Seating arrangements for mystery +1s

SpartanCat

Hey guys,

I have an etiquette question. I'm nowhere near this point yet but I thought about it and wondered what the proper route would be. If you invite a friend and a +1 and they RSVP back for two people but don't put the +1s name, what do you put on their little card that tells them where they sit? Sorry, I don't know all the proper names for things.
Thanks. Just curious.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I contacted anyone who RSVPed with "guest" and asked the name of the person they were bringing.

We delivered our decorations to the venue about 3 days before the wedding. I did the escort cards the weekend before the wedding. They should know by then who they are bringing (or if they are bringing someone).

SpartanCat

That make sense. Thanks!

ahhhitsshannyn

Once it gets to the time you are making the seating cards I would call and ask them. Probably 2-3 weeks before the wedding would be a good time, they should know by then I am sure.

SpartanCat

Sounds good. If you want to be ahead of the game, is it bad form to create a seating chart assuming 100% attendence and then adjust as you receive RSVPs? I feel like that would lessen a lot of the stress in the last couple weeks before the big day.

ahhhitsshannyn

I think you can do your seating chart any way you want. It was easier for me to just do it as people confirmed so I didn't have to subtract people and switch the tables and crap.

runpipparun

Dude, I totally went to a wedding where the table card thing says "Dave Johnson and Guest Johnson" (names changed, obvs). And Dave's guest was nowhere in sight. So apparently Dave RSVP'd hoping he'd find a date, and failed to accomplish his goal. But if he'd managed to get one, imagine how horrified she would have been to be "Guest Johnson."

SpartanCat

Gotcha. Okeydokey, thanks everyone!

Kate61487

you definitely CAN start your seating arrangement as soon as you want, but re-working it 200 times will probably be way more frustrating than if you just sit down and knock it out in one fell swoop after all the RSVPs are in.

I grouped my guests by families / who knew who.  Like I had a list of "mom's friends", "the Jones Family", "H's college friends" etc.  then after the full count was in it was really easy; if a group had 8-10 people presto there's a table.  Then the groups over 10 and the groups under 10 were matched up to make even rounds.  You can start forming groups like that right away, but I wouldn't try making the numbers work until you've got the RSVPs.

hoffse

This is a good question, and I've wondered the same thing.

Can you do escort cards by party?  so the "Joe Brown party of 3 at table A" and the "Judy Smith party of 4 at table B?"

[Deleted User]

what about this?
Add an extra chair at the table where Joe Brown and mystery guest will seat
Have a Joe Brown escort card
Common sense for Joe Brown's mystery date to sit at same table
This way you don't have to have the hassle of calling and emailing guest who don't list the names of their +1s

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:83937c22-77cc-4da4-bad2-85601bcec248">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]what about this? Add an extra chair at the table where Joe Brown and mystery guest will seat Have a Joe Brown escort card Common sense for Joe Brown's mystery date to sit at same table This way you don't have to have the hassle of calling and emailing guest who don't list the names of their +1s
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

Ugh, the hassle of calling a human and asking them a basic question. Yeah, that sounds positively terrible.

I think finding out the guest's name is the gracious thing to do and would make the guest feel very welcome.

hoffse

I'm wondering more for space considerations - we're looking at around 250 people attending.  Wouldn't it be easier for people to find their table if we group them by family?  Or is that too rude?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:9b4b49ca-837d-4a91-8987-1a05c2a24966">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s : Ugh, the hassle of calling a human and asking them a basic question. Yeah, that sounds positively terrible. I think finding out the guest's name is the gracious thing to do and would make the guest feel very welcome.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Just a suggestion, lol ...  apparently not a well received one.
I guess if the guest list is kind of high, that can roll into a lot of phone calls.  Compound that with other wedding planning tasks, work, and life in general, it starts to get overwhelming.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:788d678f-59bc-4ba8-ad10-f0db3b13d3e5">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s : Just a suggestion, lol ...  apparently not a well received one. I guess if the guest list is kind of high, that can roll into a lot of phone calls.  Compound that with other wedding planning tasks, work, and life in general, it starts to get overwhelming.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

I get that, and in an ideal world most invitees would write their guest's name on the RSVP slip, but if they don't I really think you should call. Most escort cards I've seen have both names written on it.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:c3accd58-e52e-4c40-ba78-99f35b8656cd">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm wondering more for space considerations - we're looking at around 250 people attending.  Wouldn't it be easier for people to find their table if we group them by family?  Or is that too rude?
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

You definitely CAN do this, but then you have couples with different last names and the question of where to alphabetize them, several Smith families (seeing as how most of your guest list will be related), etc.  Plus I think kids get a kick out of seeing their name on an escort card, so there's that.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:8a512f03-f3a9-44fe-ac40-1cc9aa48f9ea">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s : You definitely CAN do this, but then you have couples with different last names and the question of where to alphabetize them, several Smith families (seeing as how most of your guest list will be related), etc.  Plus I think kids get a kick out of seeing their name on an escort card, so there's that.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>Ok thats a valid point about alphabetizing...  this is going to be an issue for us in the future, I'm pretty sure</div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:88b7751e-b4cc-484c-82b7-4965ad609780">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s : Ok thats a valid point about alphabetizing...  this is going to be an issue for us in the future, I'm pretty sure
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

I've definitely seen couples escort cards, so people absolutely do it; I think it just comes down to your specific guest list and which seems easier.  For us it just seemed easier to give everyone their own.  It was a nice way to double check, also, that we didn't accidently have 11 people down for a 10 person table. 

If you do put couples/families on one card just make sure you indicate it fully.  Don't put "Jim Brown" and assume his wife and children will know that means them too (they'll probably figure it out, but be confused or nervous until the rest of the table fills up that they weren't counted or something).  Either "The Jim Brown Family" or "Jim, Sally, Billy and Suzie Brown" will work just fine.

OwningAHome1981

Nothing wrong with ms owningahome and guest though you don't have to know the name to do escort cards. I see "and guest" a lot.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-arrangements-for-mystery-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f19730a9-f35f-4698-893c-348282e5a9efPost:83937c22-77cc-4da4-bad2-85601bcec248">Re: Seating arrangements for mystery +1s</a>:
[QUOTE]what about this? Add an extra chair at the table where Joe Brown and mystery guest will seat Have a Joe Brown escort card Common sense for Joe Brown's mystery date to sit at same table This way you don't have to have the hassle of calling and emailing guest who don't list the names of their +1s
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]
Another vote for calling (or emailing, FBing, or whatever) to find out names. We went to a wedding for a college friend of FI, where I had met the groom once and the bride never. I really appreciated them putting my name on my own card. Plus, when they came around to do table visits, they said, "Oh, you're SKPM right? Great to meet you!" It really made me feel wanted and included, as opposed to just "FI's date".

ajmom2two

I think it would be best to call and get the guests name.  That's what we have had to do, as well as giving every guest an individual card, including the children who will be sitting at a separate table from the adults.  We are waiting on 3 people to let us know who their guest will be bc they don know yet.  I have everyone else's escort cards done except these 3.  I will just do them the week of the wedding or whenever I find out the name.  I think putting "guest" in any form on the card would make the guest feel pretty unwelcome but that's just my opinion.  As for the seating chart I would wait until you have most if not all your RSVPs back.  I did mine pretty similar to how Kate suggested above.  I put all the attending guests names onto little sticky no flags.  I then grouped them into groups of 8 based on families and who knows who and then separated them into tables.  It was actually much easier than I thought it would be, but we have under 120 guests.