"and guest" and response card

rb1734a

My boyfriend (who I live with) was invited to the wedding of a close friend.  BF received an invitation to their wedding in the mail, and thinks that it said "Mr. ____ and Guest" but can't remember (I'm sure it did) and has thrown away the outter envelope.  The response card simply says "M________________" with three entree choices.

He is wondering what to do.  He said "oh I'll just call the groom and ask."  I told him this is rude and can put someone on the spot for an answer they may not have been prepared to give (which totally makes sense).  Personally, it doesn't matter a great deal to me if I attend this wedding or not (it would require me taking time off of work when things are busy).

I told him he should go to the wedding solo, and enjoy the time with his two other close guy friends who he doesn't often get to see.  That way, no issue with the invite, and he can spend time with friends he doesn't often see.

Thoughts?

CassieeK

I don't think it's rude to call and ask.

StacyJenniges

i guess it depends on if he really wants you to be there, if he does I think it's just fine for him to call and ask, but since you seem to really not care, and if he really doesn't care then I'd say just don't go. 

My fiance didn't want to go to one of my friends weddings, so I said that was fine that he didn't go, turned out that my other friends' boyfriends and husbands didn't come either so he would have been so board with all of us girls.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's not rude to call and ask. If they did NOT put you on the invitation, that's their etiquette faux pas. If they did, they won't mind say, "duh, of course." FWIW, most response cards have M___________ for name, regardless of who is invited.

MyNameIsNot

There's nothing wrong with calling and asking.

Since you live together, etiquette requires that you be invited, by name (not as & guest).  If they did exclude you, that is their faux pas.

But still, if he calls, he can just say "Oops, I accidently threw away the envelope without looking.  Was Sarah invited or am I on my own?"  That way, he isn't accusing or putting them on the spot.  

rb1734a

I do realize that etiquette dicates that I be invited, and by name (which they know--we've met multiple times).  I told him to take another friend, since "and guest' isn't very specific

MyNameIsNot

It sounds like you just don't want to go.  It's an invitation, not a subpoena.

CassieeK

You told him to take someone else?  That seems weird to me.

tenofcups4me

I don't think it's rude to ask. But it sounds like you don't want to go so I don't see the point of asking. He can just respond for himself if you're not going and then there's no need to ask anything.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f05da381-86fb-4a84-a5c2-8550ee725a10Post:9e0e9722-5a59-44b6-94c4-dfaffe59a209">Re: "and guest" and response card</a>:
[QUOTE]You told him to take someone else?  That seems weird to me.
Posted by CassieeK[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think so.  If it actually says "& guest" it means he can bring whomever he wants.  His girlfriend, his girl on the side, a buddy, a relative, or the guy he met on the subway en route.  it's his guest, his choice.  </div>

CassieeK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-response-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f05da381-86fb-4a84-a5c2-8550ee725a10Post:79c78267-dee3-44de-8fb4-3d3a0696e10d">Re: "and guest" and response card</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "and guest" and response card : I don't think so.  If it actually says "& guest" it means he can bring whomever he wants.  His girlfriend, his girl on the side, a buddy, a relative, or the guy he met on the subway en route.  it's his guest, his choice.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>In that case, I wish he'd take ME because I love to be anywhere there's cake!</div>

rb1734a

lol @Cassieek!  I'm with you on the cake! 

I was being sarcastic, I don't really think he should take someone else.  The point is, yes, I'd be happy to celebrate their marriage with them, but no we are not good friends, and I would never want to put someone on the spot by having him ask if I was invited (because I know how guys are, and I know he'd say "yes of course" without thinking, even if the intention was never to invite my bf with a guest). 

They may have committed a faux paus by not inviting me by name, which happens and isn't a show-stopper, but I see enough posts from brides who get asked about additional guests that weren't invited that I don't want to do that to someone!