Hosting A Bridal Shower

fancyfancy1234

Hi Ladies,

I am MOH in my best friend's wedding next spring.  I'd like to host a shower for her.  I'm aware that the only responsibilities of the bridesmaids (and MOH) is to get a dress and be at the wedding.  I am choosing to host a shower.

My question is, do I ask the other girls in the wedding party if they would like to host with me?  I am only close to one of them, and I don't want to be rude and assume they are all able to/want to help host, but I also want to give them the opportunity to co-host if they'd like to.  Also, knowing if they'll be helping pay for it will help with the planning as it will seriously affect the budget.  

At this point i've worked with the other girls, the bride, and the bride's mother to figure out a date that would work for everyone.  Now that we have the date, I would like to continue with the rest of the planning.  I'm just unsure of what my next move should be with the other girls.  "Hey, so are you guys going to help me pay for/plan this?" obviously sounds rude to me (even when I try and phrase it in a much nicer way!). However, I don't want to just go ahead and plan something on my budget and then have them be upset later that they weren't included.

Anyone else ever in a situation like this?  Thoughts on how to tactfully figure this out?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Meegles4

If you had just come up with this on your own just now, I could see sending an e-mail out to your fellow BMs and saying "hey, I was thinking of hosting a shower for Bride, just curious if anyone else was thinking of this too and we should team up" or something like that.

But, since it sounds like you've already mentioned your plans to the other BMs, I'd let it go unless one of them approaches you and says they want to help.

Maggie0829

I would just ask who would be willing to contribute to the bridal shower and/or who would like to be involved in the planning.  And if they would like to be involved what would their budget be for the event.

Sometimes with things you just have to be blunt about what you are asking, if you aren't they may just get the idea that they will help plan it but you are the one hosting/paying for it.

arendiva

i wouldn't say anything. if youhave already talked to them about the date than they obviously know that you are planning a bridal shower. if they were interested in helping pay/plan they would have been like "hey fancy, I'd love to help you co-host, can I get in on this bridal shower action?" and you'd have been like "sure I'd love help." and they would already be helping you. Their silence tells you that they aren't interested in contributing.

pegasuskat

I don't agree that their silence means they don't want to, maybe they do but are afraid of offending YOU, maybe they think you want to do it on your own.  I would just do a simple email that says now that we have came up with a date I wanted to ask who is willing/able/wants to help with planning and hosting the shower.  Leave it casual and if they get back to you great, if not that shouldn't offend anybody.

jessicabessica

I wouldn't read too much into their silence.  I don't know how you come off IRL, but I could see a situation where the others wouldn't want to step on your toes.  I would say something low-pressure like, "It's totally fine either way, but I just wanted to know if anyone was interested in contributing ideas and/or funds toward Susie's shower.  If you want to help out with this, let me know, and if not, I look forward to seeing you there!"

fancyfancy1234

Thanks for the advice, Ladies!

I wen't back and read my origional emails re: the date and sort of worded it as "hey, I was thinking it might be a good idea to start planning Bride's shower, here are some dates that work for her, let me know if any work for you, once we have a date we can start planning ideas/themes/etc....

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I said "we can start planning", I really SHOULDNT have assumed that they would be planning (and/or hosting).  I really need to re-read emails before I click send (sigh).

Anyway, I hear everyone.  I'm certianly not going to assume that anyone wants to help. I just didn't know if it would be totally rude to write and say something like "I wanted to check in with you all to see if any of you ladies would like to team up and co-host with me (I realized from my last email that I was assuming you all wanted to host, which I shouldn't have done!). We'd be respectful of time and budget... Please let me know if youre interested..."

Either way, i'll figure it out.  I just don't want to offend any one (by assuming they wanted to be included, or assuming they didn't want to be included), and get off on the wrong foot.

 

SKPM

In Response to Re:Hosting A Bridal Shower:[QUOTE]I wouldn't read too much into their silence. I don't know how you come off IRL, but I could see a situation where the others wouldn't want to step on your toes. I would say something lowpressure like, "It's totally fine either way, but I just wanted to know if anyone was interested in contributing ideas and/or funds toward Susie's shower. If you want to help out with this, let me know, and if not, I look forward to seeing you there!" Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
I like this wording a lot. Be clear without assuming one way or the other.

lyndausvi

When I was a MOH I asked each BM individually if they wanted to help.  I told them there was no pressure. If they wanted to help just contribute what they could afford (monetary or time.)

My sister had 8 BMs.  Myself and her SIL did most of the planning and contributed the most, The other BMs gave what they could.  One bought the cake, another made favors, another spent an evening addressing envelopes, others gave me cash.   One was OOT and just gave to a joint gift.

It was all good for me.  Any help was better than no help.   I gave everyone credit as hosts (my sister didn't need to know who contributed the most, we don't work that way).