confused need advice!

katefreeman81

my husband and i were married in a small family only ceremony last year. we didn't accept gifts nor was there a reception (i was very pregnant and were trying to do right by our daughter). we want to renew our vows next year but are kind of confused on what's okay and what isn't. is it okay to register? we never registered the first time. is it okay to have a jack in jill type thing? is it okay to have a shower? is it okay to have attendants? there are so many grey areas it's stressing me out!! help!

HockeyFan4

 is it okay to register? sure, but no mention on the invitation...only let people know if they ask you directly.

is it okay to have a jack in jill type thing? no

is it okay to have a shower?  no

 is it okay to have attendants? eh sort of a gray area....I wouldn't have more than one or two for each of you.

arendiva

I would only register if several guests indicate to you that they plan to get you a gift. That way you avoid guests hearing about you having registered and then assuming that that means you expect gifts. i don't doubt  that there may be a couple people (parents for example) who may buy presents for you , but since this isn't a wedding the vast majority of your guest probably won't intend to bring gifts and may be offended at the suggestion of it. For that reason I would definitely say no to bridal showers or jack and jills.

JaxInBlue

I agree with Hockey about the pre-parties (since you are already married, you're not really pre-anything) and the attendants.  I would add to the registry that I would not register for anything that is solely for your daughter.  I think the traditional fare or things for your family (board games, maybe a few DVDs) would be okay, but nothing only for her use or enjoyment.

I think the best vow renewals aren't trying to be pseudo-weddings; they are meaningful and special but the emphasis after the vows is more about a great anniversary party.

wrigleyville

My aunt and uncle renewed their vows on their 25th anniversary.

They didn't have any pre-wedding parties because they were already married. Jack and Jill parties are a no-no, especially when you are already married.

They did not have attendants. They wore a suit and a nice dress. She carried a little bouquet, and he had a boutinniere. (She didn't walk up the aisle; she just wanted to have a little bouquet instead of a corsage.) The officiant went through the vow renewal ceremony, which was quite lovely and made everyone cry.

Afterward, we went to a reception hall and had dinner. Some people brought cards and gifts, but they were not registered anywhere and did not expect gifts. We actually had to ask for a table so we had a place to set everything, and the hall gave her a box for the cards. Most of the cards had lovely notes inside, not cash, and the gifts were mostly little household items like candles, monogrammed slippers, gift certificates to restaurants and so on.

They had wedding photos and family albums out for display. They did have a cake, but it was just a nice sheet cake with an anniversary theme, not a tiered cake. She set their original cake topper near it but not on it. After dinner, they cut the cake and fed it to each other, and then my cousins and I helped serve it.

They had music playing, but it wasn't set up like dancing at a reception. The music was just for background. At one point, their wedding song came on, and she and my uncle danced to it, but it wasn't a spotlight dance.

It definitely had more of a party atmosphere than a wedding atmosphere. It was a LOT of fun, especially because it lacked the formality of a wedding but still had a celebratory feel. Hopefully, that gives you some ideas.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confused-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2fdfd35-ef90-4733-9cc1-67e089522909Post:ea7ef489-49d8-4cc6-9357-22155e43a6c8">Re: confused need advice!</a>:
[QUOTE]My aunt and uncle renewed their vows on their 25th anniversary. They didn't have any pre-wedding parties because they were already married. Jack and Jill parties are a no-no, especially  when you are already married. They did not have attendants. They wore a suit and a nice dress. She carried a little bouquet, and he had a boutinniere. (She didn't walk up the aisle; she just wanted to have a little bouquet instead of a corsage.) The officiant went through the vow renewal ceremony, which was quite lovely and made everyone cry. Afterward, we went to a reception hall and had dinner. Some people brought cards and gifts, but they were not registered anywhere and did not expect gifts. We actually had to ask for a table so we had a place to set everything, and the hall gave her a box for the cards. Most of the cards had lovely notes inside, not cash, and the gifts were mostly little household items like candles, monogrammed slippers, gift certificates to restaurants and so on. They had wedding photos and family albums out for display. They did have a cake, but it was just a nice sheet cake with an anniversary theme, not a tiered cake. She set their original cake topper near it but not on it. After dinner, they cut the cake and fed it to each other, and then my cousins and I helped serve it. They had music playing, but it wasn't set up like dancing at a reception. The music was just for background. At one point, their wedding song came on, and she and my uncle danced to it, but it wasn't a spotlight dance. It definitely had more of a party atmosphere than a wedding atmosphere. It was a LOT of fun, especially because it lacked the formality of a wedding but still had a celebratory feel. Hopefully, that gives you some ideas. :)
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How lovely.  That sounds like a great example of what a vow renewal should be like:-)

</div>

katefreeman81

thank you all for your responses. i was getting some serious mixed answers from all my friends and was starting to get severe anxiety. some were pushing for me to have a shower because i didn't get one prior (i didn't even get to attend my own baby shower but that's a story for The Bump).  i'm just going to do what i feel comfortable doing which is to keep it simple, fun, and memorable.