What to do...

mwhitson14

As y'all probably have picked up on, I haven't had the best of luck with my BMs. Yes, we've had a long engagement but it wasn't supposed to do so technically I didn't really pick them too early, and yes I know BMs have their own lives, and yada yada.

But since my bff-turned exbff-turned sorta friend moved to Nashville, we've really grown apart. I've gone to see her twice, and she's seen me maybe twice as well since moving. We don't talk a lot, she's horrible about returning texts, and she HATES to talk on the phone.

I have no idea if she still wants to be in the wedding. I've texted her and asked, sent her a long letter and asked, FB messaged her and asked, and every time we "talk" (through texts) she stops talking to me when I bring it up.

So at this point, I suppose I need to assume she is not going to be a BM? I won't see her again until my bach party on the 19th (which she is coming to). It's not a huge deal at the moment, but the woman printing my programs says she needs to do by the 15th of Feb to get them to me in time.

SarahPLiz

Ha, it just called you tracylslaughter...

I'd just pt her in the program and then she'll feel like an ass if she isn't up there with you. But that's just passive agresssive old me talking.

tidetravel

List her as a BM.  If she doesn't get a dress or doesn't show, then she has removed herself.  No one will notice if she's listed on the program and not there.  If they do and happen to ask you about it, just say that something came up and she couldn't be there as a BM.

mwhitson14

She already has the dress, this is the BM that didn't want to buy it because it came off Ebay and she doesn't trust Ebay. And the dress is still here at our home, not her Nashville place. She didn't take it with her.

FutureMrsDudley55

I'd probably just go ahead and list her too. Would she communicate better through facebook or email possibly?

georgia_bride09

Honestly, I would call her and ask her point blank if she was planning on being a BM because you needed to know for the programs. If she blows you off, that's a no.

Why does the lady need almost a month?

mandysmear

I think she's not a bridesmaid anymore to be honest.  If she was, she'd have told you by now.  She'd of been all, "awww hell yeah!  i'll be there for y'all on your special day!  yee haw!" 

Sorry babes.

britne28

I'm guessing she doesn't want to be a BM and can't bring herself to tell you.  Yeah, you need to call her and find out for sure.  She might be changing the subject or blowing you off because she is feeling pressured.  Yes people are weird.  You can tell her that while you would love to have her as a BM it is ok if she doesn't want to be one.

mwhitson14

Dudley, she won't answer my FB message. I haven't tried emailing her, but I suppose I can.

Georgia, I have called her. She doesn't answer the phone. She's usually text me an hour or so later with some excuse about why she didn't pick up the phone. She's the same way with her mom though, so it's not just me. I have no idea, it's an Etsy seller and they're layered programs, so I guess maybe she's busy? Takes a long time to do them? No idea.

mwhitson14

Mandy, that's what I think too. But she was really stoked about my bach party and apologized for not planning one herself. So I feel confused!

britne, that's what my letter said, that I love her very much and want her to stand with us on our wedding day, but that I would fully understand if she decided not to. I even said I know how crazy work for you is right now, and I know you might not be able to take the time off. She won't even acknowledge she got the letter.

laurening

Keep trying to get an answer out of her and if you can't; just list her as a BM. Do you know if she's planning on attending the wedding at all? If she's there, she's the one who'll have to deal with a possibly ill-fitting dress or be the one who fields the questions as to why she's not up there with the rest of the wedding party.

mwhitson14

Lauren, no I don't. The wedding is at 6 on a Friday which means she'll need to take off work, at least a half day, and I don't know that she'll be able to.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3a2b92b-9f2f-4e07-a372-5ef43716f624Post:e6d4aa30-9dfc-4de5-b994-7e15874255b8">Re: What to do...</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I would call her and ask her point blank if she was planning on being a BM because you needed to know for the programs. If she blows you off, that's a no. Why does the lady need almost a month?
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

This, and I'd add on "If you change the subject, I'll take that as a 'no' as well." No more games.

sgervais88

I agree with georgia_bride09 too. And if she doesn't answer, I would leave a message that says she has one week to respond and if you don't receive an answer, I would consider that a no. As some can tell, I don't play nice for long. Lol. You have gone above and beyond to find out what her plans are. She's just being rude.

mwhitson14

Haha yeah I need to stop being nice. I've just been letting it go since I don't really have to know until the programs need to be printed.

SteveandKris

I think she's already removed herself... but i'm of the feeling that if you're such good friends with me that you'll be standing with me on my wedding day, you can answer my phone calls.  Or return a phone call with a phone call and not a text message...

mwhitson14

Kris, I know. This might be a friendship I let die totally out after the wedding, assuming she ends being a BM. But she decided to help out the two girls planning my bach party after I told her about it, so I feel like I need to stick with her until it's all over.

janedoe1113a

I would text her and tell her you need to know whether she's going to be a BM or not.  Tell her if she doesn't give you an answer, you're going to assume that's a no.

beatlesgirl25

Whit, I'm sorry to hear about this. But I gotta agree that she sounds like she's already bowed out, just hasn't told you. All the email/text/communication tricks she's pulling are exactly what one of my BMs did to me for two months before she dropped out (over not being able to afford flying out, etc.). It was sad, but actually a relief to finally know who was in and who was out. I hope she gets straight with you soon.

eastunder1

Ditto others that say to point blank ask her.  Something along the lines of "I need to know this.  Don't assume I do know one way or the other, because I don't.  Your behavior is confusing to the point that I have no idea what you intend to do.  So you have to TELL ME."    If she blows you off or ignores something this direct, you have your answer.  And that girl needs to grow some balls if she just doesnt answer you.  Its a simple yes or no answer, shady friend.  Grow up.   

kmurr010

I'm with the ladies that say ask her point blank. Maybe I'm a little too confrontational, but I think I would finish that conversation with "If you can't give me a straight forward answer, I will take it as a no." And then move forward how you need to. She shouldn't be playing this kind of game.