Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)

H and I have wanted a dog forever.  We've been waiting until we own our own home.  Now that we do, we've been talking about it more.  We're a little concerned though, because of Box Kitty.  For those that don't know, Box Kitty has a pretty rare neurological disorder called Feline Hyperaesthesia Syndrome.  It causes her her back half (basically from just beyond her shoulder blades all the way down) to be hypersensitive at times, she sometimes hallucinates, and she twitches when she gets stressed out (I'm talking like big, half body twitches--it's really kind of disturbing).  The vet says that she shouldn't be in pain (some minor discomfort when she twitches, but nothing that really changes the quality of her life), and that she could be medicated with psych meds to help control it.  We've been avoiding that, and dealing with it by trying to manage her stress instead.  It's gone pretty well, but we can still tell when she's stressed (when we're working a lot, gone a lot, etc), and she'll twitch.

We talked to the vet about other pets, and he said that it could be a really good thing-she'd have company while we're gone, someone to play with, etc.  But she's 4 years old, and has been our only pet for 4 years.  She's a diva, and she's really territorial.  We're concerned that introducing a new pet into the home will stress her out completely.  The vet said that the transition would likely be stressful, but that it would probably get better, and again, could be better than keeping her as the only pet in the long run...but maybe not.

Our new house has 3 floors, and we could easily keep a dog out of one of them completely, giving Box Kitty her own space.  We really want a dog, but not at the expense of Box Kitty's mental and physical health.  We also really like the idea of having a companion pet for her, hoping it would reduce her stress.  She's our first priority, pets wise.  WWYD?

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Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)

  • HI JESS!!!!!!!!!

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  • SO HELPFUL!

    But Hi!  I miss you too.  Come visit again soon :)

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  • Has Box Kitty ever been around other animals in foster care or at a shelter to give you an idea on how she would react?  I know some of the adoption places around here will give you a trial period of sorts to make sure all the animals get along before finalizing it.  Would you be able to do something like that?
  • We're almost in the same boat J.  We have two elderly cats - both with health problems associated with aging.  We'd dearly love to get a dog tho.  I'm more a dog person anyway.  But we decided to hold off for now.

    xH and I did it the opposite way.  We had our Lab Tess first.  While she had no physical ailments, she was very much clingy and insecure would be the best way to describe her.  Terribly shy as well.  We ended up getting a cat when she was about 7 I think.  Idgy showed her who was boss within the first hour of her being in our home.  The cat was absolutely the dominant personality and that suited Tess since she was such a shy dog.  They really were very good together.  After Tess died, the cat slept on her dog bed all of the time.

    Anyway, not sure what to advise.  Would maybe another cat first be a better way to go?
  • I would try it.  Most rescues (at least the ones around here) should be willing to work with you to help you find a dog that has perhaps already lived with cats in their foster home.  Do you know what kind of dog you are thinking about?  
    Unless you're thinking a puppy.  I think that would be more stressful for her, just since they are so into everything.  Not saying it can't be done, just in my opinion, it would be a little harder.
    I think introducing a dog as opposed to another cat would be easier for her, territory wise.  She'll still be 'the cat' and can get to cat places.  We put up a few baby gates so our cats have a place to go away from the dogs.  If she doesn't really jump, you can put it up off the floor a bit in the doorway so she can get under it.  
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  • I agree with Kelly that a dog would be a much better idea than a puppy.  Puppies don't know boundaries and would be more likely to pick on her and stress her out.  An adult dog most likely wouldn't bother her as much.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cats-and-dogs-wdyt-long-with-backstory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4106e47-fff9-4d4f-8de6-b27e5a7fa8a3Post:7e1cc583-9369-41ee-9ba0-7f929b29bad5">Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Has Box Kitty ever been around other animals in foster care or at a shelter to give you an idea on how she would react?  I know some of the adoption places around here will give you a trial period of sorts to make sure all the animals get along before finalizing it.  Would you be able to do something like that?
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

    We adopted her when she was about 10 weeks, so not since then.  She got along fine at the shelter with them, but it's been so long.  Our shelter will do a trial period, but I don't want to be the jackass who returns a dog to the shelter, you know?  Also, I don't want to fall in love with a dog and then have it not work out.

    Marrin, we also talked about another cat first, but the vet said if we were concerned about her territoriality, that a dog might be a better bet.  We can give Box Kitty her own space more easily that way, and she's less likely to see a dog as a threat to her territory, for some reason.  One of the big things is her kitty tower--she doesn't share well.  She doesn't even like toys to  be on it.  So, a dog would not try to get up on it, or if it did, we could put it somewhere the dog couldn't get to it, whereas we couldn't do that with a cat.

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  • So, I would think about what kind of dog you want.  Not necessarily breed specific, more size specific.  Talk to a few rescue groups.  Unfortunately, you may run across some who will NOT be helpful.  Take that as a cue and move on to a different group, don't waste your time.  You should be able to find one who will work with you, suggest possible good fits as far as dogs they have in their rescue.  
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  • Oh, yes.  We'd definitely do an adult dog.  And we'd love to find one that has lived with cats and done well with them.

    We'd love an Aussie or German Shepherd, but we're not limiting ourselves.  That's just the ideal.  We'll probably go with something medium sized.  Not small enough where it would see Box Kitty as a "peer" and push her around and skitter around and make her nervous, but not so big (so German Shepherd probably out!) that it would be a terrifyingly large new beast in the house.

    As you can see, we've put a LOT of thought into this.  Probably more than normal people would ;)

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  • I don't think you'd be seen as a jackass for "returning" the dog.  That's what the trial period is for, to ensure that the placement is a good fit for all involved.  From their standpoint, they don't want to place an animal in a home where it's not a good fit.  Plus you'd be seen as a responsible pet owner and that you care about your pets enough to make sure their mental health is taken care of.

    I'm sure most adoption agencies are well versed in handling this sort of thing.  I know the place we adopted Bella from would have set up an in home visit beforehand if we had any other animals to ensure they got along.
  • Yeah, I know...but I'd FEEL like a jackass, KWIM?  It's probably silly, but still.

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  • I would send out a few emails to a few rescues and go from there.  Jsut because you inquire doesn't tie you into anything.  You'll be able to see by their responses who really wants to work with you and try to find a good fit.  If you're offput by their response, just move on.  Go with your gut.  Just explain the situation (basically copy and paste your post) and see what they suggest.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cats-and-dogs-wdyt-long-with-backstory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4106e47-fff9-4d4f-8de6-b27e5a7fa8a3Post:c8c7ff7f-623f-40cd-b4a4-1e463ab43374">Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)</a>:
    [QUOTE]As you can see, we've put a LOT of thought into this.  Probably more than normal people would ;)
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>I wish more people would put this much thought into their choice of pet, be it dog, cat or small pet.  I don't have anything helpful that hasn't already been said.  I just wanted to commend you for the time and thought you're putting into this.  GL</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cats-and-dogs-wdyt-long-with-backstory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4106e47-fff9-4d4f-8de6-b27e5a7fa8a3Post:54a3fc5d-d338-45e7-aba5-40f86ba0382d">Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I know...but I'd FEEL like a jackass, KWIM?  It's probably silly, but still.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
    I can see that but maybe you just need to change your frame of mind.  Go into it thinking it's just on a trial basis and then if it works out, fantastic!  And if it doesn't, then you'll know.  Ultimately Box Kitty is your #1 priority, and as long as you are doing what's best for her, you shouldn't feel like a jackass because you're being a good pet-parent.

    But I can see how it would be very difficult not to fall in love with the dog :)
  • That's a good idea, KJB.  I know our shelter is pretty awesome, and there's a local-ish Aussie rescue that I've heard good things about.  Sending out some emails doesn't hurt. 

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  • I understand your worry. H and I want a dog, but with Whisky's age and illnesses, we're afraid of stressing him out too much.

    I would try it, and definitely get a dog that has been around cats before. I wouldn't want to risk a dog that had never been around cats, but that's just me. With having 3 floors, you could easily give them their own space when you aren't home or if they are fighting. I think it would get easier after time, even if Box Kitty just ignored the dog altogether.

    And I wouldn't worry about being the jackass who returns the dog. You are going into it knowing there is a chance it may not work out, and that it's a trial. So it's not like you would just decide suddenly that you don't want to take care of the dog - it's about Box Kitty's health.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cats-and-dogs-wdyt-long-with-backstory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4106e47-fff9-4d4f-8de6-b27e5a7fa8a3Post:b729f208-94ab-4705-8a6a-1b5251641be6">Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory) : I wish more people would put this much thought into their choice of pet, be it dog, cat or small pet.  I don't have anything helpful that hasn't already been said.  I just wanted to commend you for the time and thought you're putting into this.  GL
    Posted by CFM102012[/QUOTE]

    Thanks :)  We'd save 'em all if we could.

    Good way to look at it, Emar. 

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  • Good luck and I hope it works out for you :)
  • Have you thought about a border collie? They have very easygoing natures and adult ones tend to not be too jumpy or excitably. German shepherds can be terratorial also, and excitable, (probably not over the cat, but over people walking up the driveway etc....they might not jump around but they might cause a lot of barking, that might stress out the cat, they make thier presence known, one of the reason both the police use them and they make good 'gaurd dogs'), so that might not be the best idea.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cats-and-dogs-wdyt-long-with-backstory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4106e47-fff9-4d4f-8de6-b27e5a7fa8a3Post:5b75a18c-3843-4e3c-b12c-b09cc39590a2">Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you thought about a border collie? They have very easygoing natures and adult ones tend to not be too jumpy or excitably. German shepherds can be terratorial also, and excitable, (probably not over the cat, but over people walking up the driveway etc....they might not jump around but they might cause a lot of barking, that might stress out the cat, they make thier presence known, one of the reason both the police use them and they make good 'gaurd dogs'), so that might not be the best idea.
    Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

    Like I said, we're willing to consider whatever is a good fit.  We've both always wanted Aussies and Germans, but we know that we'll probably have to hold off on those.  Hell, I'd take a freakin' Yorkie if it was a good fit (I'm not a little dog person at all).

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  • Yeah, I know that.  But our local rescue puts in the description if they'll herd people and other pets or not, and they tend to have a decent number that don't herd.  I'd never get a herder.  I can't imagine ANYTHING herding Box Kitty.  I don't think the dog would survive that showdown.

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  • edited March 2012
    It seems like a dog that's been in a foster with a cat and maybe is fairly submissive would be a good dog to try.  

    It would also be really hard for me to take a dog back to a shelter, but I will say that my dog was a "return."  She didn't get along with her first home's cat (not sure of the details, but I'm guessing she was just terrified of the cat), so they returned her, and now we get to love her to pieces and couldn't imagine not having her.  

    ETA: We have a greyhound--great breed, but I think there can be some variability with how they do with cats and what kind of prey drive they have.  I know some people have greys and cats and it works out well, though.  Our dog is generally pretty mellow.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cats-and-dogs-wdyt-long-with-backstory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f4106e47-fff9-4d4f-8de6-b27e5a7fa8a3Post:fb06d4dd-3755-4596-9fc0-ce3467a56799">Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cats and dogs, WDYT? (long with backstory) : We adopted her when she was about 10 weeks, so not since then.  She got along fine at the shelter with them, but it's been so long.  Our shelter will do a trial period, but I don't want to be the jackass who returns a dog to the shelter, you know?  Also, I don't want to fall in love with a dog and then have it not work out. Marrin, we also talked about another cat first, but the vet said if we were concerned about her territoriality, that a dog might be a better bet.  We can give Box Kitty her own space more easily that way, and she's less likely to see a dog as a threat to her territory, for some reason.  One of the big things is her kitty tower--she doesn't share well.  She doesn't even like toys to  be on it.  So, a dog would not try to get up on it, or if it did, we could put it somewhere the dog couldn't get to it, whereas we couldn't do that with a cat.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    J I was thinking more along the lines of size-wise.  Less intimidating maybe?  Like I said, I'm more of a dog person so I don't see things from a cat's POV.  I hope you find what you're looking for.  I wish all pet owners could be more like you and some of the others I have seen posting here.  I'd adopt them all too....in a heartbeat.
    H is a German S lover.  I love all dogs, but a GS would not be my first choice.  My only condition is that we get from a shelter or a rescue group.

    Toothpaste - border collies, while generally smarter than shite and easy to train, are herders by instinct.  Guess who it would want to herd? :)
  • We adopted two dogs that has been fostered before. It was wonderful because they had exposure to other animals and different people. I'm excited for you! I can't wait to hear about it when you guys move forward!
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  • I don't have much experience with dogs, but I volunteer with a cat rescue organization, so I'll give you as much advice as I can from that end! Some cats are more open to dogs/other intruders than others. I'm pretty sure my spoiled only cat would freak out if we got a dog, but that's just her personality. It seems you really understand your Box Kitty, and are going about this the right way Like PP have suggested, contact your local rescues and tell them the situation up front. They should be willing to work with you. If they aren't, move along. There is. I need to waste your time with groups that won't help you find the perfect fit. If you need resources to find rescue groups, check out Petfinder if you haven't yet. The shelters may also have a list, since in my area, the rescues are contacted when the shelter gets over crowded. Good luck finding the right dog!
  • I have 2 pieces of advice:

    1) get a proper gate like this one (not a plastic baby gate) for when you give the cat her own floor. Something screw mounted rather than pressure mounted would be even better, but I can't seem to find the exact product I have online anymore.

    2) During the transition, invest in feliway. It's expensive (like $30 a pop) but it's amazing. It's a pheremone that mother cats release to their kittens to calm them. My vet recommended this when I moved. 
  • Thanks so much everyone. We wont do anything until after box kitty recovers from our vacation in August she doesn't do well with us being gone, so we have lots of time, but it's a big decision. We do have feliway. It helps when she's really stressed. Dot, that's what we were thinking too. Box kitty is a girl.

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  • Rescue a whippet or greyhound! But seriously, I'm excited to see new dog pictures. That's all I have to contribute. I know, I'm helpful.
  • Haha Cove, we have a beautiful whippet. It took a year to train him to be around cats, but it can be done. It was one long and frustrating process.
  • I don't have much to add, except let me know if you need to borrow a dog for a weekend ;)

    Seriously though. Puck was always really... antisocial and independent, so we were worried about another dog. But we still wanted one and thought it would be good in the long run. Thankfully, we were right.  Puck still gets crabby (like ornery teenager crabby) when he's tired or Levi is pestering him too much. But Levi can recognize that and will leave him alone.

    I would try and make sure you get a dog that's a little calmer or at least an adult that grew up with other animals (to have that ability to read pet emotions.)  Good luck :)
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