Question about Bridesmaids

beckye917

Hello all,

I wanted to get some advice on how to handle this situation without offending anyone.  One of my bridesmaids recently told me that she will have to back out of the wedding party because she just found out she is pregnant and due a week after my wedding.  I told her she was more than welcome to stay in the party, but totally understood how she felt (I don't think I'd want to worry about bridesmaid duties that far into my pregnancy either!).  Since she has told me for sure that she will be backing out, I would like to ask someone else to be a bridesmaid.  This is someone who I didn't know as well when I originally asked people to be in my wedding party, but have now gotten to know better and am good friends with.  How do I ask her to be in the bridal party without making her feel like she's second string?  Is it even possible?

Thanks for your help!

MyNameIsNot

I don't think it is possible.  If you'd really wanted this other girl, you would have asked her regardless of the pregnant chick backing out.  But to now turn around and ask her after the pregnant chick backed out makes her look like an understudy.  

I'd leave it as is.  

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eeb8d8bd-510b-4fe6-bab2-0a3d15a73917Post:94184aa6-27f8-4606-96fd-15dae0b9bf28">Question about Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all, I wanted to get some advice on how to handle this situation without offending anyone.  One of my bridesmaids recently told me that she will have to back out of the wedding party because she just found out she is pregnant and due a week after my wedding.  I told her she was more than welcome to stay in the party, but totally understood how she felt <strong>(I don't think I'd want to worry about bridesmaid duties that far into my pregnancy either!).</strong>  Since she has told me for sure that she will be backing out, I would like to ask someone else to be a bridesmaid.  This is someone who I didn't know as well when I originally asked people to be in my wedding party, but have now gotten to know better and am good friends with.  <strong>How do I ask her to be in the bridal party without making her feel like she's second string?  Is it even possible?</strong> Thanks for your help!
Posted by beckye917[/QUOTE]

It isn't possible because the replacement BM is second-string.

So don't replace her. Even sides don't mean anything. Also, is the real reason the original BM is backing out because she can't fulfill her "duties"? What duties are these? I don't see why the BM can't stay a BM and if she's able to make it to the wedding (since she could go into labour) then great, and if not, you'll miss her. I don't see why it's such a big deal to need to know right away if she can make it or not.

redheadfsu

Have the original BM be an honorary BM - if she isn't sure she can even attend the wedding.

But whatever you do, please do not ask your other friend to fill her "empty" spot. She will feel like second string, because she is second string in this situation.

[Deleted User]

Just leave it as is. There is no nice way to ask her without her feeling like second string. If she was that important to be by you on your wedding, you would of asked her in the first place, right?

squirrly

You can't, really.  You CAN ask your new friend to do a reading, though.  And, I concur on the honorary bridesmaid part.  If she's able to attend, just save her a really good seat, and I'd still do flowers for her.  If she's in the hospital or at home with the baby by then, perhaps somebody can take the flowers to her. 

lalap69

There's no way to keep your friend from feeling second-string in this situation because she would be second string.  Otherwise you wouldn't have waited until you had an "opening" to ask her.  Just keep your BP as it is.  Uneven sides are completely okay.

tpender13

I actually agree w/pharmacy. And not just because she's got some seriously cute puppies. You know your friend better than we do, and if you don't think she would be offended, you could ask her. Just be careful how you say it.