Wedding Etiquette Forum

I don't wanna be that girl, but...

So, my dramatastic cousin who some of you may have read my multiple vents about is engaged to the guy who cheated on her. Supposedly it was a lie made up by the girls he "cheated" with. I don't know what to believe. Regardless, they're engaged, she has a ring (hear shaped diamond, not my style but very pretty), and they've quoted for the end of August. My wedding is at the end of August. I am not one of those "OMG MY WEDDING IS THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE" girls. But, come on, she's know about my date since last July. I don't care if she "takes away attention". I'm more concerned that her wedding is going to "trump" my wedding, and our family will go to her wedding. What can I do about? Nothing. I guess I just want to be an AW and get some sympathy. Or you can b!tch me out and put me in my place. I hope that someone talks some sense into her, and she changes her date.

Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but...

  • No one is going to talk sense into her about changing the date. It is what it is. I'd just let it go if I were you.

    PS- How would her wedding "trump" your wedding? My guess is, some family will go to her wedding, and some will go to your wedding, OR the family will go to both.

  • We have sent save the dates. Also, CAB, by "trump" I mean, I know my family.. They won't want to travel to two weddings in a weekend. And by "end of august" that probably means the same weekend as me or...GASP! the same day! But seriously, I just hope this isn't an actual issue, and that she's just talking out of excitement.
  • Wait so did your cousin set their date for the same day as yours? I'm confused about that part. Send out STDs ASAP.
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  • If she seriously plans her wedding on the exact same day as you, having knonw your date, then I would call her a douchecanoe. I'm sorry, but I would be pissed. That is douchey and it puts your family in an awkward place. Even having them back to back weekends could be difficult for your OOT guests. I also hope someone mentions how that could turn into a problem. It would suck for your family to have to choose, or pass them both up to avoid playing favorites. 

    If you've already sent STDs though, I would think you have kinda already established "dibs." Not to say she can't still plan hers for the same date/time frame, but there is a good chance, if anyone IS going to have to pick, they'll pick yours. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-dont-wanna-be-that-girl-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20895fe-9835-4cbf-9c8f-5861b5772605Post:ca72f1a5-38e3-4618-b356-f5f1595703f5">Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have sent save the dates. Also, CAB, by "trump" I mean, I know my family.. They won't want to travel to two weddings in a weekend. And by "<strong>end of august</strong>" that probably means the same weekend as me or...GASP! the same day! But seriously, I just hope this isn't an actual issue, and that she's just talking out of excitement.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    Ahhh, I missed that part somehow about BOTH being the end of August. My apologies. Yeah, she's gonna look like a jerk for doing that. Hopefully she is just overly excited and will rethink things.
  • I understand why you would be frustrated. It really is unfair. I have family like that too. If you do something they always have to do it and do it better.

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  • She is a crappy person from everything you said so i would not put it past her. Also i would get std's out immediately even if you weren't planning on them, this way people can say well "cutie informed us first about her wedding". If she puts it on the same day she is pretty stupid & careless, i would have nothing to do with her anymore as she would obviously only be doing it to get at you.
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  • I agree get your STD out immediatly. But other then that..as sucky as it might be, you get a day she gets a day, as long as she doesnt pick your day shes not doing anything to 'wrong' you. If she does pick the same day I would call her and explain that you have been planning on this day (have venue etc...if you do) and it is too late to move your day, and hopefully she can move hers. If not....total disrespect and I hope your family would recognize that when making thier decision of whose to go to...

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  • But she doesn't have a venue yet? Let's hope she falls in love with one that doesn't have any openings until 2013, or at least none in August.
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  • Most likely if she did choose to have the wedding the same day most of your mutual extended family would choose yours. Of course, I do not know how your family works, but if they have known about your wedding for a year its going to make her look bad. Of course her immediate family will go to her wedding over yours, but perhaps her family will try to make her see the light so the weddings aren't on the same day. Good luck!
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  • It sounds like you have had your wedding date planned for this date for some time, and it sounds like those close to you know that.  If she plans her wedding for the same weekend or the same date, it's only going to make her look bad.  If you send out your STDs and invitations in a timely manner, I'm sure that your family would choose your wedding to go to since it was the first one planned for that date.  Also, it doesn't sound like she has anything set in stone yet, so maybe she will end up completely changing her date anyway, which would be the best possible outcome.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-dont-wanna-be-that-girl-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20895fe-9835-4cbf-9c8f-5861b5772605Post:8e9628b5-a38b-4c72-877d-47049dd8ea32">Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like you have had your wedding date planned for this date for some time, and it sounds like those close to you know that.  If she plans her wedding for the same weekend or the same date, it's only going to make her look bad.  If you send out your STDs and invitations in a timely manner, I'm sure that your family would choose your wedding to go to since it was the first one planned for that date.  Also, it doesn't sound like she has anything set in stone yet, so maybe she will end up completely changing her date anyway, which would be the best possible outcome.<strong> My e-ring is heart shaped, and I love it. :-/</strong>
    Posted by rebarobert2012[/QUOTE]

    Nothing wrong with that! Like I said, just not my style. I'm sure your ring is gorgeous. I just mentioned the ring I guess because I wrote a post before how they were "pretend engaged" because they were talking about a wedding, but she had no ring and no proposal.

    A totally different issue about all of this is now I have to invite Captain Asshat (ie. her FI) to my wedding. I really don't want to.
  • Ugh, same weekend or same day even?  Okay, that's not being an AW wanting to own a whole month or week; that's a douchey cousin.  UGH.  So rude.  I'm so sorry.  Hopefully everyone in your family starts pointing out that your wedding is already set then, and waves their STD cards in her face.  I know in my family, that would so not fly.  My family would choose the one who set it first, unless there was some uber urgent reason eg terminal illness, sudden shipping out to war zone for a military spouse-to-be... and even then, they wouldn't be happy.

    Sit back and be the bigger person and wait; you've sent your STDs out already.  See how it plays out.
  • That's kind of a douche move, IMO. If you've already sent out your STDs, I'd just casually remind her that that's when your wedding is, because "you wouldn't want to miss her wedding". Maybe make it seem like you're more concerned with missing each other's weddings rather than having competing weddings, you know?

    Maybe this is bad advice. If it is, ladies, please correct me.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-dont-wanna-be-that-girl-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20895fe-9835-4cbf-9c8f-5861b5772605Post:cc1fe3e5-cb59-448a-b903-ed4ef776a70b">Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]A totally different issue about all of this is now I have to invite Captain Asshat (ie. her FI) to my wedding. I really don't want to.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    No you don't. Maybe it's just me, but you & your cousin don't seem too close. Don't invite her either.
  • Almost immediatly after FI and I got engaged we set a date, booked a venue and informed out immediate families, then sent out STDs a few months later.
    My cousin got engaged last month - she lives in the states, I live in Canada, and she set her date for the friday following my wedding (my wedding is the 5 of May, hers is the 11th) and even asked for my addy so she could send me an invite!
    I wasnt angry about it for any kind of attention purposes, its not a "my day, me me me" type of anger, its the fact that it now forces my family to choose, because for most people flying around to 2 different countries is not really plausible for most people, so they will most likely have to chose which wedding to attend. I cant grasp how someone can think its ok to do that, it puts people you love in a really akward position. Its a biitch move if you ask me. But try not to let it get to you.
    In fact I purposly sent out my invitations earler than normal because of it. (I mailed them on friday)

  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-dont-wanna-be-that-girl-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20895fe-9835-4cbf-9c8f-5861b5772605Post:0a9a691f-49b1-44b6-b10f-65b07e65aea3">Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but... : No you don't. Maybe it's just me, but you & your cousin don't seem too close. Don't invite her either.
    Posted by Dont AskMeAgain[/QUOTE]

    We were really close when we were young. We now have a very complicated relationship. At least, that's the way I feel. I'm pretty sure that she's blissfully ignorant of how rude and hurtful she's been to me since we became teenagers. Also, the way my family works, I would NEVER hear the end of it if I didn't invite my cousin. I already sent her a STD, anyway. And if I invite her, I have to invite her FI, because that's just good etiquette. She's the one being a douchecanoe. I don't want to be one back.
  • Send the STDs now and maybe send the invites out a few weeks earlier (instead of 6-8 wks, get them out 10 weeks before the date). That way they'll get your invitation first (fingers-crosed) and usually guests go where they were first invited (don't move up your RSVP date though). Good luck. A family member that she respects may end up talking to her or she may be teasing. Doesn't sound like it, but there is still a miniscule chance that she's trying to rile you up. Don't say anything and get the STDs and invites out just a little early.
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  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-dont-wanna-be-that-girl-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20895fe-9835-4cbf-9c8f-5861b5772605Post:822395d8-174d-4424-9be5-fbca02b3c89d">Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't wanna be that girl, but... : We were really close when we were young. We now have a very complicated relationship. At least, that's the way I feel. I'm pretty sure that she's blissfully ignorant of how rude and hurtful she's been to me since we became teenagers. Also, the way my family works, I would NEVER hear the end of it if I didn't invite my cousin. I already sent her a STD, anyway. And if I invite her, I have to invite her FI, because that's just good etiquette. She's the one being a douchecanoe. I don't want to be one back.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    I understand & I wish you luck. Who knows he might not show up. Or maybe you will be running around so much that day, you won't even notice he's there. Also, you can have someone keep a close eye on him & the minute things get outrageous, have him escorted out. I know for etiquette sake you have to invite both, but I was just saying if you don't feel comfortable with neither of them there, don't suffer on your wedding day. Who knows maybe you two planning your weddings around the same time will bring you closer together. I say bury the hatchett & start anew. She just might do the same. It's worth a try.
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