Wedding Etiquette Forum

Awkward Moment--Did i handle it okay/right for future reference? (Slightly long)

I thought about posting this with students but I think you ladies might be of better help.

I've been back at college two days and today I bumped into a girl from my high school with whom I used to be close friends. It's a rather long complicated story, but the basic's is that even though we've known each other our whole lives and were in the same circle of friends in high school once we came to University we just went our separate ways as sometimes happens in life. 

Now, pretty much everybody know's that my fiance and I are engaged and since she and I had not talked more than "hey" passsing each other crossing campus I had a suspicion that she would bring up the engagement (particularly since I was the single friend in high school who never saw themselves getting married!). I did not bring up anything about the engagement or the very tentative wedding planning that is happening, she did. She said this to me: "Soooo. When is the wedding and when can i expect my invitation?!"

In my head all I could think was "oh gosh this is awkward." I am not planning to invite her nor anyone from that group of friends (we all kind of just went our separate ways, plus even if i wanted to i'm pretty sure my budget won't fit all 10 of them). I didn't know what to say so I said this: "We haven't settled on anything it's so far out yet, plus it's probably going to be really small either way." I was basically trying to divert her thoughts away from her being invited to something else. It worked but only because a minute later her cell phone went off. 

I really just need to hear if this was an okay response, I was pretty panicked for a good answer. And I would to love hear thoughts on other ways to handle this situation since I'll either see her again, the other girl from that group of old friends who goes here and I have known my whole life, or some other old friends I don't want to invite or can't due to budget.

Also, thanks for reading this I know it's slightly long-winded but I really need the advice!!
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Awkward Moment--Did i handle it okay/right for future reference? (Slightly long)

  • I think you handled it very well.
  • Awkward.

    I think that response was fine, too.

    image
  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    you did well.  as plans do firm up it's unrealistic to keep saying "oh we don't know" so as the time comes closer you can answer specific questions like "when's the big day?" and then just try to end the wedding talk quickly.  i.e. "When's the big day and when can I expect my invitation?"  "Oh we're getting married April 25th, but it's going to be a small wedding, pretty much family only.  How are your classes going this semester?"

    Good luck!

    *ETA: I wasn't thinking about the long engagement.  For now you could even just answer "Oh not til 2014, so we're not even really thinking about it yet"
  • Couldn't have said it better myself. 
  • You did great!
    image
    Anniversary
  • Wait, you aren't getting married for like 3 years though? I would have just told her I was waiting until I/we graduate (I assume this is the reason for the lengthy engagement?) and made zero plans. No one can argue with that (cause I'm sure you will run into her again). Just tell her with so long to go you aren't even thinking wedding yet. 
    September 2012 Siggy Challenge: Wedding Preview!
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker

    122image 110image 12image
  • Perfect!  And your wedding is far enough away, that line will work for a while, good job!  (it works for me too!)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You did fine! Short and to the point response is a good way to go!
    Anniversary
  • Great response! That's almost exactly what I've been saying myself.

    Whenever I speak with someone that is angling for an inviation I usually just say, " We're thinking about August, something tiny with our families. How are things going with you?"  The response I usually get is "That's smart. I wish I'd had a family only wedding, can't wait to see the pictures!"


    No one has ever seemed hurt not to be invited and it's never been an awkward conversation.

  • I agree with PPs. Good job!
  • Great response. I've had some sorta friends ask about being invited. One is a girl that I rarely ever see and she's a bit of a drama queen. If we never hang out and we don't consider each other friends, why would I invite her? But I was downtown and ran into her, we talked for a bit, and she asked if she was invited. I told her the guest list wasn't finalized yet so I had no idea. She's a sorority sister so that's the only reason I would invite her.

    Where do people get the idea they can just ask for invitations? Especially someone that never really talks to you. It's weird.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    March 2013 March siggy challenge - wedding preview
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Follow Me on Pinterest
    Planning Bio
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-moment-did-handle-okayright-future-reference-slightly-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f07bab6b-091d-4f2c-bd04-8d2e1e97e2b3Post:ad56ac16-399e-471e-b86c-bb1605796451">Re: Awkward Moment--Did i handle it okay/right for future reference? (Slightly long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Great response! That's almost exactly what I've been saying myself. Whenever I speak with someone that is angling for an inviation I usually just say, " We're thinking about August, something tiny with our families. How are things going with you?"  The response I usually get is "That's smart. I wish I'd had a family only wedding, can't wait to see the pictures!" No one has ever seemed hurt not to be invited and it's never been an awkward conversation.
    Posted by JennyB0825[/QUOTE]

    This is what I often hear, most people are very understanding.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • edited January 2012
    I would have said something similar.  Using the "small wedding" line is usually enough of a hint to divert their expectations but not in a rude way.  I'm also a student...my fiance and I are waiting til I finish my undergrad so at least one of us is finished school. 
     If people wonder about the small wedding I talk about all the school debt I'm looking forward to paying off as we get out life started.  If she hasn't planned a wedding she doesn't understand how quickly cost adds up and the cheapest way to have a nice wedding is the "quality over quanitiy" approach which means limiting your guest list.  You're right to only be inviting people who are current in your life.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thank you everyone for the feedback! I really needed it :)

    Also thank you to those who made suggestions for what to do if and when it does happen again. The only issue it's not just a "family only" wedding, i'll have my other high school friends there (ones that actually stayed in contact with me) and the town i'm from is small so if i lied about that they would find out. I know it's silly to be worried about something so stupid but I don't want to cause potential drama.

    But anyways. Thank you again! I'll be keeping all suggestions in mind :) 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards