topic that was posted a bit ago. xD I text my friend about it 9she's my MoH) and she stared at her phone and said "WTF?!?! Is she thinking of doing this!??!?!?!?" LMAO