Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR Etiquette question

There's a girl in my social circle who I am sort of friends with. I say sort of, because we knew each other in high school, and now she hangs out with a bunch of the same people as I do. Basically, she would be very surprised to find out that I don't really like her very much. She's very loud and kind of obnoxious, and we don't really have a lot in common.

I invite her to any parties I throw because we're kind of friends. The problem is, she always wants to come over like, 2 hours before the party starts, which means instead of getting dressed and like, frosting cupcakes, I'm taking her coat, making small talk and her a drink.

Then, when she's getting ready to leave, she always insists on making a "to-go" plate, even though she's already eaten. Now, I have no problem sending a piece of cake home to her mother, I routinely offer that. But she wants to take like, a whole heaping plate full of food so that she'll have lunch the next day.

Am I unreasonable to think that it's really rude, and what, if anything would you say to her?
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Re: NWR Etiquette question

  • I would just stop inviting her. 
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    Anniversary
  • Yeah, that seems like the easiest solution, but like I said, she is friends with my (pretty insular) social circle. There'd be drama if I just cut ties. And I don't like drama.

    Which is probably why I haven't said anything yet.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f281f9b7-0ffb-4b88-943e-88200ea4176ePost:b8fe65f1-6689-46fe-bbf9-69abe9199284">Re: NWR Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would just stop inviting her. 
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    Ideally, this would happen.  Since they run in the same circle, that's not likely to have a very pretty ending. 

    I LOVE to send stuff home with people after parties--mostly because I don't  want to eat it all.  But if you don't, that's understandable, and I would just excuse yourself at some point, and put stuff away.  If it's away, I feel like she'll be far less likely to ask.

    As far as the coming early, can't you just tell her no?  I mean, is she really so socially challenged that she just SHOWS UP that early?  Even if you tell her the party starts at whatever time?? 

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • If the party is supposed to start at 3, I'll get a call the day before asking if it's okay if she comes at 1, because she won't be able to stay late and wants to see me.

    I have a hard time just saying "No," so I have in the past said like, "Oh, I don't know, I'll still be getting stuff ready," but she just says she'll be sitting in the living room and out of the way.
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  • You just need to sack up and tell her no then.  If you truly need an excuse, tell her you have some last minute errands to run. 

    "I'm sorry, but I've got some last minute errands to run.  But I'll see you at 3 with everyone else!"  Then change the subject.  Get off the phone if you have to.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Ditto J.  You cannot be passive aggressive with someone like that.  
  • I can understand if not inviting her causes unnecessary drama with your other friends, but ideally you would just not invite her anymore.

    If that isn't an option, I agree that you just need to say no. You can say you won't be home until right before the party. Honestly if she STILL decides to show up early even after you've said you won't be around, I would just not answer the door. Maybe that's just me, but you gave her fair warning.

    As far as taking food home, I would wrap up and put the food away immediately after everyone has eaten. I understand it's an awkward spot if she asks to take food home because you hate saying no, but maybe say, "I'd love to send a piece of cake home with you" and just offer that. If she asks for the other food, I would make sure YOU make up the plate and only give a small amount--not the heaping plateful you say she takes.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f281f9b7-0ffb-4b88-943e-88200ea4176ePost:6a941564-6515-437c-839d-f2f47b4109f2">Re:NWR Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Learn to say no. Can I come over early? No, I'm sorry but we have plans/errands/<strong>babymaking to practice before the party.</strong> I'm really excited to see you tonight though! Can I make a to go plate? Oh, I'm sorry but we already cleaned everything up. I'm happy to pack you up a piece of pie though, it's still out on the counter. We don't have a magic answer that will make her suddenly alter her behavior without you having to confront it, at least a little. So, you're going to have to learn to stand firm on your own.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    You definitely should say the bolded! I bet that might shut her up and dissuade her from showing up early.


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  • Thanks for all the advice. Now at least I have an idea as to what to do/say in that situation.

    I wasn't looking for a magic answer, just for the practical advice that I received.

    So, thanks again, ladies! :)
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  • I know I'm late to this party (pun intended) but this girl is ridiculous. Who has TWO HOURS set aside to entertain the party guest, and why doesn't she have a life outside of your parties? 

    What a weirdo.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f281f9b7-0ffb-4b88-943e-88200ea4176ePost:6a941564-6515-437c-839d-f2f47b4109f2">Re:NWR Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]<span style="font-weight:bold;">Learn to say no.</span> Can I come over early? No, I'm sorry but we have plans/errands/babymaking to practice before the party. I'm really excited to see you tonight though! Can I make a to go plate? Oh, I'm sorry but we already cleaned everything up. I'm happy to pack you up a piece of pie though, it's still out on the counter. <span style="font-weight:bold;">We don't have a magic answer that will make her suddenly alter her behavior without you having to confront it, at least a little. So, you're going to have to learn to stand firm on your own.</span>
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this.  You obviously cannot beat around the bush with this type of person. 
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