Inviting some - not others...

avaday2u

Hello!

We are getting married in October and have a guest list of 50 people.  This is my second marriage and we are trying to pay for everything ourselves...

So, here's the problem - my fiance has a good friend who has a girlfriend that neither of us really like, plus we don't really know her.  They are the break-up/get back together kind.

Our guest list is so tight that we cannot let anyone bring a plus one.

So how do we tell our friend "We want you there, but not your GF"?  I don't want to be rude - but we cannot go over 50...

Thanks guys!!

GypsySoul01

I don't think there is any way to do this. If she is his GF, you're going to have to invite her. I think if they are "on again/off again" that the best you can hope for is that they are "off" at the time of your wedding. You would need to address the invitation to both of them by name at the time you send out invites, so it's not like he could bring a random +1 to the wedding if they are broken up at that time.

Jen4948

If she's not his SO, you can omit her by leaving her name off his invitation, but if she is his SO, the only way to omit her is to omit your friend as well.

Kate61487

She needs to be invited.  She is not a "plus-one" she is a significant other, and needs to be invited by name.  If she is number 51 then it looks like you're not inviting your friend and the problem is solved because that brings you down to 49.

And FWIW - by packing your guest list to the gills without allowing for any +1s you're just asking for trouble when some of your single guests get into relationships between now and October.  If you really truly absolutely cannot go over 50 then you need to pick your 25 most important people and leave room for their SOs (whether they currently exist or not).  "You weren't in a relationship in February when we made up the guest list" is not a legitimate reason to exclude someone's BF/GF/FI/husband/wife.

AddieCake

If they are a couple when your invitations go out, you need to invite her. And ditto Kate about not allowing for any wiggle room in case single people have SOs by the time your invitations go out. We gave everyone a plus one and had them factored into the guest list from the start. I realize not everyone can afford to give single people a plus one, but you shouldn't pack it so tight that you have no wiggle room just in case someone is in a relationship by the time your invitations go out. 

beardownbchs

A plus one is only for people without a boyfriend or girlfriend. If anyone on your guest list is in a relationship, you need to invite the person by name. Not giving plus ones is okay, but not inviting SO's is not.

Peledreamsofrain

You can't get around inviting her if you invite him.  If you try to exclude her, you'll start a whooooole lot of drama.  Take my word for it, the less drama you have to deal with leading up to the wedding, the saner you will be.

Keep in mind that you'll see this girl all of 30 seconds on the day.  You'll be riding such an emotional high that non-important things (such as her) will pass on by in an insignificant blur. 

mlg78

The only thing you could do is to attempt to invite him while they're "off", rather than "on"

...but it'll still likely cause drama.

MayberryAfterMidnight

This entire thread has me confused - I thought you were only obligated to invite SOs if the couple is a.) living together b.) engaged c.) been together a long time (granted that last qualification is very subjective, as in what is a "long time"?). I didn't think you had to invite people by name when they've just been dating a little while or casually? Certainly being on and off doesn't seem serious to me. OP doesn't specify whether their friend and the girlfriend fall under those categories, but if she doesn't, it doesn't seem like she has to be invited by name. (If she does, unfortunately you do have to invite her and there's always the possibility the friend will just assume the GF is invited even if she's not listed.) However, PP's advice about leaving room for plus ones in general is great. Good luck!

Sara G to be

I don't know I don't get all of these "rules" who makes them up!? One of my FI's grooms men has an on again off again girl friend and we aren't inviting her. But that is between my FI and his friend... My FI has made it very clear he does not like this girl and does not want to be around her (possibly some drug involvement) and since its his buddy I left that one up to him!

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-some-not-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2e08e3a-d519-4ac0-a809-b790f67859fePost:5d6be75d-e3e4-4cba-acd8-2ab836f0c1c5">Re: Inviting some - not others...</a>:
[QUOTE]This entire thread has me confused - I thought you were only obligated to invite SOs if the couple is a.) living together b.) engaged c.) been together a long time (granted that last qualification is very subjective, as in what is a "long time"?).<strong> I didn't think you had to invite people by name when they've just been dating a little while or casually? </strong>Certainly being on and off doesn't seem serious to me. OP doesn't specify whether their friend and the girlfriend fall under those categories, but if she doesn't, it doesn't seem like she has to be invited by name. (If she does, unfortunately you do have to invite her and there's always the possibility the friend will just assume the GF is invited even if she's not listed.) However, PP's advice about leaving room for plus ones in general is great. Good luck!
Posted by MayberryAfterMidnight[/QUOTE]

Regardless of how long two people have been dating, it really isn't polite to use "and guest" when you know the other person's name.  And if you don't know it, you should find out.