NWR: Do I have a say in this?

Sharpschruter22

Due to housing limitations our sweetheart of a cat is living with my fiance's friends until we get married in 6 months. My fiance had been renting a room out of their house until recently when he moved to a different state for a new job. The homeowners (one of his co-workers from the job he was laid off from and the co-worker's wife) are lovely people who are so helpful and kind. When my fiance was laid off unexpectedly, they let him live rent free for the two months it took to find a new job (he paid them back) and when the condo he is now living in wouldn't let him keep our sweet girl, his friends stepped up and offered to keep her for us until we are married in 6 months and move in together. I live in a different state and also cannot have pets. When we are married, we will be moving in to pet friendly accomodations.

Since living there the past 9 months, our cat has gained a significant amount of weight. We recently discovered that our friends had started feeding her wet food everyday and she was being fed already by my fiance with her normal dry catfood. My fiance is not detail oriented and doesn't pay attention to much so he didn't notice this. Now don't get me wrong, I love chubby cats and I am overweight myself so I have nothing against those who are overweight. I am just concerned for the health of my cat and unhappy that many things I have purchased over the last few months will likely not fit her.

My question is...is there any proper way to address this with them? Do I have a say in what they feed my cat? (I send them a check for her food every month, but they have been buying the wet food on their own). I know our cat loves the wet food and they just want to make her happy, but I don't want her to have a shorter life because of being overweight and I want to be able to use the items I spent a lot of money on for her.

I'm thinking I should just let it go. I mean..there's only 6 months left and I am not sure the benefit would outweigh the awkwardness? I'm just not sure. What would you do if you were in this situation?

anssett

Wow. This is a valid question, but also kind of ridiculous. Do you have a say? I vote yes. It's your cat and you pay for her food. Is it a huge deal? no. You'll get her diet back on track soon. Should you say something? If you want. If you express that you're just concerned for the cat's health to your friends and suggest a different food plan they may take it really well. Clearly they love the cat too. It doesn't sound like you'd take a bossy demanding tone, so maybe broach it gently and see how it goes. Good luck, and do you really dress up your cat? How big is the cat's wardrobe? 

Also, your venue is amazing. 

freebread03

This doesn't seem like a big deal.  Just tell them that you notice she's been gaining weight, and that you'd like to put her on a diet (i.e. no wet food).  That simple.

Sharpschruter22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-do-i-have-a-say-in-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1ab7c6e-59be-416d-8f96-9d2351ad87b7Post:687d9401-fd0c-445d-85ce-2c01ec20883f">Re: NWR: Do I have a say in this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. This is a valid question, but also kind of ridiculous. Do you have a say? I vote yes. It's your cat and you pay for her food. Is it a huge deal? no. You'll get her diet back on track soon. Should you say something? If you want. If you express that you're just concerned for the cat's health to your friends and suggest a different food plan they may take it really well. Clearly they love the cat too. It doesn't sound like you'd take a bossy demanding tone, so maybe broach it gently and see how it goes. Good luck, and do you really dress up your cat? How big is the cat's wardrobe?  Also, your venue is amazing. 
Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]


I agree it is kind of ridiculous, but I do appreciate what the ladies on this board say and I want to see how other's feel. I appreciate your response and thank you for the compliment on our wedding venue! It is pretty spectacular if I do say so myself.

As far as her wardrobe...I don't dress her up. She would not stand for that. I have purchased several toy items that were not cheap that she would be able to hide inside and take a nap. I also bought a few harnesses for when I take her for walks (silly, I know..but she looooves going outside on walks). My fiance moved to Jackson, Mississippi on the reservoir and there are alligators literally in backyard so she will only be able to go out while on a leash with me. She is a petite cat and I always had to buy the smallest things to have them fit her.

B2Z728

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-do-i-have-a-say-in-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1ab7c6e-59be-416d-8f96-9d2351ad87b7Post:a480142b-efb9-4a05-be55-5e7e4e6d7545">Re: NWR: Do I have a say in this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wet food isn't the problem.  It's the amount of food vs the amount of activity your cat has, as well as metabolism which may have changed due to age, stress, or even mild illness.  We have 2 cats that we feed the same servings of wet food every day.  One is skinny as a rail, the other has more junk in the trunk than Fergie and Beyonce combined.   Yes, I DO think you have a say in what your cat is fed, since you are sending money for it.  However, I think you need to have her taken to the vet and ask him/her about the weight gain.  Not only will it make sure there are no other problems underlying, but it will also be much less awkward for your FI to say "wow, the vet said Fluffy has to go on a diet and recommended X food fed on Y schedule.  Let us know if the current money we send doesn't cover these changes." rather than saying "um, your making my cat fat and I'd like you to adhere to my type of food instead." ETA:  I'm not saying the TYPE of food they are feeding her isn't the problem, just that it isn't necessarily the wet vs dry part that's a problem.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>Our cat gets a can of wet food in the morning and has her dry food out all day that she nibbles on. She's an active cat that sprints around the house often but also takes naps the rest of the time. </div><div>
</div><div>I mainly wanted to respond to tell you your venue looks stunning. 

</div>

lauraandpeterforever

Instead of sending them a check why don't you purchase the food you want the cat eating online and ship it to them directly from the website? Seems much easier to me than worrying about what they're feeding her. You can do it with all the cat supplies so that way you have all the say.

Sharpschruter22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-do-i-have-a-say-in-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1ab7c6e-59be-416d-8f96-9d2351ad87b7Post:2f37d9a8-4fc7-4842-a17d-2333df9c8f3b">Re: NWR: Do I have a say in this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Instead of sending them a check why don't you purchase the food you want the cat eating online and ship it to them directly from the website? Seems much easier to me than worrying about what they're feeding her. You can do it with all the cat supplies so that way you have all the say.
Posted by lauraandpeterforever[/QUOTE]

Stage and B2Z, thank you for your thoughts. That's something that is true that I didn't think about before. And thank you for the comment about our venue! I know that Stage is in NW Arkansas, have you been to Thorncrown before?

LauraandPeter- We have a friend that works at a pet store deliver the food to our friend's house. The type we use is expensive for cat food and we get a discount through him. Our friends use the money that I send them to pay for the cat food.

crash2729

Just a question...Do you know that the cat is actually eating the dry food? 

I only ask because with my dog, he will not eat his regular food if we are away. Unless, someone hand feeds him.
So, for example, when I leave my him with my MIL I know he will be eating junky food, but I know he'll be eating and that's the important part.

I second Stage with a visit to the vet first.

Sharpschruter22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-do-i-have-a-say-in-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1ab7c6e-59be-416d-8f96-9d2351ad87b7Post:1ae77f55-4c8b-41c9-9a76-aab587ef309c">Re: NWR: Do I have a say in this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a question...Do you know that the cat is actually eating the dry food?  I only ask because with my dog, he will not eat his regular food if we are away. Unless, someone hand feeds him. So, for example, when I leave my him with my MIL I know he will be eating junky food, but I know he'll be eating and that's the important part. I second Stage with a visit to the vet first.
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Thanks, Crash. Yes, she eats the dry food. When FI came home every day from work, her dry food is gone and he sees her eating it before he went to work in the mornings.

Sharpschruter22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-do-i-have-a-say-in-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1ab7c6e-59be-416d-8f96-9d2351ad87b7Post:ebb1d385-7639-41cc-93e4-7b9c9fc1bea9">Re:NWR: Do I have a say in this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I have and it's gorgeous! Eureka is one of favorite weekend getaway spots and we always stop by there when we go.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Yay! Any suggestions on restaurants or anything? We are staying in one of the treehouses for a few days after the wedding and our reception is in the conservatory at the Crescent.

BostonGIrl4732

I'm more of a dog person, but that is one beautiful venue!!!!

Calypso1977

actually, wet food is hte best thing for them for weight loss.

my cat was nearly 21 pounds on a straight dry food diet.  i put him on straight wet food and he now weights 15 pounds 12 oz.  it works.  he gets a 3oz can in the morning, a 3oz can after work, and a 3oz can at bedtime.  its definitely more work and hassle than the dry but he is so much healthier.

dry food to a cat is like a human eating nothing but cereal and pasta.  its all carb.

its your cat, so id definiteliy address it with them, but tell them to stop the dry.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yeah, dry food is more calorically dense than wet food. Wet food is also good for cats (as long as it's an okay quality food) because cats often don't hydrate very well on their own, so they get some extra water with the wet food.

So.... technically they should cut down on her dry food. You should be able to look up the amount of calories per cup of dry food as well as the amount of calories per ounce of wet food. Determine your cat's caloric needs (30-35 calories per pound, so if you want her to weigh 10 pounds, she should have 300-350 calories per day) and that amount of food should be measured out per day. When it's gone, it's gone. Also, instead of free feeding, they can try putting the food out twice a day - maybe dry in the morning and wet in the evening. The cat will learn to self-regulate.

I would approach it in that way. Mention that Misty should really only be getting x-amount of food (1/2 cup dry or whatever) per day, but you've heard that x way of feeding might work well to maintain her weight...

I think feeding some wet food is good, though. Also, you might want to go to the vet just to make sure there's nothing weird going on that's causing the weight gain, other than the food.

Calypso1977

i had tried everything for a couple of years (walking him on a leash to get exercise, cutting down on the dry, etc.) and switching him to wet was the only thing that worked.  poor bugger couldnt even clean himself he was so big.   so i was at a point where i was somewhat skeptical, but would try anything.  and it worked!  i remember the day he rediscovered he could clean himself.  he was so happy he spent hours in a corner of the living room. LOL

my cat eats fancy feast - look for the flavors that have the highest protein.  some are only 9-10%, but there are some varieties that are 12-14%.  i get them for pretty cheap at petfooddirect dot com - saves filling up a grocery cart of cans and having to sort them at home.

daubachsgirl23

I would definitely bring it up with your friends.  I would say something totally casual like "Is it just me or is Kitty getting kind of chunky?  I think we should cut back a little on her food!"  or "I noticed Kitty is getting pudgy.  I wonder if putting her on X brand of cat food would be a good idea?"  If you say it with a laugh, I highly doubt anyone would get offended.  Or, take her to the vet for a check-up and see what the vet says.  If the vet tells you to put the cat on a diet, I can't imagine your friends wouldn't be more than happy to comply.

Kate61487

I think the suggestion of a visit to the vet is excellent, because it will be WAY less awkward a conversation if it's "doctor's orders".  Plus it's good to know what's going on and will help you figure out what you should do to get her back on track once she's living with you again.

My mom's vet recently recommended cutting dry food 100%, mentioning that her older cat's recent death actually could have been significantly contributed to by eating dry food.  Since then I've done a lot of research on the topic for my own cat. Not all vets agree that dry food should be cut out entirely, but I learned a lot that I wasn't aware of - like that cat's won't generally drink for thirst, and that in the wild nearly all their water intake comes from their food.  While cats who eat dry food drink about twice as much as those fed wet they actually get about half the total water.  Because of this cats fed a dry food diet, especially males, are prone to crystallization in their bladders and kidneys - which is what killed my mom's cat.  Cats are also carnivornes, not omnivores like dogs and humans, so they gain no value from anything in a food that's not meat or water.  this chart (link) reassured me that fancy feast was a good choice, as it's 50-60% cal from protein vs. others that are around 30

Also - cat's are reputed as being self-aware of how much food they need; that a cat who's offered dry food all day will only munch as much as they need.  That's true for some: our guy used to get 1 can of wet at night and had dry all day to munch on.  he now gets 1 can in the morning and 1 can at night - the dry food's still there and he hasn't gained a lb in the 3 years I've had him.  Other cats will eat as long as there's food available, so you have to be more aware.  From what I read there's no real science to how much a cat needs to eat, b/c it can vary based on their metabolism, activity level, etc.  But basically you should weigh your cat, feed them what you think they need, and if they're gaining feed them less, if they're losing feed them more (and it's not healthy for them to lose too quick, just like with humans.  one article I read said 1/2 lb per month, max).

Sharpschruter22

Lots of great info here. Thank you ladies! Well..if we were going to take her to the vet, our friends would have to be the ones to take her. I live in Missouri, fiance In Mississippi, and our friends and cat live in Alabama. Our Graycie drinks all the time. She was always interested in running water. She even jumps in the tub to watch the faucet drip so we bought her a cat fountain that she loves. If you are needing your cat to drink more, I definitely suggest a fountain. I bought ours on amazon for seventeen bucks. Well worth it.

KellyBrian2013

Is the weight gain somewhat sudden? As PPs have said, most cats are perfectly fine free feeding with regulating their food. And someone already mentioned that wet food is actually better because of the water in it. Whether your cat drinks regularly or not is not the issue; most cats, even those that do drink regularly, do not take in enough water to satisfy what their body requires. Most veterinary dieticians will recommend a diet with wet food incorporated, if not the primary food. If the weight gain is somewhat sudden AND the cat is drinking a lot of water, that's actually a sign of health problems and should be addressed by a vet. Kidney and liver issues, along with diabetes are very common in cats.

B2Z728

This is a great thread. Thank you ladies for all this information about cat food! 

There's so many commercials out there preaching that you need to know what's in the food you feed your pets and i've never actually looked into it, despite always meaning to. We feed our cat Fancy Feast so it's good to know that we've been making a good decisions unknowingly. 

random4180

My cats eat a mix of wet and dry, best of both world's, I think. Frankly, even wet food can be crappy for a cat if it's poorly balanced. There is a lot of filler in most popular cat foods (including fancy feast or anything else you can find in most supermarkets.) Look at the content- if the first ingredients don't include real meat (not meat by-products or the like) then it's not a good fit, no matter what they might say the protein content is. Also, look out for ash content as it could contribute to crystallization. There are a lot of totally grain-free options out there and there's also going with a raw food diet. My boys have a fountain so they drink a lot of water. Also, I sometimes add water to their mix of wet and dry. Follow feeding guidlines for your cat's size, age, and activity level and it's hard to overfeed. My cats eat Blue Buffalo dry and Tiki Cat wet- it can be terribly expensive but they're never hungry and in perfect health. The important thing to remember is that a better quality food is always the goal, whether wet or dry. If you feed your cat bad wet food, it can't really be better nutritionally then a higher-end dry food, if that makes sense. I mean, I'm an insane cat parent- they get their teeth brushed, have harnesses and probably a hundred toys, organic food, treats, and catnip and whereas OP doesn't have a wardrobe for her cats, mine actually do... (cats in clothes spam ahead)

Henry taking a hike with us in the woods as a kitty

The boys in their Sunday best (football jerseys!)

Their Halloween costumes; Henry's a cowboy and Sammy's a pumpkin

Sammy in his reindeer antlers

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My angels

What can I say, they're very tolerant cats...
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Sharpschruter22

In Response to Re:NWR: Do I have a say in this?:In Response to Re:NWR: Do I have a say in this?:In Response to Re:NWR: Do I have a say in this? : Yay! Any suggestions on restaurants or anything? We are staying in one of the treehouses for a few days after the wedding and our reception is in the conservatory at the Crescent.Posted by Sharpschruter22Definitely do the Wareagle Brunch at the Crescent if you're there on Sunday morning. nbsp;It's fabulous! nbsp;The best Italian is Ermilio's, and we always love to hit up Myrtie May's for casual "country" cooking. nbsp;If you want something a bit more upscale and romantic, Gaskin Cabin Steakhouse is really nice and delicious, though definitely a bit pricier. nbsp;The treehouses are pretty nice. nbsp;We've stayed there a few times when Benton Place Inn our top choice is booked up. nbsp;Which one are you going to be in? Posted by StageManager14 Awesome! Thanks for the tips! We will be in the Bungalow. I'm really excited. We are relaxing for a couple of days after the wedding, then will head somewhere else for the remainder of our honeymoon. Probably Florida. Myrtie Mays is very yummy! We will definitely check out your other suggestions. Our rehearsal dinner is at Forest Hill restaurant...not the best food, but it will be fine. Have you ever been on a dinner ride on the train? How bout the castle that is taking 30 years to build? Im not sure how far away that is, but I think it would be awesome to check out. I love that all the workers are in costume. I have a degree in theatre and hospitality management and mostly worked with costume design. Do you work for a theatre? Regarding my cat, she is one year old and very active. She especially loves chasing our friend's two dogs. I took her to the vet in May when I found her...or rather when she found me. I was watering my plants on the deck and went inside to get more water, leaving the door open. A sweet gray kitten came running into my house crying. She was being chased by a big ole tom cat and I chased him away. When she felt safe, she jumped in my lap, licked my face, and stayed in my arms for hours. That night she slept in the crook of my arm all night long. I was toast. I had to find a way to keep her. Fiance took her home with him and she has been living in Alabama since then. I miss her, but we will be reunited soon. I really think she is just overeating. She eats Blue Buffalo and I think the wet food they buy her is Meow Mix. Thanks for all the great advice!

Sharpschruter22

Omg. SO ADORABLE! I love your cat pics! I wish I was on my computer so I could post pics of our Graycie. Everyone else. Let's see pics of your sweethearts!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Random, where did you get the kitty football jerseys? I kind of half joke with my husband that we should buy the cats jerseys. Then we joke about which of our teams the cats are fans of (Buffalo or New England). And then my husband jokes that they'd probably be Dolphins fans because BIG FISH!

Anyway... yeah, that's cute.

random4180

Their football jerseys were bought on ebay- they're small and x-small dog jerseys. They're silly and I got them to surprise my husband who introduced me to football when we started dating. But I will admit, there was a game where the team was losing at halftime and my husband (who was there) sent me a text telling me to put the boys in their jerseys. I did and they pulled off a comeback and won.

arendiva

Wet food is actually better for cats than dry food. So if they are feeding her wet food you can just tell your fiance to stop feeding her the dry food. Surely it will be less awkward to have that convo with your fiance than to have that convo with the friends.